Monday, March 24, 2008

A Good Choice in Positioning

Motivational Luncheon gathering does not promote healthy eating – contradictory of death by PowerPoint message. If you work together, you sit together, and that means the entire department who also abides by team uniform colors and hair styles. Having a zero tolerance is double entendre for weight gain due to consumption of 400+ calories in just cookies and cupcakes in general, topping it off with a Diet Coke and 2 slices of plain pizza. Thou shall not use sexual terms to describe relationship between self and work. Moral of the story, if you tie their hands together, will they still be able to talk after the commercial break?

Friday, March 21, 2008

To a Fan...

To the Anonymous Person who posted a comment to the recent post I deleted, too embarrassed to leave a calling card...

Thank you for admitting that you follow what I've been writing. I appreciate your opinions and am so happy that I have a loyal fan. My readers know not to take me too seriously in here. I'm sure if you had a blog or a forum or some form of soapbox you'd feel the same way. I would be happy to let you know when my book is coming out, but till then, I think you need to log on.

Have a Nice Day!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Leggo my Eggo

Today's usually not a day that I would sit and reminisce about things. Maybe it was the snowfall I was watching this morning out my dining room window, while having toasted waffles and my 2nd cup of coffee, in my nice furry robe. Either way...I remember it....clear as if it happened yesterday.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Save the Date - NOT!

I love to plan parties, it’s a fun thing to do, especially if it’s a surprise party, like the one I’m currently planning for later this year (shhhh). I planned my wedding, prior to getting engaged since most of all my friends got married before me I got to take great notes, then manage all the details down to the table names, even an itinerary for the out of town guests! Why am I talking about this? A friend of mine just got engaged and has been asking me questions and advice, and I have turned into a virtual wedding planner from a different timezone. My cousin is getting married in a few months and he called about invitation wording. So I can’t help but think about it, and yes I would do it all again..but differently. I’d still get the dress, the girls, and don’t forget the groom, whomever he might be. Planning a wedding is all a negotiation anyway. I’ve done it before, I’ve helped my sister, my friends, and I love to plan in general. So I’ll do it again from start to finish, even down to the DJ’s ‘do not play’ list. But I’d do it differently, even if that means in secret, on an island somewhere and having a party when we get back. It’s all the same thing anyway, just less of a hassle. Don’t look for a ‘save the date’ from me on the next run, I’ll call you from the honeymoon.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Ultimate Pair of Jeans

After trying to shop for the ultimate pair of jeans I realized something, I still wear the same ones.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Demo-ing It

6 hours later after removing the headset and remembering to take the phone off mute – this is what YOU said:
“Anything that touches your customer”
“System Chugging”
“The main rub”
“Massage data”
“Go Button”
“Casual user”
“One size fits all”
“Its like we’re dating two people and they know about it”
“death by PowerPoint”
“monthly buckets”
“Get on your radar”
“Circle back”

Monday, March 10, 2008

Veteran's of Cubicle Wars

I’ve moved 6 times so far, this is my 7th time and when I move to our departments final destination after the renovation it will be number 8. We’ve had to disassemble and reassemble the troops, reassign them to different lookout spots and be creative with war scenarios. We’ve listened to 5 different languages during this transition of new neighbors and thank the all mighty for allowing us creative thinking for nicknames and code words. I can’t praise the redecorating gods just yet but I can thank them for eliminating the drivebys. Hopefully this time I’ll be far away from the woman who makes flirting with the older guys a sport in its own.

All I Really Want

I know exactly why I completed a profile, filled out the questionnaire, and spent a few hours returning emails. Yet it still wasn’t what I ultimately wanted so I’ve cancelled my subscriptions to unwanted websites of complete losers and SOL’s, cry babies and boredom, and old geezers who if I saw them on the street I still wouldn’t pay them any mind. I know exactly why I went to that extreme and all along, all I ever wanted…was you.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Our Little Black Book

One of the best accessories a girl should carry….along with a pen for those moments where you just need to write down a thought or two, or a page. And it helps when you have some a co-conspirator. We ventured to 46 Lounge, and I’m not going to tell you where that is, because I think its obvious and I’m definitely going back for the atmosphere. I am glad I had a big lunch and they served a happy hour buffet that was quite tasty, you must try the meatballs! I can’t recall staying out for happy hour till the wee hours of the night and not leaving the dancefloor for more than 5. The main attractions besides our stalker conversation with the chick in the potty who was being ogled by a person in our party to be named nameless, was our new stalker. It is amazing how a guy won’t leave you alone even if you are sporting a huge rock, unless you leave the place. But I give him credit for keeping up with us and continuing his two-step move side to side, as if he hired “Hitch”. Now on to the rest, at the bar, there was a man in a trench coat dressed for work with a baseball cap on, odd duck, along with two bald guys who continued to stare at us while talking to other females. Yes, we pay attention to everything, including when your girl gets up to go to the potty and you turn around to look at us. I’m just glad we got to dance and we didn’t get groped and pawed at by taco bells and Moonshines.

