Friday, December 28, 2007

Bah-bye 2007

As this year comes to an end I have so many people to thank for being there for me, I know I’ve been a pain in the ass…but you make it all worth while and encourage me to get up every morning and YOU look forward to me pounding out these anecdotes. “It’s me again with a little attitude” as this year proved that I can get out of that damn turtle shell I was sheltered in for so long (too long actually), only to fit into a world I didn’t belong in. So there, I’m back and I won’t go kicking and screaming either..HA!

2008 looks to be a much better year, may be the best year ever. I don’t have a crystal ball and am not promising anything, I have to see what cards I’m dealt with first before I can place my bets and hope that the horse with the pink legwarmers on comes in first place. Until then I can only sit back, relax and hope I end up in a cozy corner ‘lounging’ on the 1st and not hungover from too much pong.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ghost of Christmas Past

I learned that since my parents divorced Christmas felt like school or work. Having to be up at a certain time to be somewhere, feeling obligated, scheduled and stressed and I’m talking about approximately the last 15 years. I’m not blaming this on them because there are a ton of other factors in the mix as well, if anything its my fault for setting up this predetermined set of rules to abide by every year and stressing myself out and never saying, “No, not this year”, or “No I’ll be there between this time and this time” and the hefty “No, I’m at so and so’s this year”. I just had the most relaxing, not-so-dramatic Christmas ever. Why do holidays have to be so dramatic anyway? Don’t answer that because it’s a different experience for everyone especially those with traditions. Now that I’ve shed the demonic stress layers from Christmas pasts I can look ahead to 2008 and say, “Hey, Christmas isn’t so bad,” but New Years is always even better.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Traveling Thoughts

I’m diving into personal territory here today so I advise you to brace yourself. What you are about to read is a true story which might lack the usual sarcasm that I am so great at.

My route in two days, 206, 287, GSP, Rt. 9, TPK, I crossed over Rt. 1 – does that count?, 78, 24, 80, just about every major roadway in NJ except 280, 46, Rt. 3. I dread the holidays because of the traveling, but to me this year wasn’t so bad (so far), I mean, I will admit I felt as if I had done something wrong, that I was odd chick out because I was. However, I was surrounded by family and their four legged friends who still managed to jump on the couch and wake me up this morning. As I traveled the major highways I sang, and laughed, and shed a tear here and there, only because that occurs on long trips in the car by myself. I am impressed that I still know all the words to “Earth Angel” on the Solid Golden Oldies channel.

I do miss my father big time and while I stood at his grave today with my grandfather I felt that I had to remain strong for both of us, meaning I couldn’t sit there and ball my eyes out like I had done all the times before. I did feel him reach out and put his hand on my left shoulder like he always did. But next time I go by myself, I’ll ball my eyes out and stay as long as I want.

After Grandpa’s I drove past our old house on Tyler Ave. the new owners put a bay window in, and repainted the shutters maroon, but the house looks the same as it did 14 years ago and there were kids playing in the street like I did once. I still know my way around town and I still remember the Sesame Street house, but I couldn’t find my way there.

As I bring this endearing story to an end my mind and my thoughts are somewhere else, lost in the city lights where they like to linger, in hopes that I will see them again soon amongst cookies, mistletoe and surprises.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Lemon Drops

I am very proud of myself, no matter how much I have to drink I stick to my guns. I am not that easily influenced by alcohol although sometimes the next day I wonder why I hit so and so, put drink stickers on my boobies or used my token fake name. So alcohol gives you a little added edge to pull off some hideous lines and say things that you wouldn’t normally say in an 8 hour day, but I would say it anyway that doesn’t phase me. I will admit, I did get my fix last night after four raspberry martinis, a lemon drop shot, numerous glasses of water, food, and some decent bump and grind music. You have no idea do you….I’m still dangerous on the dancefloor in knee high boots. I’d give J. Lo a run for her money, but she’s got the double sided tape and the fat wallet.

And BTW: I apologize to the guy I hit last night, I know it was fairly hard and I might have left an imprint of my ring in his shoulder even though he didn’t do anything to me, I was protecting my peeps.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Company Holiday Party Awards

Most flirtatious old guy – Kermit the Frog
Worst line – dumbest ? – Tie – Kermit the Frog & Yo Yo
Best ass - wasn't looking
Person u never thought would get bombed - Yo Yo
Most fashion disaster - Regards
Hottest guy @ bar (doesn’t have to work with us) - wasn't looking
Who Dr. Who will get # - I owe him a $1 for this
guy you would get drunk enough would take you home...- no one
how many times someone asks what are you doing for holidays
I should have added : how many times someone asks you if you like your new neighbors….

After being segregated into a back corner of the lounge/bar restaurant and surrounded by some rude co-workers who we were never introduced to, we indulged in drink and finger foods and tried to be entertained by the list we brought to play a little game. The cast of characters who we thought would belly up to us and latch on like a sad puppy didn’t and we made a few new friends and enemies. Of course their true colors didn’t shine thru until after a few glasses of vino and beers and that’s when things got very interesting. The award for Most Flirtatious Old Guy goes to..drum roll please…oh, I’m not telling, but I guarantee that he won’t be pulling off that huge raise we tried to con him into because he probably won’t remember a thing today. Along with the two older gents we were teaching Beer Pong to in the corner on a bar table, they probably went home and interrogated their teenagers. We never got to nominations for “best ass” or “hottest guy at the bar” due to lack of ‘eye’ candy. It’s the simplest things that keep us entertained amongst a group of co-workers who never cease to amaze, even the ones we know head straight for the buffet table.

I think we’ve made a new friend, but he’s a little on the creepy side and part of the ‘lunch patrol’. First we hinted about the unnecessary constant bickering of a location for lunch and how they should just pick a place, only to find out they are on some mailing list that sends them emails of the latest and greatest lunch places around! Can you imagine a computer telling you where you should eat lunch today? Second, we asked why they always congregated by our offices, yet never asked us to lunch, not that we would go but then again, I’m sure we would make the destination decision a bit quicker than them. Third we were asked why we didn’t pay attention to our previous neighbors who were only trying to be friendly…we’ll it’s a bit hard to say ‘hello’ to some one as they are sprinting past your cubicle!

I must say one of the best lines I heard all night came out of my mouth to some group of young folks who decided that as we were leaving to offer to buy us a drink. “You’ve waited until we are leaving to talk to us?” What was funnier was us trying to pretend that we worked at a different company – the company that they apparently worked at. I won’t be going over there for lunch tomorrow to babysit since they aren’t buying. Plus they had a spy in the bathroom, who overheard us call someone ‘kermit the frog’ and told these young folks that we were talking about the tallest one in their clan, when we meant someone else! Yo, Yo, I’m still trying to decide whether or not the term ‘seasoned’ was a compliment.

Observations from Dr. Who:
I was hassled by someone, who shall be nameless, for my street address.
No men flirted with me, thank god, although one guy insisted I was from Boston.
Never Get bombed should go to aka Mr. Yo
Best ass - There actual quite a few I peaked at discreetly
No one asked me what I was doing for the holidays, which was good, because I celebrate Festivous anyway.
There should be a category for social coordinator holding the drink tickets till the end of the night
How many Seton Hall Basketball tickets can a company possibly have

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I Wa Wa Wa Wa Wonder....

As I sit on my couch watching football, listening to the sound of that 35+mph wind, and someone outside chopping the ice off their car, surrounded by the aroma of my endless cookie baking activities I wonder….why did I put up a tree? I dread holidays, so why did I bother? Only I can answer that question and yet its sincere therapy that I did that. Yeah right who am I kidding. I am beginning to understand all of this now and how its all about being together. By eliminating the actual terms of the holiday such as Christmas and Thanksgiving, I’ve come to realize it’s the togetherness of it all. There I said it…I hope those of you out there who have almost given up on Miss Grinch have a change of heart. It’s not the location, its about being together. Truthfully speaking, I had fun trying to create a winter wonderland but I struck out finding mistletoe.

Let me get back to the vicious wind and how I’d rather be lounging and thank you to Mother Nature for prohibiting that, but ‘I ain’t mad at ya’, there are somethings that you can’t control...there's always a next time. And still I keep popping my head in and out of that damn mouse hole wondering when the little old lady is going to hit me on the head with her dishpan, figuratively speaking of course, as I look both ways to see if its finally safe to dash for the cookie crumbs she forgot to sweep up. Yes, I’m kidding, but sometimes I forget I have to look both ways, and that’s when I wonder…why. Thank you Del Shannon for putting that song in my head today, its done wonders.

How Do I Lounge - let me count the ways

I wrote this a month ago...duly noted, it should have been posted then.

What is ‘lounging’? For starters it’s a new term to use instead of ‘relaxing’. When I lounge, I just kick back, put my feet up, a warm blanket and the remote control. I could bring lounging to bed with me, and its still the same thing with or without someone in there with me, or beside me on the couch of course its never fun by yourself. But I can say that an afternoon of lounging is best, especially when you don’t get out of bed until the wee hours of the day, and everything else is left behind four walls.

Friday, December 7, 2007

How to Keep Yourself Busy at Work – During Down time!

