Saturday, December 27, 2008

Things you Say at Christmas....

Things You Say At Christmas that make it a dirty holiday:

  • I have a sex drive of a nine year old.
  • I’m mounting tomorrow, 15 inches high into the stud.
  • Don’t worry she won’t be black.
  • Up against the wall you mfr.
  • I like the real dark ones with big nuts.
  • Once you go special dark you don’t go back.
  • I don’t like dry nuts I like the wet ones.
  • You need a nut experience.
  • If you put nuts in a bush….
  • He doesn’t know how to stiffen it enough
  • I burned him off.
  • I couldn’t let two women lick and suck me for 2 million $.
  • I get spanked too.
  • That was a really good blow
  • You have to pull out the things.
  • Full gas I am.
  • I jammed it in here somewhere.
  • You purposely put your hand there.
  • Maybe next year I’ll twist it up.
  • Show me your crack.
  • It’s on display at the Smithsonian.

and a few more:

  • I need the correct screws.
  • Wow, ball finder glasses!
  • We have difficulty finding the balls.
  • Sometimes you can't watch the balls.
  • I got my stroke counter!
  • She needs her stroke counter to count my balls!

It's amazing how much normal conversation about christmas presents, cars, coffee, blowing your nose and cookies can seem so dirty!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Just Another Not So Typical Happy Hour

In anticipation to close out 2008 on a good note as I approach the end of December, I will give kudos to the eclectic group of Morris County men who approached me at the bar and it wasn’t even a full moon. To the one who wouldn’t buy the “I’m an accountant working at the hospital” line and walked away after I didn’t respond to his ‘we should go out sometime’ phrase. To the group of husky men in hoodies who bought me a Corona and unknowingly bought another one for someone else, because I don’t belly up to the bar to order 2 beers for myself. I liked the move the bald one made, who asked me if I wanted another beer after the two women he was talking to went to the bathroom. They were out in full force last night, going against the rules of men shying away from women during a holiday because they don’t want to get trapped in the gift buying, time spending spirit. And the drunk gal at the jukebox whose friend was looking out for her, I think her name was Andrea, I know she got home safe last night because her husband came to get her. Merry Christmas to all my friends and foes, drink and be merry, because we have to do this all again, next year!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

All I Want for Christmas

I think this might be one of my last entries on this subject, but I have to air it out. Holidays suck big time for me, they always have as long as I could remember. I’m not a Scrooge, they just don’t have those same traditional meanings as the olden days. Since my parents got divorced when I was a teenager holidays have been stressful on me, having to choose where to go. Having to feel guilty that I didn’t spend Easter with this one, or Christmas with that one. It continued when I got married, but now I had three families to deal with. Over the years my family got adjusted to the holidays, maybe they became more aware of the stress it was causing my sister and I with traveling to see them and how we just didn’t enjoy the holidays anymore and that guilt in me subsided. They understood when Thanksgiving came along that I had chosen to spend it with Dad instead of with Mom, because I knew that the next year it would switch up. My father passed away a few days before thanksgiving four years ago and that will always be a reminder around that time for me. When I had three families to contend with it was a huge weight on my shoulders because I knew my family would understand but for some reason it was only one sided. And if your family can’t understand that you have a life with a significant other and have to share these same holidays with them and their families then there’s a problem. I admit I never put my foot down, never said anything about it and I am in the wrong for that. But I did sacrifice a lot and so did my family. So as Christmas rolls around for the 2nd year in a row, I no longer have to get up at any set time to be somewhere I never understood I had to be. I’m doing the same thing I did last year, and honestly it was one of the better Christmas’. To spend the time with my family, even if its for a few hours I’m learning now about these holidays is the cherished time. You don’t have to spend 12 hours with them, just cherish the moment. They will understand if you can only stay for a little while, even just pop in for dessert, they are your family!

And until the day arrives..all I want for Christmas is to wake up and open my gifts in my pj’s with that certain someone (wherever he may be) and create traditions of our own (and see the family later)!