Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Classes for Men - New and Improved

Disclosure: Received in an email – comments are from real life experiences and opinions in general.


Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Comment: If you still are using ice trays its time to buy a new fridge

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Comment: If you keep an extra roll under the sink – this avoids the problem because he actually knows where it is. If he doesn’t change it – you know he didn’t wipe and wash his hands.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Comment: I have not witnessed any ‘sharp shooters’

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Comment: The maid does not work here, if its not in the bin, it doesn’t get washed. Not my problem if you run out of undies - See Class 11.

Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningAt 7:00 PM
Comment: Again, the maid does not work here. That’s all we can ask for – please put the dishes that housed the food that I slaved over cooking in the sink. Thank you. (See Class 11)

Class 6 Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Comment: Ever notice it’s the first thing they grab for if the tv isn’t on – eh hem..besides you? The next thing is the remote for the surround sound, MI3 just doesn’t sound right with tv speakers.

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Comment: No I don’t know where your keys are, No I don’t know where you put your wallet. Do you keep track of my purse?

Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Comment: Nor does it mean you did something wrong…ever hear of ‘just because’? And ‘flowers’ doesn’t have to mean bring her the whole bouquet…you can bring her a stem of her favorite flower. Remember it is the thought that counts.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Comment: No comment – most of them buy that GPS thing now.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Comment: No comment – I can’t parallel park on the first try anyway, sitting quietly usually isn’t an option.

Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Comment: I have to disagree with where this class falls because it should be higher up on the list (i.e. before Class 4) and should be held until they actually 'get it'.

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Comment: This should be called “Why we spend more money when you are not shopping with us”

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Comment: Remember birthday, call when late and leave a note. Nuff said

Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Comment: Men who have never made mac and cheese should be sitting in the front row. All others should be paying attention in hopes to attract a female with their cooking skills.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Comment: Most won't make it past the first class.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow, so many issues with men. Granted I have heard of such issues with men have never experienced such things. I think if you feel men need these classes, maybe there should be a class for women, How to pick a man 101. Sorry it just seems the logical thing to do.