1. Make lists – food shopping, cleaning lists, clothes to buy, rooms to clean, people you should call back
2. Shop for a new vehicle online – you can comparison shop
3. Shop for a new TV – again, comparison shop
4. Visit consumer reports – surely Big Brother won’t be red flagging this one
5. Rearrange your desk
6. Replace your pens
7. Color code your calendar
8. Read a book online
9. Do calve stretches
10. Button and unbutton your shirt – that’s if you have one underneath
11. Pile up your empty water bottles for cubicle bowling
12. Set up war scenarios – you can use sugar packets and/or army men
13. Call your friend on another floor and pretend its business and have a complete conversation about closing a deal, selling paper, paying a bill, ordering lunch
14. Call another friend and ask if they can send you a red pen through interoffice mail
15. Instead of typing a report hand write it in pencil, then rewrite it in pen, and then type it up
16. Move your cubicle walls if you can, change your whole area around
17. If your co-worker is out prank their desk. Switch their keyboard keys around
18. “ unplug their handset – then call them when they get back
19. Make a list of things you want to do over the weekend
20. If its early in the year make your Xmas list
21. Register for your birthday gifts online and email your friends and family the link
22. Set up e-cards for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays for the rest of the year
23. Create rules for your inbox and emails from certain people – you can set up ones to automatically delete or respond ha ha
24. Color code your email senders
25. Keep a log of how many times you go to the bathroom
26. Keep a log of how many times your boss asks you to do something and if you actually get it done
27. Fill our your Christmas cards
28. Create a database of your address book – comes in handy for Christmas cards
29. Make labels for your home files if you are as organized as I am
30. Move your desk or relocate to an empty office and see if anyone notices
31. Pay your bills online
32. Go thru your junk mail coupons you don’t use and interoffice them to friends as a joke (i.e. “I think you can use this”)

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Cold and Flu - its about time!

This is an email I received today from our safety patrol. Apparently its taken this long for them to realize that people don’t wash their hands or anti-bacterialize their area and they need to use spell check!

Cold anf Flu Precautions: With cold and flu season upon us it is important to take precautions to protect against and prevent the spread of illness. Two of the easiest precautions to minimize cold and flu risk are to regularly wash hands and to keep telephones clean. Because of the office move, arrangements have been made to have the cleaning personnel wash all telephones. In addition, we have obtained a supply of disposable telephone cleaning swabs. If you need to clean your telephone please see me to obtain a cleaning swab.

If you do get a cold or the flu please have consideration for others. When appropriate, stay home.

I do find it interesting that they raised our health costs, gave us less options, upped our co-pay, took away the free flu shots that were offered once a year and continually do not regulate the temperature to keep us all healthy. The member of the patrolmans very group is a known habitual offender, so how dare they send this email. Big brother took away some of our sick time based on years of service including some paid time off hours (those of us here more than 10 yrs suffered a few hours lost) and then they tell us to stay home. They really should be disinfecting the copiers, fax, door handles, before the phones, and put anti bacterial soap around. Aside from that it smells like dead animal in the hallway and a musty smell when they turn the heat on. Hmm…and they think we are spreading viruses?

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Vegas: What happens in Vegas....

5 women, 2 beds, 1 cot, 1 handicap shower, 3 keys, 3 games, 2 cold nights, many bad calls, 2 days without sleep, 2 red eyes, 1 Bang Bang, 1 bachelorette party pole dancer, 2 weddings, 1 phone number (that I know of), coffee with a handsome stranger, 2 rollercoaster rides, 1 bad Italian Restaurant, 6+ shots of Yager and Red Bull, 2 unsuspecting video game dancers, 5 dirty minds, 3 crepes, 1 ride to top of Eiffel Tower, a proposal or two, Eddie Munster, ½ of a new Jennifer Cruise book, Bryan who was so annoying we wanted to shove the roulette ball down his throat, 1 JLo, 1 Alabama Slamma, 1 Smirnoff with Grenadine, 2 cases of Miller Lite, 3 guys Natalie yelled at at some brewery, 2 guys Shirley scared at the airport, 12 hours Dawn didn’t gamble (that we know of), 1 gondola ride, 5 hotels Natalie took house money from, 7+ souveniers purchases, 16+ pictures taken, many text messages, unlimited amount of men Joanne saw in Zoot Suits, 5 hours exploring alone, 1 Carrie Underwood song sung on the strip, 5 In and Out Burgers with Fries, 14 pages I’ve written during this trip and 3 broken nails.

Vegas: Quotes and then some...

“I forgot my brushes”
“I forgot my bathing suit”
“Would you like your shoes shined? I’d love to shine your shoes” – some guy said this to me in Paris, I really hope he was referring to my shoes.
“Can he pull it out?”
“You know what I do, and you know my phone #”. – I wrote this down, but I really don’t remember who said this
“Las Vegas Fruits and Nuts – which are you?” – t-shirt in the airport
- Don’t listen to Bryan at the Rapid Roulette table in Paris – he’s only there to distract you and talk about Global Warming and tax dollars
- Eddie Munster works on the top of the Eiffel Tower
- Princess lucky she didn’t get her ass whooped by all of us after we landed in Newark
- Vegas is cold in December
- Don’t eat dinner at Buca, but order their garlic bread
- Never thought I’d use handwarmers at a softball game
- We collected 52 nudey cards to play Go Fish
- Dawnie works at In and Out Burger
- Natalie's friend 'Ernie' was well behaved, we didn't hear a peep from him all weekend!
- Nothing beats stopping at a red light to switch drivers and hop had to be there
“What is your problem – have you never seen a bunch of softball players before?”
- 6 hr flight there – 4 hr flight back
- Even though it poured all day on Friday, the field was bone dry
“It’s on the inside so don’t bother looking for it” the guy said to Shirley when she lifted up the Monitor
- Joanne left with a new nickname
“OMG – you slept in your underwear?”
- I’m still afraid of heights

Friday, November 30, 2007

Vegas: What I Realized on the Plane

· Wine shots aren’t fun by myself
· No one wanted to play ‘dance to pass’ with Stella
· Even though old guy was annoying to C Lo he still shared his M & M’s
· Chatting with Daphne took my mind off takeoff
· Tim Allen is huge on a small tv screen
· 2nd bottle of wine is hard to get down but I enjoy the buzz anyway
· Bachelor party man would have had his head on my shoulder if he didn’t switch seats with C Lo (He is now sitting 2 rows ahead of me)
· Slick Rick was on our plane along with Freddy Kreuger
· I think I’m drunk now, only took 5 rounds of cards and 2 bottles of vino
· Asian men have to pee a lot on planes
· We were surrounded by ‘doggy stylin’
· If I have to pee there’s no way out (both my co-passengers are sleeping)
· I could tinker with both my co-passengers but I won’t go there for fear of what they would do to me in my sleep!
· Didn’t know ‘Friday’s’ could fly
· Everyone around me is asleep – I’m the only one wired
· Backstreet Boys on the plane radio – I must be drunk
· Do you have to look at everyone when you get up on your way to the bathroom?
· Dirty old man reading 3rd Degree – something is wrong cuz it’s a chick novel
· Velvet Revolver sounds like a boy band
· I enjoy looking at men in aisles sleeping with mouth open – could accidentally drop something in there - 2 points!!!
· I started counting how many times people get up to pee – IPod man got up 3 x!!!
· Not a fan of airplane potties – might be the confined space
· Heard the same songs 3x on the plane station – that tells you how long the flight was
**I split wine on myself mid air on the plane – thank goodness no one noticed.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm smiling because.....

First falling snow at night, sitting on the beach listening to the waves, hot chocolate, surprises, details, popcorn, twizzlers, snow caps, sharing a soda, one dessert with 2 spoons, fresh strawberries on waffles with whipped cream, remembering, rose petals, lounging, watching a sunset, holding hands, silly little nicknames, catch phrases, using code words, fun text messages, pictures, stolen kisses, secret moments, candlelight, swimming with dolphins, a hot tub and a glass of wine, special places, red lights, sharing a blanket, late night pillow talk, kissing in the rain, a single pink and white rose, parking decks, italian restaurants, chocolate martinis, sushi, espresso, remembering again, raspberry martinis…….

How to Meet Men 101

Due to a request, I collaborated with a few chosen females so we had each status covered

How to Meet Men 101
Odds are you’ve tried and failed, or tried and captured the wrong one. There’s no sure fire way to meet someone, but you have to start somewhere. Classes can be tested out of depending on your level of sexiness.

Class 1: How to Smile, be Friendly and Say “HI”. If you don’t put yourself out there, you will never know.
Role playing and research required
Meets every Monday to talk about what you learned over the weekend.

Class 2: Know what you are looking for and what you are not. Develop a checklist
Open Forum
Meets every other Tuesday, this way as your list grows from what you learned from the weekend you can talk about it.

Class 3: All’s Fair in Love and War. Learn the Art of Compromise and Negotiation.
He’s got the remote but you got the handcuffs tonight!

Class 4: Men are From Mars – Women are From Venus. Read it, learn it and understand why a man needs a cave.
Required library reading for open group discussion.

Class 5: How to Boost Your Confidence and Look Sexy. It’s ok to ask for his number, its ok if he says ‘no’, its ok to show a little cleavage and it’s OK to call before the 3 day rule!
Group practice, research and makeovers at the mall for women who need it.

Class 6: Have No Expectations! How to avoid waiting by the phone.

Class 7: Where are they? How to find them, when to find them, or how they just appear out of no where!
Group research, role playing and experiments
Open discussion on Monday’s

Class 8: Love Him and Not your Dog. Man comes first, kick dog out of bed and spend that hard earned cash on some heels and skirts!
Presentation and speaker in auditorium. Seats are limited.

Class 9: How to speak up and get what you want or get out. Verbalize your wants and needs – do not be afraid to tell him which buttons to press, that you wish he threw out the holy socks and tell him what would really make you happy.
Group practice, slide show presentation

Class 10: Online Dating & Blind Dates – Tips and Tricks
Do be honest, don’t give out personal information and always have a ‘safety net’.

Class 11: Don’t forget to compliment him!
Handouts and role playing

Class 12: Dating friends – pros and cons. He knows all about you…do you cross that line?

Class 13: Be Yourself not Paris Hilton. If he can’t like you for who you truly are then he’s not worth keeping around. And If you can’t be yourself with him, then you better kick yourself in the a$$.
Guest Speaker

Class 909: How to be a “Chick Man”
It’s ok to eat more than your man at one sitting and eat some of his steak. Men find it sexy when a woman can take down food like a garage disposal and maybe do some ABC burbs afterwards.
Point to class: Be yourself and see if he can stand it.

