Thursday, September 26, 2013

Surviving the Big D: You are #1

My divorce happened before the chance to have kids came around , so at this point in my life I was looking out for me and that meant doing things for myself for a change and not worrying about everyone and everything around me.  I treated myself to a day at Depasquale Spa with one of the Angels – something I’ve never ever done before. I’ve heard this place was expensive but worth it – and the ‘lounge’ and facial treatment was well worth it!  What had I been missing out on?  I also spent money on something I mostlikely would have never ever purchased before, something out of my price range but that I could ultimately pay off without living off of Raman noodles.  That was my ‘independence’ purse.  I bought my first gold Coach purse, which started a moderate collection of bags afterward.  I still look upon it as my ‘independence’ purse, it could have been any purchase but for me just buying this new purse meant starting my life over again. 

As far as books and movies go, rent the entire series of Sex in the City with or without your girlfriends.  After watching the entire series you will be tempted and driven to update your hair and wardrobe and get that sexy back.  I spent a Friday night watching episode after episode of one season that inspired me (more like motivated after a glass of wine) when I woke up Saturday all I wanted to do was buy shoes and so I did.  I went and bought 2 pairs of sexy heels and 2 pairs of knee high boots.  It was an impulse but I do get plenty of wear of out them.

Read ‘Eat Pray Love’ do not see the movie.  I enjoyed the book much better than the movie.  It will make you think, believe and regain that self confidence once again, I can’t truly explain what you’ll personally obtain from it, but you will find something.  “Rules” books are ok to indulge in if you do not take them seriously.  I mean, rules haven’t really changed, just the fact pagers and pay phones are nonexistent, IM is a thing of the past, that texting is the latest means to conversation and trust in yourself to not put up with any b-s (see your bucket list if you need a refresher).   

If you still need to get yourself sorted out and your head screwed on straight, then I suggest talking to a counselor, overall it can’t hurt, its confidential and covered by most health insurances.  Talking to a complete (professional) stranger about your issues instead of burdening your friends all the time is part of the healing process.  I did and for one session a week for three weeks sure set my mind right when I had failed in ‘couples’ counseling.  It also helped me deal with my father’s sudden passing, so it is worth it to talk to a professional even if you have the support of your friends and family.

Make yourself over and pamper yourself (expensive) just once, get your make up done, get a new hair style, get a spa manicure/pedicure.  Get your ‘guts’ out on the table and feel like you can conquer the world.  You are #1 now, go do things for YOU that make YOU happy. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Aging Like Fine Wine (minus the plaid skirts)

I spent most of the car ride to my 20 year high school reunion trying to figure out how to answer the “so where’s your husband?” question.   Numerous responses came to mind such as “He’s in my dream house” (at the time of purchase it indeed was a dream house), “I left him home but my escort cancelled”, “I don’t have one anymore”, “He fell off a boat”.  Only to be asked one question by a classmate married with children, “So what’s your story, single, married, etc?” With my response being “Divorced” and his immediately being, “That bastard” which is much better than the typical “Oh I’m so sorry to hear that”.  It was a funny, classic moment and definitely uplifting since it was coming from someone not even knowing anything about me in the last 20 years. 

Amongst friends new and old, and old acquaintances being brought up to speed the night could have been without the breeze (and smell) of low tide and burnt popcorn.  Kudos to the bartender for remembering (and properly pouring) my drinks for the evening. 

And thanks to my fans, my new fans who I had no idea you were reading this, it means a lot so please comment often!  I will try to keep it ‘honest and raw’ for ‘Hello my name is ____ husband’ who wants to one day make the blog. Well then I guess I’ll coordinate an outing with your wife and we’ll all go out and I’ll bring my notebook.  I wasn’t expecting to write anything after Saturday, yet wanted to extend my utmost thanks to my followers who like to ‘keep it real’ and ‘honest’.  Sometimes the truth hurts and sometimes its worth a laugh, if only I wasn’t so in deep with poetry 20 years ago imagine the stories I would have told back then!  

Thursday, September 12, 2013

No Plan? No Second Chance

Ladies, ladies, ladies, my single ladies, my newly single ladies, my newly back in the game again ladies what are you doing? I too was one back in the game and had to re-learn the new or old rules, which pretty much remained the same except texting replaced a pager.  But I did not faulter, lean or hand out second chances to anyone undeserving. 

Normally I do not write about my friends experiences however I thought this deserved a spot.  Recently one of my Angels met this guy at a fine restaurant at a work happy hour, they exchanged numbers, talked for what seemed to be an eternity then she hoped he’d contact her for a potential date.  He contacted her to talk, via text and somewhere along the conversation he got short with her and said ‘whatever’ to something they were talking about.  It seemed he did not get the joke, that whatever was in the exchange he took personally.  He never responded for 4 days.  Rule number one, when first meeting a guy and texting for the first time do not have marathon texting sessions. I won’t tell you the main reason why because then it would be giving away more of our secrets,  other than the obvious where one of you misunderstands something in the conversation.  After  4 days he finally texts her and they chat and he asks her out for Saturday night, he said “We’ll go to dinner then dancing”.   I was leary for her to do this since he was AWOL for 4 days and now I guess he’s free Saturday, all comments and misunderstandings aside.  Plus, we had a side conversation that perhaps this guy was accustomed to having his way so he misinterpreted what she said.  Any guy that takes what you say personally has issues and those issues can never be fixed. 

