Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Red Death in a White Polo Shirt

Its been a very long time since I’ve buddied up with bouncers but I’m glad I know a few after last night, even if he pulled some stupid stunt to get the group mad at each other. I can’t say people watching was at its all time high last night but it had some celebrity mentions, Patrick Swayze meets the Hoff but only about 5’5 in white button down shirt from across the bar nearest to the door. The only eye candy I saw was a guy who everytime he smiled I needed shades, I’m glad he was radiating from across the bar with his three amigos, I’m sure they were blind by the time they left. I won’t comment too much about the young waitress because she was nice to us, but I was questioning her tactics since I know she was putting on a great act for the guys in the group to tip her better because she was leaning over the counter showing the girls. The time I spent writing my notes in my notebook was the amount of time it took the creepy guy to walk from where he was sitting by the video game across the room over to right next to me to order a beer, you couldn’t miss him in his white polo shirt with the colar up - yes colar up, in a Don Johnson Miami Vice kinda way. Not only did he buy his beer, but he lingered behind us and waited till I returned from the ladies room to compliment me on how he loved my hair, in a very creepy, close talking way. When I proceeded to move on to another table with my friend he specifically got in my face and told me not to leave. Um…Level 5 creepy. I’m glad the people I was with were looking out for me, but I think I would have preferred an escort to my car when I left, even though I have my own hidden weapons of mass destruction.

Monday, August 25, 2008

These Things I Can't Just Make Up

You know you are in another state when….the waitress asks you if you are going to yell at her again when she refills your water glass. I didn’t yell at her the first time, it was just post game excitement and carryover from Thunder withdrawls that trailed over into the restaurant on Saturday. I’m surprised she didn’t ask me what was wrong when I started rocking back and forth in my chair like the Brave’s manager.

My behavior was semi-under control yesterday as people watching descended a few rows ahead where 2 couples sat watching the game. The prissy female got up in the 3rd and didn’t return till the 7th after her friend went to look for her. Based on the body language she was giving the guy in Top Gun glasses she was sitting next to she needed a Smirnoff or two to get her through the remainder of the game. After she returned she warmed up a bit and they resorted to knee touching. But it was clearly obvious the guy was a ‘leaner’ and didn’t give up the pursuit, even after the jilted 4 inning disappearance. I did have a fantabulous time and walked away with a souvenier or two, but marguritas are definitely not my tailgating drink of choice. I’ll resort to beer and chips where I don’t mellow out and my behavior is less than ladylike.

A Change Will Do You Good

It’s hard to shut the mind to the oh-so-notso-wonderful words and unkept promises I’ve heard throughout the years and actually let Mr. Romantic in. Call me old fashioned, or a romantic-in-hiding but I am and the simplest things can put a neverending smile on my face. No one ever asked me what my favorite flower is until the other day and that to me is one of many firsts that I sit and shake my head about and the neverending smile appears. Maybe that is what separates the men from the boys.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Scenes from a Movie

On this very night...
20 days ago and counting
along the same stretch of road...
in a dense fog...
just like this...
I kissed the hottest guy I’ve ever seen
Then there was this sound...
Like a glass breaking
From being pushed up against the side of a car
And when they finally pulled them away from the car
From the Twisted... Lip Locking Event
It looked like...
hooo hooo hooo hooo hooo haaaah!

Yes sir...
That was when I kissed the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait to do it again.

The Creep-O-Meter

Being sceeeved out at a party last year over too many glasses of vino and unnecessary professional closeness and unwanted touching warranted the term Creepy Guy. Creepy Guy frequents the street more than he should (Level 3 on the meter) assuming I’m the resident admin and that I keep everyone’s calendar. But nothing makes my skin crawl more than Creepy Guy asking the local northerners finding out what town I live in to try to carpool with me to work. Ewwwww…da’ nerve – but I am glad I am where I am now even if its far away from where all the action is – for now.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Village Called....