Class 10 - Enjoying Sports with Your Man. Men love sports. You don’t but want to share his interests.
Explore sports from an exciting perspective – discover and focus on the hottest guys on the team while your man thinks you are the best date ever!
Lab: Picking out cute fan apparel (did you know all teams come in PINK!??)

Prerequisites: All’s Fair in Love and War – Art of Compromise and Negotiation, How to be a “Chick Man”

Final Exam: How to put it all together – now get out there and get some!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Classes for Men - New and Improved

Disclosure: Received in an email – comments are from real life experiences and opinions in general.


Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Comment: If you still are using ice trays its time to buy a new fridge

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Comment: If you keep an extra roll under the sink – this avoids the problem because he actually knows where it is. If he doesn’t change it – you know he didn’t wipe and wash his hands.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Comment: I have not witnessed any ‘sharp shooters’

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Comment: The maid does not work here, if its not in the bin, it doesn’t get washed. Not my problem if you run out of undies - See Class 11.

Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningAt 7:00 PM
Comment: Again, the maid does not work here. That’s all we can ask for – please put the dishes that housed the food that I slaved over cooking in the sink. Thank you. (See Class 11)

Class 6 Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Comment: Ever notice it’s the first thing they grab for if the tv isn’t on – eh hem..besides you? The next thing is the remote for the surround sound, MI3 just doesn’t sound right with tv speakers.

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Comment: No I don’t know where your keys are, No I don’t know where you put your wallet. Do you keep track of my purse?

Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Comment: Nor does it mean you did something wrong…ever hear of ‘just because’? And ‘flowers’ doesn’t have to mean bring her the whole bouquet…you can bring her a stem of her favorite flower. Remember it is the thought that counts.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Comment: No comment – most of them buy that GPS thing now.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Comment: No comment – I can’t parallel park on the first try anyway, sitting quietly usually isn’t an option.

Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Comment: I have to disagree with where this class falls because it should be higher up on the list (i.e. before Class 4) and should be held until they actually 'get it'.

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Comment: This should be called “Why we spend more money when you are not shopping with us”

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Comment: Remember birthday, call when late and leave a note. Nuff said

Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Comment: Men who have never made mac and cheese should be sitting in the front row. All others should be paying attention in hopes to attract a female with their cooking skills.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Comment: Most won't make it past the first class.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Yes my holiday was just fine….thank you.

I should have taken today off, in fact, every time there is a holiday I should take the day afterwards off, if I have to work that day. That way I won’t have to listen to “Did you have a good (fill in the holiday here)?” the insistent pry into my personal life question that usually always occurs. Oh, and god forbid you are attached but not married – cuz then its that same question and if its your birthday or Christmas, then it changes to: “Oh, what did you get from so and so?” – your co-workers hinting that you should have gotten a ring. I guess they don’t realize the difference between a ring as a ‘gift’ and for a ‘holiday’, but they still think they’d be invited to the wedding. I don’t get what the big deal is…why are they so insistent on such things? In all fairness I understand its usual chit chat and idle conversation but my boss didn’t ask me how my holiday was, I don’t plan on asking him or my co-workers. I might ask my friends if it comes up in conversation but all aside, does it really matter? I don’t care if your Aunt Betty threw cranberries at Uncle Joe or that baby so and so cried the whole time, whoop-d-f-ing-do. Come on, admit it, you’ve been there, you can’t stand it anymore than I can. I think what bothers me the most, aside from the lack of sleep I get (yes, note the word ‘get’) because of my noisy neighbor at and after midnight, is the woman who only works part time one day a week who sits a few cubes away. She will be on the phone all day, I am convinced she only comes to work to talk on the phone. Not only will I be able to recite what she did for Thanksgiving, but every Monday I know how her weekend went, how her husband can’t follow driving directions, and how little Billy was a bad boy. I can’t end this on a sour note so, although I might gripe about what happens today, I did enjoy cooking in the kitchen with my Mom and sister and that’s all the details you’ll get from me.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Holidaze - Part II

Someone asked me what I was doing for Christmas day and my response was, “I am sleeping in, I don’t have anywhere to be right now.” For once this Christmas I’m doing what I want to do, for ME and not for everyone else. I’ve spent the last decade traveling, getting up like I had to be at work on Christmas for EVERYONE ELSE. It wasn’t for nothing, but it wasn’t my idea of how I really wanted to spend Christmas Morning and Christmas Day. This year it’s a relief to know that I can do what I want on Christmas, even if I just do a drive by because its my choice. I don’t know why I ever bent the rules before and never said, ‘No, I’m not coming to your house for 7 am this year.” Well, actually I do know why but I’m not rehashing the past. Instead, if plans happen then so be it, but right now I don’t plan on getting out of bed to be ANYWHERE for 7 am unless its to turn the coffee on and have breakfast in bed.

My ultimate Christmas Morning: sleeping in, breakfast in bed, then if I have plans, traveling around noontime.

Now that I think about it and had a night to sleep on it, if I am asked what I am doing for Christmas morning again….my response would be totally different.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Food Shopping - What Would You Do?

You are food shopping, in the pasta aisle…a woman with kids is in the middle of the aisle – hogging the space, you patiently say “Excuse me” so you can pass and she does not hear you. Meanwhile, a little old arrogant lady drives up along side of you – she thinks you’ve ‘pulled over’ when in fact you are waiting for the woman with kids to move out of the way. Do you let the little old lady cut in front of you?

My answer:
Little old arrogant lady cut in front of me after woman with kids moved….I could have crashed into her cart, but as I drove by her in another aisle I said, so ever so nicely, “beeeatch”!

Why I Hate the Holidaze

Ever since my parents got divorced I’ve spent the holidays on the road. Start off at Mom’s, end up at Dad’s or some other family members house because you just HAD to see everyone, no one was ever satisfied. I used to pick up my sister and we’d travel together, which was nice, but most of the day was spent in the car and the holidays became stressful. Where am I going this time? Who’s going to be pissed if I don’t have dinner at their house? When did it become a job to organize & schedule the holidays? Before they got divorced (from what I remember), the holidays were spent at one house, both sides of the family were there. If you couldn’t make it, you couldn’t make it or you stopped in for dessert or just a drive by, a phone call. Christmas morning was for us (my sister, me, my mom and dad), then the relatives would start coming over while Mom and Dad were cooking and before that we sat and watched the parade, March of the Wooden Soldiers on TV or played with our toys. Back to my original premise….Then I got older and certain holidays were spent at one house, not 2, mostly because they were over an hour away from each other. I slept at Mom’s, then traveled to Dad’s or Grandpa’s or Grandma’s or somewhere else. I never understood the holidays, the concept of family, selfish of me I know, but if you just saw them Sunday why do you have to see them again on Thursday? (just an example) It’s still dinner with the family isn’t it? If I had my way, Thanksgiving would be with friends or at least part of it would be.

I do hope one day my mind changes about this whole holiday concept rather than just having a few days off of work and rushing around buying presents for people, making stuffing, cranberry sauce and baking pies and the all out extravaganza of cookie weekend which I do love. The stress of it all just brings me down as soon as Halloween is over. Do we really need to buy adults presents when we give them something for their Birthday? Especially if it’s a big family, why can’t we all just do a grab bag for Christmas or just buy for the kids? (Just my POV) The only time I can remember waking up on Christmas morning and not having to rush to be somewhere was when I lived at my dad’s and that was about 10 years ago. At least this year I can sleep in, not rush and have to be somewhere at 7 am, knowing that is not the way I want to spend the holiday, but rather in the arms of someone I care about, sipping hot cocoa and having breakfast in bed in a nice comfy robe, creating traditions of my own.

Disclosure – this could have been told as if I was the Grinch, but I’m not all about coal in stockings, chopping off the heads of turkeys and tripping the Easter bunny. Yes, it could have been a lot worse, yes I did get coal for Christmas once and YES Santa does need to take off a few pounds.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Snow bunnies

Every year it’s the same thing, the white stuff appears for the first time and its groundhog day in the office. “Oh my god, look its snowing!” “It hasn’t stopped yet, gee the news said it would have ended by now.” “My wife didn’t believe when I got up this morning and said it was snowing. See I told you.” “You got how many inches of snow?” “Oh my god look, its coming down harder.” The funnier thing is someone trying to sing “White Christmas”, and I won’t even go there, you can use your imagination. Every year the same old crap comes out of these people’s mouths as if they never saw snow before, never drove in it before, never put gloves, hats and scarves on. They don’t check the news, read the paper, watch the weather channel. There are certain people who don’t drive in it, will announce that they don’t drive in it, especially if we are at work and then it starts snowing, they pack up their stuff and leave, we call them ‘Snow Queens”. These people don’t live in the areas north and west of the city who get the most accumulation either. It’s not like we’ve always had 90 degree weather 12 months out of the year, its not like they were just born and never witnessed this monumental event of the first snowfall of the year. Who cares – big deal, life goes on, buy a shovel.

About the only thing the snow does in an office is it creates an imaginary watercooler outside of your workspace. While you are trying to work because you don’t care what is happening outside, the ‘snow queens’ caravan around talking about it for hours…its company moral at its finest or team building. I can’t wait for them to start discussing lunch and then when I come in tomorrow to hear about their horrendous drive home. It makes me think about lounging evenmoreso than the comforts of a warm bed and a good book and some beef stew.

First Snow is the Greatest

Who would have thought that after being rerouted thru local roads that I would have ended up 20 mins south of where I had to be? 2 times sliding on snow and ice, 2 near-miss-trees later I found a main road that I actually knew and even though I started heading south on it, I turned around and began my way north to work, after being on the road an hour and a half, finally reached my destination. I hate this white stuff. You think that the police who re-route you would send you back home, because that’s where I really would have rather been aside from another place I could think of. I will be buying a map and investigating other ways to get to work in the snow, and that includes pricing other vacancies, because although I passed some really nice restaurants along the way, the fact that I didn’t know where I was, what street I was on, no landmarks or delis, or gas stations to stop at, scared me in a “Children of the Corn” kind of way.