Scenes from the dancefloor –
- Princess lookalike
- Looks like IV from afar but not IV
- ‘Jeans’ #2
- Guy dances with collar up – he puts it up for his shorty
- Donger wears Sinatra type hat
- Chick with Madonna hair in furry vest was jealous of our moves
- Ice Ice Baby meets MJ so Jump Up Jump Up and Get Down
- The African Anteater Ritual made an appearance along with the Kid n’ Play

Key quote: “I won’t touch it again, but it was great when I did it.”

Friday, March 7, 2008

Overhead Noises

Useless observation after how many years......
Why does the receptionist page someone like she’s calling them to bed?

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Scenes from an IM

: this could be fun
:There are those who ski, those who snowboard, and those who stay in the lodge and eat cheeseburgers
: no horseback riding haha
: no extra cookies for lunch
: brown bag it
: HAHA no "ill take 2'
: 1 per customer
: low fat
: "Need UV Protection to view lips"
: objects in mirror are larger than they appear
: Stay back 100 feet - do not follow
: beep. beep. beep.
: dont feed the animals
: beware of dog
: animal crossing
: spandex alert
: I'm sorry, we've reached maximum capacity
:maybe it would refer to a giant steak or something

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Babies R NOT Us

I’ve heard baby talk for about 3 weeks now within earshot of someone in the office trying to get pregnant. Not now, not me. My clock ticked once, and it hasn’t ticked since. I can’t say that. It did flicker another time, but that was short lived. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or what, but I do want a child, I mean, if it doesn’t happen I might be disappointed but then again the kid would spare all the ridicule I went thru growing up as a redhead. I think it was right after I got married, the following year most of my friends were prego or already had a kid and I thought in the grand scheme of things that I’d be married by 25, child by 30. I’m going on 33 and the thought of it is so far away from me right now. I realized last year in a moment in right field that I won’t forget that I still have some good years left before I pack on 30 pounds for nine months. Mark my word I will NOT let myself dive headfirst into the potato chip bowl either.

Monday, March 3, 2008

What's making me smile....

Making yourself at home as if you belong, a lingering glance, Senor Pizza, a gold fleck of sun hiding behind green trees, my black leather boots, my new pair of Gap jeans, espresso, chocolate chip cookies, Shag mobile and Howie Day's "Collide"...amongst great friends and family and all the above and in between - you know who you are.

Happy 101th post!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

TGIF on Saturday

Venturing out to dinner is harmless right? Yup, and TGIF’s is just not a place to anticipate meeting anyone, even if the shorty bartender pays you a bit of attention. I have to give props to their fajitas, but lows to their ultimate sangria. In due fashion, here are my scenes from the bar on two napkins, double sided and carefully hidden from the bartender who really wanted to know what I was writing.
- Coasters are not used anymore because we are killing trees in there rainforest
- Tall man walked in wearing a leather jacket that had the Superman logo on the back
- These guys were with SO’s…and still staring at us: striped shirt man with chicky who looked way older than him; another guy with chicky who looked like the one who brought his mom at South Park; black shirt man with short hair chicky, ‘uh honey, I’ll get the beers and stare at the pretty girls at the bar’.
- Man at table with wife had ‘electrocution style’ do – meaning, he must have stuck his finger in a socket before he left.
- Sat next to Little House on the Prairie woman who had 6 amaretto and OJ’s, also wore matching sweater just like husband, in different color
- Playing peekaboo thru the wineglasses with red polo shirt man and man who needed a shower
- Bartender only had 7 cherries in the container
- I can pick out everyone on a first date, including the chicky across the bar who kept an ample amount of distance from her date that looked like he couldn’t wait to drop her pigface off.
- Bartender continually tells everyone he’s ½ Jewish
- Local yocal again followed by a before and after Weight Watchers commercial. I won’t go there, it could get nasty.

Don’t flirt with the bartender if 1) you’re truly not interested, and 2) he doesn’t start serving you free drinks and 3) you lose the bet on his age.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

She's Got a Ticket to Ride

We spend days, hours, minutes thinking about what we want in life, what life should be giving us and how we should live every moment as if it was our last. Some of us do that, others wish they could rewind the last 10 to 20 years, 10 minutes, 2 hours, just so they could rewrite history. I’m not convinced yet that I’d want to rewrite history at this point in time. I do know what I want, what makes me happy, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Although at times I wonder what I’m doing, why am I doing this, why am I buying another ticket to ride that carousel? I just wish that chocolate bar would last a little longer and not have a hole at the end of the wrapper.

Another Saturday Morning Cartoon

Besides accidentally walking into an empty mens room and going to 2 empty bars for happy hour, I’m glad to say my week is ending fairly well. I helped my friend out today, she was going to meet Shrek for coffee..yes this is the same Shrek from last year. I could have been mean and let her go for free coffee, but I saved her day. Maybe Donkey will write later and ask her for drinks. This might turn out to be a human experiment after all, even if I’m bored I can still write about others misadventures while I smile from memories of an American Gangster…..