I’m completely intrigued by those who say they need help or assistance for something and assume that you will just drop what you are doing to help them out. Even after I emailed this person step by step instructions, I received an email basically saying ‘thank you for doing this for me, here is what I need”. Uh no hon, sorry, I’ll give you the bare bones so to speak and you can do the rest, that is what you get paid for. Because if my job title said what yours said I would be doing a different job all together and that is not what I signed up to do. I’m here to help – not to hand hold. The best answer I could have given was “I don’t know how” but that would be lying and if it was our resident idiot I would have lied and said I didn’t have access. Amazing how people are supposed to be in charge of redeveloping sites and posting information and putting together forms, and they claim they have no access or ‘don’t know how”. Lazy.

Dr. Phil is Not In Session

I’ve been dishing out a ton of free advice lately, unsuspecting to me at first that the ‘needers’ are just using that as a way to get close to me, once a week, once every 20 days or so, it varies. Some pull out all the stops, every angle, just to try to get a shoe in the door. Nice try but not buying it. I’m not one to be used as your Plan B either, since you don’t have the balls to get out of your current relationship because you are unhappy and move on with your life, rather you seek an easier out by trying to get caught talking to me. Nice try – but not buying it. I saw that coming a mile away. I’m not one to leave someone in need hanging for advice, especially if you are a close friend of mine, but if you think that by asking me for some sort of advice will get us ‘closer’ in that sick fantasy mind of yours, besides thinking you can have another slice of cake on the side is gonna fly, think again. Life is too short to play games and this session is finished.

Monday, August 18, 2008

What happens in AC stays in AC…

except for the pictures, souveniers from severe Thunder, penis stirrers, perfecting the perfect Mango Martini, candid girl talk, sexy beach poses and a vague visual left over from the beach of a red banana hammock. If screaming for more Thunder counts as a sport than Bob Costas would be more than happy to add me to his Olympic coverage of cycling, golfing, softball, and wading sports for the week after he tastes a perfect margarita that was created by accident with little ice. Today is a quite tiresome start to the week with sore muscles being awaken from strenuous exercise caused by 8 miles and 6 rounds. I’m so out of shape, I’m lucky I can walk and I wish I had some chocolate ice cream.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Renovation 101

The office no longer echos sounds of the jolly green giant, but that of sitting in the dentist chair. Aside from occasional karaoke tunes of Van Halen, and typical construction workers using their carefully tweeked slang as they ogle at the females in the office as if they never saw one before, you can occasionally hear a crow in the distance. Some things never change – even the lunch gaggle trailing cackle and interrogation hour.

Paradise by the Dashboard Light

It's not all about mojitos, fried zucchini sticks and a waiter who had really good hair or a bartender with a bad combover who served the easiest drink first getting short changed on the tip. It may be about sunglasses you don’t want to leave behind, church parking lot rendevous that if the doors to the Church were unlocked, I’m sure the party would have moved inside and not lingered up against a vehicle like you were being frisked by a man who was wearing something similar to a police uniform. Its about a starlit sky, blackened catfish, and the sweet kiss of goodnight.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Chivalry is...

not dead. And I have my fantasy football team name - bring it on boys!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Trailers and Secrets

Side note to July 30th post:
The 'trailer' and the secret that I couldn't reveal at that time was my beer pong partner in crime, Leader of Team Pink's surprise birthday party poolside at the docks. Now why would I mention that on here, knowing that if I did, she'd probably be reading it. Hmmm....I love surprises.