Friday, November 16, 2007

City Lights

I must say there isn’t anything better than driving towards NYC and being surrounded by the view. Those of you who live minutes away see it every day but it still takes my breathe away even after I only grew up a few exits away from it on the Turnpike. Growing up my mom used to take me with her to drop off and pick up my dad at the airport and I used to watch the planes take off and land from EWR and I thought that was soooo cool.

There is something about those city lights that a girl can get lost in and it doesn’t only include the sights on the way there, but the drive to a house on a certain street in a little neighborhood where they serve great tiramisu and canoli’s.

Training Day

What happened in our training session yesterday - trust me taking these notes keeps me awake. I will give kudos to the trainers – they were entertaining and did not bore us.
Frequently Used Terms (FUTs)
· Champion – “I serve as your champion for now”
· Bio Break
· Truly global
· Roll out
· Static
· You will remember the ‘pencil’

Other side notes:

· 1 stalker driveby
· Blue socks with brown pants
· Recycle bin has restrictions – You can reject garbage!
· Wide use of acronyms – People should come with subtitles or balloon headings like “Pop up video”, how am I supposed to know what QC’d means?
· Why do people stroll by the conference room and look inside to see what’s going on? Obviously if it was that important I’m sure they would be in there.
· Why do us females get interrogated in the bathroom by future training attendees? It’s a class, there’s nothing secretive about it and you’ll find out tomorrow. Oh and yes they did feed us and it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but sang-wiches.
· Grimace barges down the door to announce feeding time - literally barges down the door and came back for 2nds even though she couldn't fit in the chair.
· Didn’t win the side ‘attire bet’ we had going on, but did guess 3 out of the 10 possibilities.
· Just because I’m IT doesn’t mean I can fix your computer.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Things You Hear on the Softball Field

(with a little help from The Shirley’s):
· Beat the Meat
· Sh^%, F&^k,
· My as* is so wet that you wouldn't even know it if I did crap myself
· Try to get it up
· Way to get down on that
· My hand hurts from catching your balls all night
· Clare!!!!!
· I’m stretching out my p-bic area
· What are YOU doing?
· It was deep

Things I say that no one else hears from way out in left field..ha ha
· THAT did not just happen
· What the f&^% was that?
· Wow, look at that (as one goes over my head and over the 250ft fence)
· Are you kidding me?
· Damn that 3rd baseman is blocking my view again!
· What was she thinking?
· Dammit, I’ve got to pick another wedge
· I never realized I had a fan club

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Note to Self: No Java After 3pm

Sleep did not come easy last night, I think it was on vacation. I had 2 cups of java, 1 small at 3 pm, 1 medium BK special at 5:30. Needless to say I was amped up and ready to play the final game of the season in semi freezing conditions yet again. I don’t think the chicken sandwich had anything to do with my extra energy either. But after playing 7 strong innings, a triple and a single later, a few lewd comments and a celebratory beer we mosied ourselves to Chili’s where ‘Bob-ee’ our waiter was probably hoping we’d leave early. He reminded me of Frodo, yes, I called him a Hobbit, but not to his face. I’m sure he was in awe that so many women were calling his name for most of the night. Many a beverage was served, consumed and toasted upon bottomless chips and queso dip, while chatting about everything and watching me stab the chicken finger that looked like a penis with my fork, there was nothing delicate about that.

It was finally nice to be home and in bed, nice and warm, comfy and yet wired. Last time I looked at the clock it was 1:20 am, I refused to look again while playing the fun game with myself called “if I keep my eyes closed, it will be just like sleeping”. I rolled over, grabbed one of my extra pillows and held on, not like I planned on levitating during one of my dream sequences that I so seldom have, but a comforting notion that tomorrow is another day (which in theory is actually today) and I’ll be able to drift off into ‘la la land’ with my favorite friend “Simply Sleep”.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Red roses? Not so much...

My favorite flowers are tulips, stargazer lilies, and roses but not the red ones, Delilah roses. I won’t tell you what color they were, but they were in the movie Bed of Roses. Anything but red ones are impressive, and its always the thought that counts that takes me a step back and catches me off guard, its very attractive and shall I quote Paris H “ HOT”. I received a rose, but not just any rose, it was a special rose. Not the typical red ones you would receive on Valentine’s Day, not that I would know because I’ve never received them on the 14th….sigh. Back to the rose, it caught me off guard, it kept me smiling for days, and it was one single stem, a sweet thought went into the beauty of it that was well received with a hug and a kiss. Needless to say that rose is sweeter than candy any day of the week.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Winter Clothes Donations

I started my usual clothes changeover while waiting for the kitchen floor to dry – take out the winter sweaters, cords, and put away the cami’s and shorts. The coldness is so depressing, but I do like to see snow once in a while. In doing this changover, I noticed I hate what I have to wear for the winter. Conservative sweaters, sweaters that are a bit huge because I got flack from family that I am too skinny that I started wearing baggy clothes so they wouldn’t harp on me to eat more. I’m sorry if I’m in shape compared to other females my age who just ‘let themselves go’ and hit the bag o’ chips late at night. Those that say they go to the gym and they don’t even look like they use the stairs. What I have to wear for the winter I can wear to work, but not on weekends or anywhere fun. That’s soooo not me. Let me clarify what I mean by conservative: not form fitting, no shape to the fabric, baggy, not sexy or appealing, clothes that I do not feel comfortable in, nothing in style. Don’t think that I plan on slutting it this winter, because that’s not me either, but I’m not a ‘Lands End’, ‘Eddie Bauer’ shopper. I’ll spend my hard earned cash at Ann Taylor Loft & Express on items that fit and not have to be tailored to fit. This week you’ll catch me bagging my old clothes for good will, someone else will appreciate conservative winter clothes, someone at least 20 lbs heavier than me. And please don’t buy me anything in ‘petite’ or at NY&C, because most of the time they don’t fit either.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Every Man Should....

Disclosure: Written in May/June of this year in one of my tyrades- not present day. Not EVERY man should do all of this - but it is the "somethings" that matter.

A man should treat his mother with respect, and his father as a mentor, a guide, someone he looks up to. A man should be himself when he's with you and when he's with his friends, when he's with you with his friends. A man should care, love, respect you, he should not be afraid to show/tell his feelings, no matter how silly, caring, unpredictable they may be. #1 he should not be afraid. He shouldn't be afraid to be silly and adventurous, and be that with you. He should make you smile – all the time. A man should give you the best hugs ever, the ones where you don't want to let go, you want to hold on forever because you know he'll never let you go. A man should call you, not think about calling and then put the phone down, but just do it, even if its for 5 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour, he should call, just to say "Hi" (a text or email will do just fine today too). A man should sit close to you watching tv, a movie, or just while having dinner, he should put his arm around you and make you feel as if you and him are the only two in the room. He should be surprising and romantic – in his own special ways. He shouldn't be afraid to reach out and touch you, hold your hand when you're walking together down the street, put his hand on your knee in the car, under the table, cop a feel in public (whatever works for you). He should not be or act possessive, but in a glance or a touch let you know that you are his. He should stick up for you, support you, listen to you vent about the crappy day you've had without judgment and just listen. He should be your best friend. He should wink and smile at you from across the room, because he knows you are looking at what a handsome man you've got. (He's not supposed to notice everything - it's the somethings that matter). He should tell you how sexy you are, how pretty/beautiful you look and he should know he'll get the compliments back in return. He should pay attention to what you like (in and out of the bedroom). He should tell you what he likes if you haven't already figured it out. At night, if you are asleep first, a man should make sure you are under the covers, and kiss you on the cheek, not being afraid to wake you because you would do that for him a thousand times. A man should know that no matter where you are you are always thinking about him, that you care and that you'd do everything I've written above just the same and more.

And always….always kiss me goodnight.

Jargon found frequently in Company paraphernalia:

· We urge you – urge us..yes, hold our heads in the toilet bowl is not considered ‘urging’
· We understand – thank you for showing that you care about us!
· Updated on a quarterly basis (or fill in your own timeframe) – is someone paying attention?
· Are distributed to….. – do we really care who gets what?
· ‘update’ used frequently and in plural form
· Continual use of the terms ‘we’, ‘us’, ‘our’, use of ‘you’ as not to blame
· Thank you in advance – as if some of us are actually going to do the work
· Rapid communication – if we speak faster will you be able to understand?
· Data base – I didn’t realize it was 2 words
· Using ‘regards’ as part of the signature line – regards to what? Better to just leave blank and not get emotionally involved.
· Please follow the template precisely - I’m telling YOU to follow the guideline because I want YOU to think I’m the boss and came up with this great idea, and YOU must listen. All others will be prosecuted
· Your cooperation is greatly appreciated – I admit I’ve used this one and yes, if you work with me, I’ll return the favor, in the same ‘turnaround’ time that you give me. So if you get back to me in 3 days, I’ll get back to you next time you need a favor in 3 days.

Things You Say At Blockbuster

*To be updated periodically
· I don’t think I want to get “Knocked Up”
· You look real happy to be at work today ‘Handsome Bob’
· Did you see ‘Shooter’ over there?
· Is that the movie where girls tops just accidentally fall off?
· Look its ‘Shrek’!
· The fate of the night is in your hands…choose carefully

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

What I learned today at My Meeting

· In a room of just about 30 men there were 7 women
· White socks with black shoes and black pants – highly fashionable amongst engineers
· Have to check the back of our hair for the hoc-a-lugie staplah man in much need of mucinex
· Alternative medicines – does that include caffine pills?
· The man behind the curtain – the Great Oz conducted the meeting
· The call it ‘wellness’ meaning “we want you to be healthy”, in other words there are fat people in this room that need to lose weight!
· Sitting in the back of the room makes you focus on the backs of people’s heads and notice their bald spots and thinning hair
· Sage green was the popular shirt color today for men
· How are birth control pills considered maintenance drugs? We’re not maintaining anything other than not dropping eggs!
· Basically a healthy employee is a safe employee – if you are fat you are clumsy.
· Key words: Dr. Zing Zong and ‘launching point’
· There is never enough food!

