Tuesday, January 28, 2014

"How's your commute" Guy Makes the Blog

For those of you who I don’t talk to on a social basis, there’s an older gent at who had been inquiring about my commute to and from work on a frequent basis.  Just to give you an idea of what he looks like he does occasionally die his "I'm in my 60's white hair".  More or less every time he saw me in the halls he’d ask, “How’s your commute?” At one point he insisted he was moving out this way so that was the reason for the inquisition.  Honestly three years of the same question was getting old.  Now today, he was in the neighborhood  and actually stopped by my desk to not ask me about my commute, but this time, it was about the time it takes. I politely told him, “With my foot, about (insert estimated time) minutes.” “Oh but you get here really early.” “Um yeah I do. Trust me, not sitting in traffic does wonders for your attitude.”  I know to those of your reading this it sounds boring, but to me, he was invading my ‘dance’ space.  You know, he was the fruit fly you couldn’t find to kill, although every time you go in the kitchen you see it.  He continues to tell me he was dating someone in the town that I presently live in (how did that even enter into the non-existent conversation), how interesting the people are, how he frequents this one restaurant (so now I know never to go there on the weekends).  I tried to acknowledge him politely as I put my coat on because it was my quitting time “Good for you, “ “You mean the amount of people that have teeth and those that don’t, “ “I really hang out in NJ more than I do in PA but thanks for the recommendation.”  I couldn’t get away fast enough.  To top it off he weaseled his way in scoping out the pictures on my desk and asked, “Is that your son?” as he pointed to the one picture of my nephew and myself (hence why I only post and display pictures of him with me in public).  Now I was ready to leave and my sarcastic response scale was getting up there, “No, that’s my nephew.” “Oh he’s cute, he looks like he could be yours.” “Thanks, I can always borrow him if I ever need to show up to a party with a child.” 

Unfortunately I forgot how I got out of this inquisition, you know how did it end, how did I sneak out? But fortunately I thought about writing this the entire time on my ride home because I haven’t written anything about annoying-hows-your-commute guy who will never see this anyway.  Perhaps at the next bbq I’ll show up with my ‘son’ and just confuse everyone!  

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Surviving the Big D: Dating

They say the only way to get over someone is to get involved with someone else.  Yes, okay maybe when my head is screwed on straight and I know what end is up, then ask yourself “What do I want/don’t want in a relationship this time?”  Usually the ink is dry by now or at least in the process of.  Many potential ‘dates’ do not want to get involved with you seriously (for more than just a date-date) if they think there’s a slight chance you could get back with the ex if all the T’s aren’t crossed and papers aren’t filed.  There should be no loose ends when you get back into the dating world.  You should not be dependent on the ex for anything – cut all ties and most of all you should be over him/her.  “Getting back together” at this point is not an option – no matter how much your family liked him/her.

Now I’m not against dating right away, you can venture out with your friends and meet people.  The rules haven’t changed (just technology), but they will seem foreign to you, again it’s just like riding a bike.  You did it before, you can do it again.  This time there’s the online dating universe which you really have to weed through, it’s also best to do it with a good friend as a screener.  This way if someone is really trying to scam you by posting their picture from 10 years ago and your friend happens to meet them before you at least you have a warning.  Yes that actually happened (I may have written something similar in the “Starting Fires” blog with my Shrek reference and continued into “Another Saturday Morning Cartoon”).  Dive right in, fill your calendar, practice, learn and you will find someone.  You may even find someone while you are waiting for someone else to show up at the restaurant.  You can’t think of the dating world right out of a divorce as hoping to find Mr./Mrs. Right Again right away, it’s not realistic.  It should be the furthest thing from your mind until your head is screwed on straight and you have direction in your life.  I’ve known too many people who jump right to #2, or #3 right out of a divorce, amazing how many have gotten remarried within a year or 2 of a divorce and some divorced again. I’m not saying they didn’t find Mr./Mrs. Right Again but you do need to figure things out for yourself..at least I did. 

I dove into the online dating scene after my divorce on three different sites, when one wasn’t working for me, I signed up for another one.  Dates that never got past the 2nd date-no sparks.  Dates that didn’t last 2 months.  Dates that got weird – doesn’t matter which site you use, they are almost all the same.  You do have to kiss a lot of frogs (again) and yes they are all out there, I’m sure a few of those ‘winners’ made it on the blog at one point.  Once you’re out in the scene and things aren’t going as planned notice your dating patterns – are you still attracting the wrong guys?  Are you sending out the wrong signals? Are you wearing the wrong clothes (i.e. too conservative/too much cleavage)?  Chances are it could be you.  If you keep buying the same cereal you’ll never discover the next one on the shelf.  Learn from your mistakes, write down your requirements.  Did you have a bad divorce? What do you want now?  (You can refer back to the beginning of the ‘Surviving’ series and read the “Requirements” for hints.)  You weren’t put here on this earth to settle if it doesn’t make you happy.