So she’s all excited, she texts me what she’s wearing, needed some advice on what shoes to wear, purse, etc.  (this is what us gals do).  I tell her to be careful and have fun, something was still off about this one, even if I never met him.

The next morning I get a ‘that f-in sucked’ text from her.  I listen, I ask minimal questions and then she says, ‘he’s got one more chance’.  Um – hell no!  This guy asked her out, he said he would take her out for ’ dinner and dancing’ so he should have had plans for the evening.  Apparently there was no plan, no set dinner reservations, no ‘dancing’ venue he planned ahead to go to.  Nothing.  Where did they end up? Houlihans!  This is a 40 year old man, who asked my friend out.  If a guy asks a woman out he better have a plan for the evening.  Men do not get do-overs for not having a ‘plan’ on a first date.  She gave him her number because there was something there, so he needs to impress her with a plan for the evening.  If roles were reversed and she asked him out she would have had a plan for the evening.

Life is too short to deal with this nonsense – Men who have plans are sexy especially on a first impression.  It’s down the road where you can wing it and negotiate plans, but most definitely not on a first date.  You got our number, now impress us.

Of course I told her nicely that he does not get a second chance for being incompetent.  He had all those days he didn’t talk to her, plus the time he set up the date to before the date to make plans.   Sorry buck-o, she tossed you back into the loser pool to move on to something better.

**Last  night I was witness to a similar situation, my friend’s friend just happened to be meeting a guy for a first date at this restaurant we were at.  She walked over and said hi to us and explained the situation.  While we were talking her date texts her and said he’d be there at 8:30 pm, it was 7:45, they had planned to meet at 8.  She told him she’d have a drink and if he wasn’t there by then she was going to leave.  8:30 rolls around and we’re waiting with her and he texts her ‘Closer to 9’, she oh so nicely replied, ‘I’m leaving’.  I’m not sure what happened after we all left the restaurant, if he even contacted her to reschedule (again, apparently this was the 2nd reschedule). I implied that he never left in the first place.   You set plans for 8 pm, don’t expect us to wait for you either.  NEXT!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Not Your Typical Assigned “Summer Reading”

Occasionally as part of our review process at work, we are asked to read a book, relevant to the basics of a working environment.  One of my ‘development task’ area objectives (which may consist of taking a training course to freshen up my skills, to book reading, to explaining to the department the new project we’re working on, was suggested I read “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team” by Patrick Lencioni.  For the record these suggestions come from my boss who in turn hears the suggestions (and sometimes receives the books in the interoffice mail) from his boss as a ‘great read’ or in general conversation from other group members in conference calls.  I do recommend “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team” even if it was a short book, read over a few lunch hours.  It made me want to keep reading, it had scenarios I could relate to, and characters I could put real people to that I have known, have worked for or with.  It made sense and yes I have a brief snapshot of part of that book on my desk.  In theory most of us have worked in, dealt with, played on a team.  The underlying goal is as a team to work together to achieve the goal.  No matter what type of team you find yourself on, if you don’t work together, trust each other, be accountable, lack commitment you will fail.  We all need to have a paddle in our hands and work at the same time to get the boat to its destination (not my favorite example, but you know what I mean).

Next, I began reading Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” prior to picking up “The Speed of Trust” by Stephen M.R. Covey (also part of the assigned reading).  I skimmed most of “7 Habits” due to the details of the book, I’m not a big fan of the ‘self help’ typeface, I want to read a story, hear dialogue, keep my attention and make me want more for 300 pages or so.  It was in a pile of ‘work related’ books my stepdad was tossing, so why not I thought give it a try.  I gave it a try, the only thing that kept my attention was the quotes at the beginning of each chapter.  Now I’m giving it my full attention, with the fear that I might be quizzed or have to give a brief book report on it later on.  It is difficult to get through, and at this point of the blog I was only on the 2nd chapter!  Once I finished it wasn’t as painful as reading “The Speed of Trust” on my Kindle.  This one was fully detailed about relationships and characteristics, from a more psychological perspective.  I wanted and hoped this was more about building trust in a working relationship, more or less a how to or steps to achieve it.  Not personal experience from an analytical point of view.  That was painful to say the least.  At least the quotes at the beginning of every chapter (commonality between the father/son authors) held my attention if only for a few seconds before I had to turn the page to continue my not typical summer reading assignment (again have I mentioned how I really enjoyed those quotes?).