Other noteworthy points by attendees:
· You must add that same sex marriages or marriages that have an affidavit are considered domestic partners however what we consider as ”normal” marriages they cant. I was shocked that he even stated the word “normal”
· The word “y’all” was used heavily


What are butterflies in your stomach? Why do people say that? If anything ‘butterflies’ should mean that you can’t eat anything, that you can get sick to your stomach over severe anxiety from anticipating something happening or something that is planned, you know, like a first date, a blind date, a date-date, or seeing someone for the first time from ages ago, going on an interview, whatever. Gosh, sometimes I’m even nervous to make a phone call. But I can see how shortening it to just ‘butterflies in stomach’ fits. I still get ‘butterflies’ but its different than that, its from excitement of actually getting ready to go out somewhere, putting on that little black dress to impress. Taking the time to look good takes time, I don’t wake up looking like this – LOL and I definitely save my pheromone sprays for the weekend. And you get butterflies too, but you won’t share that with the rest of us who all get nervous and anxious over practically nothing and anything. I have to admit, I like the ‘butterflies’, it’s a short lived adrenaline rush for me, at least the first couple minutes until I finally settle down. And again, its 11:11 am and I’m writing as usual. It must be this time of day that is a trigger. A trigger to share a little piece of me with you guys, my audience and I have no idea who is listening. Today I don’t have butterflies just yet, the day is almost half way over and I don’t anticipate anything anxiety related happening later…but you never know.

Performing Exorcisms

We all have favorite songs, songs we love to hear, songs we haven’t heard in a long time that we forgot about. Songs that we play for our moods, to put us in a mood or not, or get us out of a mood. Its just music with lyrics, it means nothing right? Wrong….”there’s always something there to remind me” and if I can associate anything it would be a song to a person, place, scenario, movie, time in my life, etc. Aside from past ghosts that continually haunt me in song, the ex taxi driver boyfriend that 2 certain songs remind me of him and I can’t listen to them anymore, I have to vanquish the present demons that I have heard lately. Listening to a song in a different context whereas before I had loved the song now makes me think of something else entirely – and that is not good. Amazing how easily the symbolism of a song can change in a snap at least for me. If I hear Air Supply’s “Making Love Outta Nothing At All” I revert back to the summer of 1993, down the shore, a cassette tape, and my ‘daisy dukes’. Now if you ‘sing me a song you’re the piano man’, it better give me a good memory and not spoil how I already feel about the song, because once its spoiled I have to go thru an exorcism and get back its true meaning, create a new one or hope that someone else gives me new meaning to the song. I go thru this phase of lighting candles in complete darkness and chanting to the higher gods hoping that maybe Curt Cobain hears me and that Chuck Berry’s ghost comes to visit and does a rendition of “My Ding-a-ling”. Well, that’s a little far-fetched but it’s a cool thought.

In all seriousness, I relate songs to people differently now, and although GNR’s “Patience” reminds me of 1989, drawings of roses, the acoustic version sung by some female is a memory of a dark lounge, a glass of wine and my brown leather boots.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Family Ties

I have this thing with family and how they should be when you are in a relationship – which generally speaking is seen but not heard. My family is great, we may not speak to each other every day but we have an equal respect of personal life and privacy. For example, my Mom doesn’t call me every time she has a make-up issue, or something of a not so-emergency context. She waits, asks my step dad or figures it out for herself. She doesn’t load on the guilt trip either. Maybe its how I was brought up, maybe its just my family and how understanding, realistic, and modern we are.

What I’m getting at is this…when you are in a relationship (that means there’s 2 of you), your significant other/husband/wife is first..then your family. Not your family then your SO/H/W. So for instance, your dad has a computer problem so he picks up the phone to call you because you are more techy savy than he, but this doesn’t happen once a month, it happens once a week, twice a week, and you continually drop everything to go to his rescue. In a perfect world, dad should have bought into the helpdesk feature when buying the computer or signed on with the Geek Squad, knowing that you have a life and can’t jump thru hoops every time there’s a semi disaster. There’s even schools locally that offer adult ‘computers for dummies’ courses that are pretty cheap. We’ve lived without computers before, we can sure as hell do it again. I think some of us are pretty self sufficient, we can put up a shelf, shovel snow, clean a sink drain, pull nails out of the wall, but if you are married/attached, who do you ask for help? Do you call your Mom or Dad or do you call your husband/significant other? I know I’d call on my H/SO first before anything else, even after I attempted it myself. I wouldn’t call family unless I really needed to and by then it wouldn’t be an emergency anymore, I could survive without it because its not the end of the world.

I find it amazing how many people jump thru hoops for their family when in turn their family won’t do the same for them. I understand the concept of ‘family’ but if you scratch their back, they should scratch yours, its not a one way blood line. Anyway, when you visit your parents, do you just walk right in? Do you just show up? Or do you respect their life and give them some notice or at least a phone call…because in the real world, you never know what you could be walking in on and they should do the same. I was brought up to always call first, not to just ‘stop in’ just because I was in the area or happened to be driving by. And for holidays are you told where to go? Or do you make your own itinerary? I know if it was up to me, I’d have all my friends over on Thanksgiving and go on vacation for Xmas, but so far that hasn’t happened yet. But I do decide where I’m going for the holidays and if they can’t accept where I’ve decided to go, then its too bad. To me holidays are just another day for dinner and traveling anyway, another blog I have yet to write.

I’m no expert, and definitely not a psychiatrist, but I’m also not pulling this out of the sky. If you don’t put your SO/H/W first, there could be major underlying problems because the family will never get the hint and they will continue to manipulate you and never respect your life for how it is now. They need to understand that you are a grown person, that you make your own decisions, that you have a life and that you can’t go running to their rescue all the time (especially if they are married then they have a spouse to take care of their problems and not you). You won’t cut them out of your life but you now have another one to live.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

What Chains Us Down Makes Us Stronger

Original date: August 27, 2007
What I’m about to tell you is a true story, you might not know, you might already know, you may not want to know. You have a choice to sit and read this or just walk away.

I am a strong woman, I keep reminding myself that everyday. Everyday I open my eyes and realize that the ones I’ve loved, my family members have been taken from me and I cannot say the things that I want to say, I cannot go back. They were taken all too soon of course, too soon to see me where I am today and to see the person I have become, too soon for me to tell them once again that I love them. I finally have made peace with the man upstairs on why my father was taken from me at such a young age and have learned from going thru all the on-going legal mumbo jumbo that I am stronger than I think. There are some demons that haunt me still, as they would for anyone.

I am still a strong woman for continuing to persevere on and fight the toughest battles, whether they be between friends, family, co-workers or even my innerself. My friends have come and gone, and I have recognized who my TRUE friends this year. The ones who offer you a shoulder and support, call you occasionally just to shoot the breeze, the ones who no matter where you are in life or haven’t spoken to in a long time, can pick up the conversation where you left off. The ones who don’t judge you and who encourage you to fight the tough fight. Those are my friends. I don’t battle with my family, they are a bunch of characters who love me for who I am. I may not speak to them everyday, but we are close, are always there for each other and have an equal respect for personal life and privacy. As for work, well, its no longer a tough fight for me as I am doing what I enjoy and have security in a paycheck and somewhere to go 40 hrs a week. I am strong here at work, fought through truth and loyalty between co-workers who were friends and bosses who were friends. Truth is, can you separate the two and still be friends after a work issue? I learned that the hard way and my friends here at work ARE my friends. They are not just co-workers. I have met their family, been to their house, gone out to dinner with them, remember their children’s birthdays (as best as I can). Those are friends, not the ones who come in on Monday and ask you how your weekend was just because they want to live vicariously through your life since theirs is nonexistent. The ones who don’t interrogate you at lunch time and then talk about you behind your back to everyone else. You may think they are your friend, but in hindsight, they are just oxygen to feed the plants.

What I’ve learned this year is who I truly am (I got ‘me’ back), what I want and that I will fight to get it. The word ‘regret’ is not in my vocabulary anymore, I don’t sit here today thinking I could have done that yesterday or why didn’t I. I just do it! I had lived a life mostly with the ‘if only’ concept, but don’t misinterpret me, everything I did, I did because I wanted to, no one was forcing my hand. Before, I might have put things off, shoved people to the side and yes, I regret that. It’s a tricky line to walk but if you don’t walk it, you’ll never know.

Now, I’m trying to mend friendships from the past, realizing that I had left some of them behind to conform to part of another world that the real me wasn’t accepted in. The only way I can explain that is like this…we have a different personality at work during the day, then we leave work, we might hang out at happy hour, we might just go out with friends. We are someone else, our other personality (the not so PC, quiet-conservative one) comes out. Imagine me, quiet, conservative, not shooting from the hip, actually thinking about what I was going to say before I opened my mouth. It is easy for me to switch back and forth at work, but in real life having to shut me ‘off’ for a substantial amount of time brought me down and I brought it upon myself. I can’t go back and change it. It took a lot of digging to figure out what made me miserable and it had been me. It was entirely my fault for ‘hiding’ and being passive and I am owning up to it. If you don’t know me, I’m not wild, um not that wild, but I do know when to ‘simmer down’ and take it easy, I’m not always ‘on’ but I can’t be ‘off’ forever.