Those dating stories that you bring back to your friends (single/married etc) are the ones you share over drinks and laugh about.  We all have learned from each other’s mistakes in the dating world, there are plenty of books and online blogs out there to help you too.  I’m a total advocate that if you meet Mr. M and he asks you out there’s no reason why you can’t accept a date for the next night with Mr. Y.  Right? Why not?  You are weeding through what’s out there, even if it’s online dating or getting fixed up by friends until you meet one who you only want to spend your days and nights with.  If you’ve been out there recently with single friends there are slim pickins to what you find out at a bar (at our age) so you have to find other means.  So date online, fill your calendar with every flavor possible, go to dinner, have coffee, meet people, let your friends fix you up, take notes from Steve Harvey (yes the grocery store after 8 pm does have single men food shopping on certain days of the week) - when you’re ready for Mr./Mrs. Right Again it will happen.

I can’t pinpoint the exact point when my head was screwed on straight to get back out there, but it all fell into place as it should have (after the ink was dry and the T’s finally crossed) and my heart is where it belongs. ;-) 

Monday, January 6, 2014

The 'Cost' of Friendship

Throughout the years I’ve lost friends, or they wrote me off because our lives were not going in the same direction and vice versa.  Many of my good friends got married, had children and I too was married at one point without kids, now divorced without kids.  How were we going to get along? Very easy, how did we become friends in the first place?  Yes this is something the girls talk about when we’re together, the married, the single, the divorced, separated ones we talk about it.  We talk about the friends we have lost because they refuse to leave their town to go out and have a good time.  We talk about the friends we have lost because we’re the only ones not talking about our children at their bbq.  We talk about the friends we all can’t hang out with at the same time because someone doesn’t like the other one or whatever gripe it may be.  We talk about them because we can’t figure out why they wouldn’t want to go out with their friends.  But we get together to talk, to chat, to catch up.   Yet I find it funny that once their children get older, they all of a sudden have time for you, years have passed by and they think its okay now to catch up.  I’m still not sure how I feel about that because so much time has gone by and no effort was ever made on their part (no Christmas cards, no text conversations, no emails).  If they truly wanted to catch up, there’s 9 digits to dial, an email or a text to send, a halfway between houses to meet up where the husband watches the child for a few hours.  It all comes down to how important is that friendship.  I’m not saying that all parents are like this, just using it as an example.

I too have had a schedule full of softball games or other hobbies I am interested in, and I may live an hour from most of my friends, but at least I put it out there, even if that means meeting up after work.  For example, three weeks ago, because I know scheduling things with friends with children have to be done ahead of time, I text a good friend of mine about today for lunch.  I heard nothing back.  I’ve extended the same olive branch in a few Christmas cards to others with no response either.  Nice huh?  When do I stop putting in the effort?

I can say the same for some of my single/separated/divorced friends (with and without kids).  Try a month in advance, a few weeks to days in advance to plan something, come up with a date that’s set in stone, find a place to go, then day of I get the cancellation.  Yes this can happen to anyone and everyone who has heard all the excuses in the book.  Yes you can try to appease the situation and hope for next time, but when next time this happens again, then again and again ‘when do I stop putting in the effort?’ At what point do I end the friendship?

I’ve made efforts to drive to my friends’ houses, meet them halfway, but some of them (not all) won’t pay it back.  I shouldn’t always have to be driving to your house to go out or better yet, pick the place to go out by you when I don’t even live there.  I shouldn’t have to pick you up and drop you off when you don’t make the effort to do the same.  There are no excuses and I’ve realized that real friends compromise and make the effort no matter where you are in life, what state you’re in, how far you have to drive, even if it means rescheduling until you meet up.  Chances are if you get a ‘reschedule’ request, most of the time you end up going out anyway and making new friends (maybe next time I’ll send the ‘rescheduler’ a bill).

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Happy New Year 2014

As always we ended the year with a bang and a Fireball and topped it off with some fun quotes during the ‘longest game of beer pong ever’.

You pull it like this.
Nice jugs
It’ll squirt all over the place
Good balls
Its not a party without a pickle
You want to spray this again?
I’ve never been accused of hitting the wrong button.
If you tap it gently it’ll work
Destroy the pork
Reverse cowgirl involves a horse
When I want chocolate I just go to Bobs
This pickle is the perfect size for a _________ virgin!
…four point restraints
I wet myself again
It gets expensive – so I pay a chick to do it.

12-year old douche pipe