Confirmation Required

I’ve been stood up by a good friend of mine, not only did she say she was going to attend a game with me, but she called once to confirm. So when I called Friday to confirm, I got voicemail and Saturday morning to confirm to find out any particular orders for tailgating I got voicemail. 1:30 rolls around and still nothing, so I did what I could only do, call a few people and see if they wanted to join me and by 2 pm I was on the road delivering the two tickets I had to a friend of mine from work. If she didn’t want to go, she could have just said so. Makes me wonder why people do this in general, just leave you hanging. Just goes to show how many people are unreliable and that I have to cut down my friends lists. But all is not a goner for today as I wonder when the next time I can sip a Chardonnay will be and I know it won’t be at her house.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

In My Defense - Just Like A Girl

To my Dear Readers – In my defense it seems my frustrations have gotten the best of me and that the truth hits home for some people, but in all seriousness it is the truth. If you have taken anything personally then its not my fault for telling it how it was and how it is (in general). A shame that it was bottled up for so long and that one stupid thing triggered a massive word explosion. Just know that if you truly piss me off your name will be mentioned and I won’t have the decency to give you closure on the situation – just like a guy. After posting my rampage it seemed fitting that I tell you that the phone call back convenience thing happened again to me last night and no matter how easy I try to make it to get one thing resolved it seems to only get pushed back week after week. I’m not quite sure what the hold up is, but I’ve completed my end of the deal. It just shows what kind of priorities other people have and how things never change in terms of procrastination after all these years.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Anything Guys can do Girls can do…

This whole crazy dating game is just exactly that – crazy. I have to revert back to my playah days, something I’m not very proud of but hey, guys do it, girls can do it to. In my 30’s I’ve learned the cat and mouse game of the present, enough so that its actually pissing me off especially because it is so reminiscent of pre-marital days. The open-ended promises of movies we’ll now never see, places we’ll never go, dinners that we will never share, long weekends in a hotel room and a Jacuzzi that never seem to get booked, sexual positions that will never take place because all it was – was talk. The ‘let’s get together this weekend’ was left as it was said and no plans were made because somebody got a better offer. Now don’t get mad at me if I second guess the nice ones that come along, I mean, look what I’ve been dealing with. I rather you tell me you’ll call me Monday and call me, than say “I wanna take you to the city next weekend” and have that never happen because you never followed through, disappeared or decided walking your pet dinosaur was top priority. But don’t ever tell me you’ll call me later, and then don’t and then I don’t hear from you for days. Its just not right because I’m going to do the same thing back to you – and you’re not gonna like it and I won’t have an excuse for it either. Just be honest, there’s no need to string us along, even if its for a good piece of ass. You wouldn’t like it if I did it back to you – but then again maybe you would.

You want me to like you – and just when I start to you pull all this crap. I’m sorry fella’s I know what I want this time, I have the right to my list of requirements and the game playing for me will only last so long before I get bored with the babysitting.

So guys I’m on to you, and don’t play me, I’m too old to chase you around the playground. But I’ll play your stupid games just like you taught me. I’ll leave my cell phone on, but let all calls go to voice mail – just like a guy, and then decide when and if I call you back. I’ll text message you plans if you do not answer your phone or your IM’s – just like a guy. I’ll continue to text message you plans even though you’ve told me you don’t want to date me months ago because I think you’re playing hard to get – just like a guy. I’ll promise you that we’ll go do things in the city this weekend and name which day, and then never follow through – just like a guy. And I’ll call you when I feel like it, when I’m free to talk, when its convenient for me – just like a guy.

See you don’t have to play the games to get the girl…just be yourself, put down the Monopoly money and get on with your game of Life.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Cause Down the Shore Everything's Alright

Springsteen rocked Giants Stadium last night and you had to be there to witness the heartstopping showstopping E Street Band. The set list was amazing, songs brought me to tears, but that could have been the three drinks I had plus the heat. I could have done without the pot smoke coming from behind but it doesn’t matter because I’m immune to it after all the years of over the counter meds its just not strong enough. The only thing I wasn’t immune to was the sexy man smell a few feet away from me, I asked the guy nicely to stop moving, because every time he moved I got a whiff and that was pure intoxication at its finest, especially during Jersey Girl when I wanted to pounce him right there in the seats but I kept my paws off. Overall the fine Jersey night was perfect, the sky was clear, and I wouldn’t ask for a better end to the month of July and a belated birthday present.

Is that you baby or just a brilliant disguise?