And I’m still strong and the simplest things still make me smile each day - the smallest comment, an email, a text message, a glance, a memory, the slightest touch. It took a life changing event for me to realize who I was, why I was hiding, what I truly needed and had wanted all along. It was one moment, one instance that I will never forget for the rest of my life.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Places to Go, People to See

Did I tell you I had a list of things to do? Not a typical list of chores, but of places to go, things to do, places to revisit. Things that I’ve always wanted to do and see but never did, which got shoved to the side because at the time it didn’t mean a lot to me, but now it does. I spent a lot of time getting ‘me’ back this year and I couldn’t be happier, but that is entirely a whole other story. I always thought that if you are in a relationship with someone and say they want to see a NBA game but you’re really not into it, you’ll make that one small sacrifice and go see the game with them right? Get my point…? January started off with a list, and things are slowly getting crossed off like “Go back to Vegas”, “Try to Play Golf”, “Go Bet on Horses”, yet there are a ton of other things not done yet, there is still time, I’m not going anywhere. There are plenty of places to go, people to see that haven’t made the list probably because I have never thought of them before now. I just have to find the right person to see them with even if I have to make a small sacrifice such as watching a Yankee game.

All Blogged Out

I am pretty exhausted from what I’ve written lately and would love to beeatch and moan about the same old things but I don’t want to embarrass anyone or name names. But besides that I’m waiting for the day I go back to cheer on the horsies and ward off the small Joe Pesci’s. In staying true to my promises, I will not be including a certain someone in my posted blogs, because I have unposted ones that don’t make the newsstand.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Frogs and Princes

After much needed girl talk, topics of discussions prompted this long overdue blog. I’ll be as nice as I can possibly be throughout the carefully chosen words about true life experiences so sit tight, relax and enjoy. You might learn something today.

Depending on when you started dating and experimenting with ‘boys’ I’m sure you’ve kissed a lot of frogs and princes or princesses, whatever it may be. You’ve swapped gum, mints, different flavors across the tongue lines, you’ve kissed in the rain, in the snow, in the dark, in a closet, at a red light, at a party, during a game of truth or dare, wherever, whenever and you have stories just like I do. For me, a kiss is like a light switch, it either creates a spark or it doesn’t and if you’ve ever read any of these it is all about the spark with me. I’ve kissed a lot of frogs, the ones where you need a towel afterwards because they drooled all over the front of your mouth and you try to run the next time they go for it because as of now, your sleeves are wet from wiping the doggy drool. The ones who jam their tongue down your throat and when they continue trying to dig out your tonsils and you try to push them away they think it’s a game of foreplay. Those who have no rhythm to their pursuit you wonder if you should’ve asked them to moonwalk first then you’d have made a run for it. The ones who don’t change the way they kiss, it’s the same thing over and over again, it lacks passion and adventure, pure boredom.

Then I’ve kissed a few princes, I can rank them too, one no one can compare to. But most of all it’s the memory of the kiss, how passionate it was, how it was the 2nd, 3rd, 5th time if you are counting. You can tell a lot about how a person feels thru a kiss, especially if you both are on the same page. I’m not saying kissing is a game of winners and losers, but it’s a connection that has to be in psync. A good kisser creates a pause in time, transports you to another place, makes you feel like you two are the only people in the room (at times you are), creates depth to the kiss that makes you anxious to find out what happens next. Kissing them is like a buzz, an addiction, it makes you into a kissing whore, you want to do it all the time, you can’t stop. Well of course you can stop, I think you know what I mean. But seriously now, (ha ha kudos to my cousin’s Greys shirt) can u survive a relationship with a bad kisser? Does it, can it get better? Can you deal with the possibility that you could be kissing a Retriever for the rest of your life (that’s if everything else with the package is fantab)?

Regardless of what happens afterwards it all starts with a kiss and ends with a kiss and I will never kiss and tell /winks.

Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. – Princess Bride

Monday, October 22, 2007


What is a weekender? In my terms a ‘weekender’ is someone who comes in on Monday and asks you how your weekend was just because they want to live vicariously through your life since theirs is nonexistent. It could be an email, it could be passing by in the hall, but it’s annoying. Today I was particularly aware of my surroundings and figured out someone’s pattern – every Monday the weekender asks me how my weekend was. I no longer give details, not like I did before, but my answers have changed and I only answer the question posed because its really none of their business – my life is none of their business. You would hope that the weekender would get the hint and not press on for more information. But nooooo, they have to pull questions out of the sky to continue the conversation which today of all days, completely pissed me off. It’s just a trigger I have, if you cross that line and push the wrong buttons week after week, then I’m on to you. You don’t care about my weekend, you are making small talk because 1) you want to be seen talking to me, 2) you want to think that you can talk to someone like me, 3) you want to spread stories about me to your buds or your lunch pals because you want to look good, 4) your life sucks. If you are a friend of mine, then sharing weekend stories is fair game, but don’t be interrogating me about my weekend if I don’t talk to you on a daily basis because you don’t need to know. Next time the weekender poses the same old stupid question, I’m going to make up something really good. Don’t be surprised if you hear thru the grapevine some stupid thing I might have done like parachute off a building or get a tattoo on my ass, cuz I might just say that to prove a point.

Do I or Don't I? - sometime last week

Something off cuff happened, unexpectedly, unplanned, not according to horoscope and no, I’m not telling you what it was. [It's my little secret] It was one of those ‘do i? don’t I?” scenarios, where if I didn’t, I would probably have driven home thinking ‘dang I should have!’ and I did, and it wasn’t so bad, it was just a spur of the moment, on the fly, ‘hey how ya’ doin’, ‘I’d like fries with that’, drive down the shore in the middle of the night kinda deal. Don’t think that I didn’t drive home thinking ‘what the hell just happened?’ as I shook my head a few thousand times cuz I did and it continued when I got in. But if I didn’t, then I would have been thinking that I should’ve, and that is just not acceptable.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Place Your Bets

My girlfriend and I have a little bet going. If she wins she gets a Poland Spring Waterbottle, filled of course. If she loses, she gets nothing. She came up with a scenario within a time frame and of course, she won, but decided it was too easy of a win so is going to extend the scenario to include something else, like a side bet. Of course, now I have to keep my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut, to remember not step in the groundhog holes along the way, that way I get to keep my bottles of water and the odds get a little more difficult. If you want in, that’s fine, but I’ll never tell you what its about.

Soundbites from the Office

What I heard in the Office this week:
- I have to go spiffy diffy in the toilet
- Cheers!
- We’re having tea and crumpets at 3 pm to de-stress?
- American women look better with the lights off
- I don’t think I can take the army men on the plane with me, customs would love that.
- Oh, no like dat place for car repair, they charge too mucha money. Four-tee dolla over ‘dere.
- Hope that was clear as mud
- I have to do a PAP
- Is he a dwarf? Does he play the organ? Look at his chair, is he a midget? A little guy?
- I have 4 things to do
- You took 3 slices – and half the people around here didn’t get any!
- I forgot my kilt!
- The Boss never comes to Scotland
- Brilliant! You don’t say
- I have to deal with who? NOOOOOO!
- I hope nobody’s showing X rated films over there
- He’s having a baby tomorrow
- Cuz he’s pretty boring I gotta tell ya’.
- You guys can’t spell
- Someone was drunk and they got the ‘u’ and the ‘r’ mixed up
- You better crop his foot out
- If you listen closely you’ll hear chickens
- We’d never kill anybody either
- If you put ---- up front, you’ll have everyone asleep before you get to the end of it
- I thought they were the queens guards
- I need some reinforcements
- Looks like someone thru bleach on her head
- You know, you really should condition and cut your hair
- If you added a white collar you’d be Father ___
- The tunder it shuk my house!
- …a drink in each hand
- Dead on
- Kick me if I’m loud
- I wanna be able to walk home without a sore bum
- Deutshbag – I like that word
- Knickers
- En dis woad is faw way

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Scenes from a Newsletter

How can a newsletter about work sound like an ad for eharmony or any other one of those sites? First, limit and eliminate the business technical terms such as “team player”, “meeting”, “value added”, “profit”, “goals”, “implementation”, “organization”. Second, add a few personal stories and key words such as “acquaintance”, “high school”, “family”, “marriage”, “friendship”, “renewed” and instant advertisement. There had to be a one personal story per page limit and of course, a page limit due to printing restraints due to cutting costs and distribution, so any true facts regarding business-to-date had to be shortened to accommodate the human interest story. In summary this is how it reads:

“With the new year comes new plans and energy
Merging together
Flash forward
Parallel lives…emigrating to a new world
On the first full day of togetherness
Old acquaintances may have been forgotten
Thank you for all that you do”

“Flash forward” – not sure what the “flash” was about besides maybe the camera that took the heartfelt reunion picture.

First 3 months is free, money back guarantee if not re-acquainted with high school sweetheart in another location. Thank you for giving us your credit card number and personal information so we can snail mail you other advertisements and blast your email to our sponsors.

**Disclosure – not saying eharmony ever gave away personal information, in fact, I wouldn’t know, I don’t have an account.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Fashion Show

Last night I went to a fall fashion show at this little boutique store with a girlfriend. Leggings are back (not the ones with the stirrups thank god) and there’s no way I’m reverting back to the 80’s with those just for fall! The sizes were mostly for JR’s, so I tried on jeans – size 5, no luck, fit everywhere else but the length and waist (as usual), I could put a hardcover book back there with a belt. A turquoise top that I had to pull from behind so my bra wouldn’t show in the front, 1 ivory and brown dress, that because I have a long torso I needed to wear something under it that’s how short it was, (yes, it was meant to be worn with leggings) had that not been the problem it would have been perfect with my brown boots, a jersey olive green bubble dress (where the elastic is at your legs) came to mid way would I ever wear it because I couldn’t sit down in it! The whole ‘bubble’ concept baffles me. And last but not least, a wool trench, that was red, blue, yellow, plaid colors that I grabbed in a medium, thinking get a larger size because for fall and winter the clothes are bulkier (layers, sweaters). With the 10% off coupon for attending the show that would have been my purchase had they had a SMALL!

For the night I spent $8 on a salad I had for dinner, a $1 on a raffle ticket, and we got free stuff in the goodie bag for attending. The leopard print ballet shoes were calling me, but not loud enough.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Scenes from the Stairwell

NN: Noisy Neighbor
M: Me

(Noisy Neighbor shouting from upstairs out his door while I’m on the stairwell throughout this entire conversation looking up at him)
NN: Hey shorty
M: Hey, whats up?
NN: What are you doing Friday?
M: I don’t know yet, its only Monday, why?
NN: It’s my girl’s birthday (meaning his girlfriend, not his daughter) and a bunch of us are going to (name of bar) at around 10, you and your man can come have a few drinks, you know.
M: Sounds like a great time!
NN: So what’s going on?
M: Not much, just busy playing softball.
NN: You still seeing that guy, that Spanish guy?
M: Yeah, he’s fine.
(meanwhile I’m thinking…what Spanish guy?)
NN: How often do you see him?
(now I’m starting to get annoyed - you can tell by my answers)
M: Once a week, maybe more.
(ha ha, he’s asking the wrong questions now cuz even if I had a Spanish guy its none of his business)
NN: So what’s his name again? Am I going to meet him?(#1 – Don’t interrogate me, you’ve just made the list and now I’m playing a game.)
M: His name? Don’t worry about it, you don’t need to meet him, ha ha
(Why oh why would he want to meet my apparent Spanish guy?)
NN: Oh ok.
(I think he got the hint after my smart ass comments, but if he pressed on I had a name for this Spanish guy he dreamed of up my sleeve anyway)
NN: Well I’ll let you know about Friday, you know, what time and all on Thursday.
M: Ok great…bye
(I step inside and LMHO, Spanish guy? I don’t think I’ve ever in my entire dating existence dated a Spanish guy. I’m still wondering…”what Spanish guy?”).

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Signs You Have A Stalker

10 Signs that you have a Stalker – not in any particular order
1) He thinks you are stupid – he has a girlfriend
2) He knows what time you leave work – follows you to your car and makes it seem as if he’s just out for a walk because its cold inside.
3) Tells you outright that “You’re hotter than my girlfriend”, “those pants you had on the other day, wow, they really hugged you’re a$$”.
4) Thinks its “perfect timing” that you’ve actually given him the time of day and he’s been fighting with his gf (oh, did I mention he lives with her too?)
5) Inadvertently invites himself over to your place – even if he doesn’t know where you live
6) Sends an email to you for your extension because he wants to ask you a computer program question even though you aren’t an admin anymore and he’s too lazy to look at the phone list
7) Persistently asks to hang out even though you’ve already said “No”, still wants a few minutes of your time
8) Walks by your cubicle when he has no business to – its not where he sits, he doesn’t work with anyone in the area and it happens more than 3x a day. Wanna see my log?
9) Apparently when you say you are “seeing someone” it doesn’t phase him.
10) Parks his car behind yours or next to it – it’s a “closeness” factor to him.
11) He won’t take “no” for an answer – doesn’t get it that if you say you “have a date” that you really want to go on this date and not hang with him!
12) Borrows someone’s cell phone to get your phone number so he can secretly send you text messages from a “secret admirer”.
13) He buys you a puppy.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Mia Hamm, Spilt Beer, Who Cares?

A few weeks ago I wrote about “rules” and if there were any. I still don’t have an answer for that, I hate rules, I hate worrying that the next thing I do will be wrong, or will be misinterpreted. Screw it – who cares, if I didn’t say this or that or do this or that, I’d be sitting here saying “Oh I wish I said/did that”. I have spent too many nights worrying about that stupid “what if” scenario that I created for myself, a dark mouse hole in a wall undiscovered. So many of my past poems focus on the “what if” – but not no more. You might know what its like without the “what if” – its liberating, a breath of fresh air, just to go and do it or say it, whatever that might be. That silly 3-day waiting period doesn’t exist– just pick up the phone dammit (just an example). I admit, sometimes I think about it, might be only a few minutes, might be a day, I might actually sit here and write it out first. But that one second it takes me to think about it means I’m worrying about “rules” and being PC. Heck, 4 years ago after we won the championship, I took off my shirt in the outfield and pulled a Mia Hamm – (for those of you who don’t know, she took off her shirt after they won the US soccer game)! More recently I spilt beer on a semi-important person that I work with…and yes, it was 90% intentional. Today I might just be babbling, but if I wasn’t then I’d be following some predetermined set of rules and conforming to being PC.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Reader Interpretation

I’m smiling, yes, because I know what you’re thinking and you are not saying a word. You don’t want to, you are afraid to ask. But I sit here smiling knowing that each of these things that you read you will never entirely figure out the whole truth. You can’t handle the truth! What’s great about writing, what’s great about the way I write, there could be many stories to these little thoughts I conjure up, many different twists and turns like an old wooden rollercoaster in the rain. I might just skip right off the track and plummet down knowing the next word I write could make a big difference in how you interpret what I’ve written today. My poetry speaks the same language, many different stories hidden between the lines, might be one thought, might be something that inspired me to pick up that pen and start writing, but only I know what I mean, and you can interpret it any way you like.

Playing with the Queen of Hearts

Back in May I compared “love” to a game of cards. Playing your cards right, betting high, no expectations, going all in, striking it big and folding early. But are we all just a card out of 52? Am I the Queen of Hearts? And you the Jack of Spades? Does love and relationships come down to just a coin toss? No, not really. It’s not a game, we’re too old for that now. Let’s see if I have this right – you put yourself out there, you meet new people, maybe you “let them in” to see your good and bad sides, physical and emotional scars, you share interests, likes and dislikes, common bonds, you give them a chance to see where it goes. Wait, I forgot the most important part – the SPARK! The SPARK has to be there before I “let them in”. In my world it is all about the SPARK. You all know what I’m talking about – you might have a different term for it, but it’s the same thing. I admit, I’m not the easiest person to get to know, but I’ll give you a “piece of me” a little at a time if we share the same breeze. I’m not the Queen of Hearts, we are all not cards in a deck and our life is not to be played with. However, if you think I’m bluffing, then corner me, because I might not be and I could fold easily.

I never told you if I struck it big or not, and I’m not about to because I still have some chips left and I’m still holding a great set of cards.

(One) of the most sexiest things about a man – his honesty

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Better than Chocolate?

I recently saw something I really really liked. Liked it better than chocolate, it had a tremendous effect on me. (I wanted it bad – when you are window shopping and you see those heels that you just have to have - bad!) If it was chocolate, I’d want it to be a pool so I could swim in it forever, continually dive in over and over again. But it wasn’t a pool of chocolate. It wasn’t something I could buy either, unlike that awesome mango martini I had the other night. It was untouchable (an antique), unreachable (I need a step stool), out there (not in space) but “within a glance”. So I relished in thought, added some background music, with the potential that if I could buy it, I would pay top dollar, and wouldn’t ever trade it in for anything in the world. Now I’m addicted to it (like a RPG video game), and distracted (like a dirty thought in my nice clean mind) and am always thinking about diving into that pool and floating around on a raft with a fruity drink. Right now I can’t float around on the raft, the image is burned in my brain with the impossible idea that it would ever happen and that I’d get a pool pass to dive in. But I can enjoy the moment, because they could run out of chocolate or they could give me that pool pass.

This is not a dream, this is completely real and if you are curious, just ask. My “eyes” have nothing to hide.

Analyze This

I’m completely distracted today, I forgot my essential items: my phone charger, my planner, I’m lucky I left my glasses on my desk at work! I did get a good nights sleep after Shawn Green hit one out in the 11th inning, but the humidity is getting to me. Did you ever wonder about something? Anything? Just wonder…what if? You sit there deep in thought, you pick it apart, you analyze, compare, contrast, you look for a deeper meaning to help guide your way. After an hour or two and a slight headache you decide that you’ve disassembled every possible angle, and that there is no answer. Nothing, not even a glimpse of a light that leads to that dark cave. Let’s start again, no, let’s not, because this is the cycle that I normally go thru to figure things out, analyze, compare, contrast, pros vs cons. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t sleep, not the major reason though. I’m not ready to share that with my readers yet. And I say it, I say it again….no more analyzing, compare, contrast, pros vs cons. No more headaches and sleepless nights caused by a meer distraction of that stupid, never ending “what if”. There is no “what if” and “if only”, that was the past. Why think about it – why worry about it – just do it and let it happen, whatever it may be. If you don’t turn that flashlight on, you’ll never see what lies ahead of you.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Nothing at All, but Maybe Something

Maybe that song isn’t so bad after all. I know it will not disappear, you can’t wipe it out like a stain in your shirt. But if I hear it at the right moment in time, then its not so bad after all - it must be a “sign”.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Nothing - Nothing at All

Recently I switched radio stations at work, due to better reception and the motivation of not wanting to hit someone or bang my head against the wall. This station plays everything, songs I like, love, hate, and haven’t heard in a very long time. I am a big fan of lyrics, I can play name that tune with anyone. But today, was again, no ordinary day. There is this one song that I hated, I always hated, and then it grew on me, I enjoyed listening to it, the different versions of the song, it created a new memory for me. It was pure poetry, something to smile about, until today. Bad time of the day to be hearing this particular song, and I sat here, in agony listening to it. Afraid to move to switch the station or turn the volume down or put in a CD. I knew if I could handle the 3 +minutes the song would be over, and it was and I was relieved. And tomorrow is again, tomorrow and the station could play it again, but I’ll have completed step one of my 10 step program of "how to deal". Pathetic huh – getting over a song. If it sticks in your brain, you’re scarred for life, eventually you have to regurgitate it up right?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Starting Fires

Last month I met Shrek, I hate to say it but I did, and it’s not meant to be mean, I’m just being honest. Shrek and I got along but he was Shrek and I was the Little Mermaid and obviously Ogres don’t mix with humans. No sparks were intended. It’s amazing how you can carry on a conversation with little or no fear and have no spark. I think if I were to speak to him on the phone and not meet him, we’d still hit off but then again, with me its all about the spark. The spark that fuels the fire that sets my soul ablaze – blah blah blah. You can talk to someone, have a great conversation but if you expect it to go ANYWHERE, there has to be something there that pulls you in. It’s all about the spark baby, and if its not there in the beginning, it never is. We all get that feeling, that attraction, the butterflies, nervousness, the challenge, the unattainable, the gettable (if you don’t hit a STOP sign) and it doesn’t always happen when we’ve had a few. You put yourself out there, give it a shot and see if the fire starter actually catches. Any idea what I’m talking about because I don’t go looking to start fires, they just happen.

I probably will never see Shrek again because he’s in a land far far away hanging out with his Princess whateverhernameis in their castle having a conversation with Donkey.

ID Please?

I didn’t want to go empty handed to my friend’s bbq so I stopped at the liquor store that I stop at often, (but not that often) often enough so they know my face. Usually if you go in to a liquor store and walk around aimlessly not knowing what exactly you are looking for, (where da' beer at fool?) you look suspicious so they card you. Now, I don’t look 18 anymore, at least I don’t think so. 3 weeks ago I got carded there, I went directly after work and didn’t buy girly drinks, I bought hard liquor and wine. I knew exactly what I wanted and where it was. This time, I knew exactly what I wanted went up to the counter and the guy paused. He was older, at least 50, and he asked the fun question of “Can I see your ID?” I laughed and handed it to him, he says to me “Congratulations”, wtf for? For being over 30 or for just having a birthday? Come on, you card a grandma and she feels great, you card me after I’ve been there a few times and I feel stupid. Yup, I left with smirk on my face, only thinking that he should have known better. I wonder why sometimes you get carded – do they want to see your age or see where you live? Something to think about next time someone asks you for your ID…it could be your next stalker.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Rebel WITH a Cause

What are the rules? Are there any rules? Can we go about our daily lives without any rules – at all? Lately I’m not sure what the rules are, if there is a guidebook to follow, but I sure don’t want to follow any. I think its silly to have to tiptoe around and worry about every little move I make or whatever phrase just happens to come out of my unpredictable mouth. Sure, we have to obey the traffic laws, and work our scheduled hours to get our jobs done, but the rest of it, the daily babble - does not have guidelines. There aren’t any rules to what I do during the day, gosh, can you imagine if there were? I’d have to carry around a checklist of sorts, tiptoe around as if I was walking on shattered glass, worrying the next move I make might set off an alarm. That sounds a bit like Communism and although I am part Ukey it just won’t fly with me. If its 2 am and I can’t sleep, I just might pick up the phone to call you – there isn’t a rule for “appropriate times to call”. If I get voicemail then so be it – my phone is always on for you! There is no such thing as an “appropriate time”, no rules, no regulations, no boxes to check off. I am fed up with the worrying about doing something wrong, saying something wrong, not doing or saying anything. I’m not keeping my mouth shut in the outfield in fear that heckling the other team might start an already impending fight! I am going to abide by my “no regrets”, “do not think – just do” motto. You can’t tie me down, well, maybe you can, but you have to run wild with me too. Tomorrow, I just might take my shoes off, and test the water, if its too cold, then there is always another day but no one said it was against the rules.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The 1/3 Rule

Bend and stretch, reach for the stars” – if you remember that, you watched Magic Garden growing up! Taebo is great, it works for me, along with my stability ball and my “power” bands. I prefer working out in the comforts of my own home that way I can wear what I want, do a routine the way I want to do it, take breaks when I want and pick up where I left off whenever. The stability ball is a life saver – helps to achieve the girly six pack and show off the muscles which had been hibernating. I’ve been able to maintain where I’m at now, give or take +5 or -5, for 3 years. And no, that doesn’t mean skimping on my occasional piece of chocolate, French fries, or the slap of mayo on my sandwich. Just moderation and the 1/3 rule. Always leave 1/3 of your food on your plate, “diet” doesn’t necessarily mean healthy, and never deny yourself your favorite treats (just have a taste). Want more tips - you can pay me to be your weight watchers guru, I accept all forms of dark chocolate and alternate methods of payment can be negotiated. Yet there is nothing like feeling sore the day or two after working out, knowing that the routine actually worked, the muscles are still alive and kicking and tomorrow I can wear that new red bikini. (Nothing like it EXCEPT the way I feel after ….. is a workout itself.)

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The WOW Factor

Is there such a thing as the “grand gesture”? The huge DOA (display of affection) that is romantic, memorable and knocks your socks off? Or does it come down to the little things in life? Does any of it really matter? To me it is the little things, even if it’s a stupid dandelion plucked from the ground that someone gives you as a small token, though last time I did that, I ended up sneezing horribly and that was over 20 years ago and I was stuck in a car (long short story). What I’m getting at is it’s the details, the minor details, the paying attention to detail that matters to me. If you remember it all and use it to your advantage, it will be an enjoyable ride, because I remember it all, or most of it and I’ll use it any way I can. It is the “gesture” that matters, whether small or large, and the “thought” that went into it. It doesn’t have to be a full bouquet of my favorite flower, rather one stem, or the entire chocolate cake, just give me a piece of chocolate. It is the simplest things that “WOW” me and those will be thoroughly appreciated.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Paying Attention

I never noticed this before until I paid attention and now I see things completely different. Funny thing is, I never thought it made me unhappy until now. Have you ever gone over a friend’s house and meet their family and all they do is make fun of other family members or talk about them in a negative light? They don’t make an effort to get to know you, who you are, what you do, what your likes and dislikes are, what you do in your spare time, what your favorite color is. They don’t make an effort to include you in the conversation and make you feel like a part of their family. I can say this, I was absolutely, 100% myself, (alcohol talk and all), felt accepted and included and didn’t hear one vice of negativity at the table over cake. Amazing how the cloud lifts and floats away and brings the sunshine to light the day. It was nice to compliment a family with a smile instead of a frown and to walk out the door knowing next time I see them, they won’t forget my name.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Suddenly I See....

“Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be” – K.T. Tunstall, what a great song. Its so moving, so happy and bouncy, makes you want to sing it in the shower. Suddenly I see, why it means so much to me to be me and how others couldn’t agree more. They say that some people bring out the best and worst in you sometimes, but I’ve realized if you can’t be you around them and with them, then they are the problem. There’s nothing more comforting than to just wear what you want, even if it might be too sexy for the office, but can be appreciated outside of the office. Nothing more hot and sexy than to just say what is on your pressing, playful and dirty mind (or not so dirty). Mustn't forget the impulsive reaching out and touching someone - don't think about it, just do it!

Sexy is back, sporty never left and the summer is just beginning to bring the fun.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Perfect Timing - Not so Perfect

Is there ever such thing as timing? I might renig what I’ve said before about timing being everything. I do believe there are reasons why things happen, but time has nothing to do with it. There is no such thing as “perfect timing”. You can’t just wait for it to be “perfect” you have to take action and make it “perfect”. If you sit around waiting, your time may never happen, it might just pass you by and not knock on your door. I am a firm believer in destiny and how it shapes your fate, meaning the paths you choose to take form the rest of your life, your relationships. I can play six degrees with most of my friends…for example, if my parents didn’t get divorced, my dad didn’t move up here for work, and I didn’t choose to move with him, I wouldn’t have met so many wonderful people in my life. And that was not “timed”. The “timing” in life - its not set, it doesn’t exist. It will never be the right time to do something, say something, buy something. I might never win the lottery because it’s not the right time, but I refuse to let something so small as the hands on a watch predict what I’m going to do, say, and buy tomorrow because for all this time, I really thought it wasn’t right. I had been waiting for the perfect moment in the conversation, when all along I had to make it perfect.

Friday, May 25, 2007

5/12 - Sex in the City Part 1

Italy would be my Paris and dark chocolate is my nicotine. I think in one way or another we all have our "Sex in the City" moments. We chat with our girlfriends about men, life, sex, love, and all the in between. We date/dated, winners, losers, the ones we let get away, the ones who broke our heart, the ones we fall hopelessly in love with and the ones that always come back for more. I can't deny that in some ways I'm Carrie, my fascination for writing these fun little blurbs about life, work and love. I don't write for a column, I write for pure enjoyment but I always leave the names of my subjects confidential. Mr. Big is intoxicating and we've all had/have one of those men in our lives. The emotionally unattainable who you give your heart to, who reciprocates love, then takes it back, until finally realizing what he's lost when she's unattainable and tries to win her back. He is a little more forward and trusting than most men, he tells you exactly what he wants in a relationship. He's honest, trusting and your best friend.

Love is a tough game and I hate to use the term "game" but its all about playing your cards right, betting high and not expecting anything. If you put your cards on the table, and strike it big, then you win the jackpot. If you fold early, you lose the jackpot to someone else. Having lost it all makes the chance of winning it back a 2nd time all the more important. I'm going all in…I'll let you know if I strike it big!

Lessons Learned - A Goodbye To April

Goodbye to April and sweaters, heavy socks, flannel sheets and snow boots. Hello May, pretty flowers, softball, tons of birthdays, shorts, t-shirts, tank tops, skirts and sandals, windows down and sunroof open. What did I learn this month - you're going to laugh but first, don't mix White Zin with Cabernet. I learned to stop being afraid, there's really nothing to lose. I learned that no matter how many times I drive past a tarot card/palm reader building, that I probably won't stop to learn what the future has in store for me. I learned that you, my readers, can never tell truth from sarcasm and how many of these that I've written are actually true and not taken from a movie or someone else's life. Can you figure it out? I learned that who I am cannot be caged like an animal; you "can't put Baby in a corner". Someone once said to me they wanted the "old me" back, well she's "coming out of her cage" finally, and she's "bringing it". (I only hope it's not too late…) You listening….I know you, not your name but your game. I know you, come to me or I'll come to you.