BYOPizza? Huh?

Amazing how easily one’s body language changes when they feel threatened.  Evenmoreso when something as innocent as a group of people standing in a circle talking can provoke it.  It wasn’t my fault  “Young Eddie Murphy” ended up standing next to me in the circle jerk.  I have my own man, I don’t need “Young Eddie Murphy” plus the guy needed to use a razor.  Strike one.

(Insert for your viewing pleasure a business casual bar/lounge setting) – now I ask you, would you have pizza delivered to your table at this semi-upscale bar/lounge?  Clearly not.  I am surprised management did not saying anything since business was being taken away from purchasing any type of food at their bar/lounge. Strike two.

Thankfully, having my wits about me I decided to stand and take in the sights and obvious people watching occurring at this bar/lounge while a band comparable to Hanson played Maroon Five and the latest Top 40 hits.  Had I not been standing, Rosanne Bar minus 50 lbs would have gotten clocked for taking up more than two seats in the booth.  I can’t recall the last time I sat down while a band played at a bar/lounge – unless it was an intimate setting!  At least the sights contributed a bad sweater contest and the girl wearing a prison skirt (glad I didn’t drink the water while I was there).

Since my chariot was going to turn into a pumpkin I left after Chucky Cheese made his 300 calorie slice appearance and before the balloon making clown arrived.  Sometimes going out and witnessing these idiocies is worth it.

Underwear and Workouts

Sometimes the type of underwear, panties, jockeys, gotchies you wear can make or break your workout.  I must say unfortunately guys I can’t workout/play sports in a thong sorry, I’ve tried.  There’s just something about sliding into a base and having that dental floss ride a bit higher than its supposed to.  Not to mention having to readjust every few minutes while riding a bike or during a workout  It just doesn’t work.  I have my go-to athletic undees, those that will not ride, will not show a VPL (visible panty line), the ones that you don’t even know you have them on.  Those are not VS panties for obvious reasons.  I can’t say that VS makes ‘athletic – will not ride’ ones unless its their cotton line.  Even those leave a VPL.  The ones I have on today are a bit annoying and they are VS.  But like I said, underwear makes or breaks your workout, nothing like being in the back row taking a gym class with the wrong ones on hoping that no one sees you pick that wedgie from the wall to wall mirrors.

Star Struck

Sometimes stories that I bring back to life now are funnier than when they actually happened.  In my younger years I attempted to give a guy a 2^nd chance, knowing this time around he actually had his license back (so I wasn't the one carting his a$$ around).  I can’t recall if it was the 2^nd date or if it was the 1^st, but the moment I stepped into his dorm room and he turned off the lights (trying to be Mr. Romantic) I was in sheer horror, I didn’t know whether to laugh or run out of there.  So I stayed and realized the spark wasn’t there anymore AT ALL…and I doubt it had anything to do with the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling swaying my opinion.

Where'd I go?

I just finished reading a regional blogger talking about how she put her life on hold to conceive, and how she was realizing that she had lost a part of who she was in order to do this.  She became someone else, someone who she quite frankly didn’t know.  I think we all have gone down this similar path, maybe not in hopes to get pregnant but to change for someone or something else.  In her blog she goes on after realizing this drastic change made her unhappy that she was searching to ‘get back to where she’s meant to be’ and that entirely means doing the things that makes her happy and pushing aside the paranoia for all things leading to pregnancy.  I left a comment on her site encouraging her ‘never forget who you are and always be true to one’s self’, which ultimately in the grand scheme of things, no matter where you are in life you cannot forget yourself, who you are, what you do that brings happiness to your life.  In the end doing things that make other people happy usually bring misery to your life and well being.  Once you lose that side of one’s self, it may be destructive to find it again, and if and when you do you will be happier and wonder why you ever left in the first place.

Cookie Monster

I recently had a conversation with someone about going to the gym, running, working out and eating right.  How often do I workout, how many miles do I run a week, how I eat healthy at work instead of hitting the vending machine and diving into the free food leftover from a meeting, you know the drill.  This person told me how hard it is now that they are older to watch what they eat, have the discipline to go to the gym and eat healthy, etc. and they are trying to maintain a schedule to lose 15 lbs.  I thought that was just an excuse, first I’m older and somehow have adjusted without limiting myself to having chocolate and snacks when I want (but at a minimum – more like a treat).  I say NO to the leftovers at work because I pack healthy snacks (almonds, protein bars, fruit). Real easy….right? So yesterday I was approached by this person with leftovers.  You can imagine what is going through my mind after hearing about the plight to eat healthy and go to the gym and so on and here this person is offering me a cookie, not bite size, it was larger than a baseball probably close to 200 calories not to mention the amount of sugar that would have sent me off to naptime at about 3 pm.  I politely said, “No thank you, I have fruit for a snack”.  I won’t lie and tell you that yes you can go to the gym and work out 5-6 days a week, eat junk food and you’ll get that hot body.  Who are you kidding? Don’t offer me a cookie unless you are David Beckham, because then we can talk about how to burn off those calories later!

The Winter Solstice, or the Winter Solicit, I’m not sure which….

Two situations last night, basically happening in the same spot just at different times during the evening.

Walking to the ladies room:

Gent: Excuse me, are you red?  They must call you red.

Me: Sometimes

(Caught me off guard so I tried to keep it simple with one word answers).

Just keep walking!

Sitting at the bar, older gent, much older gent, should actually be retired, dressed in a work suit and nice jacket (if I didn’t know better I would have thought Santa had regular 9-5 job).  Thankfully my posse didn’t go very far and stayed within the ‘save me’ eye distance.

OD (old dog): Hello, you have a beautiful smile

Me: Thank you

(I figured he was just being nice and he would move along with the rest of his pack)

…I’m going to skip to the good stuff

OD: I’m (insert name here)

Me: I’m (insert pseudo name of the night here I carry these around with me like credit cards for times like this)

OD: Where are you from?

Me: I live in (insert pseudo name of the town I chose to live in for the night).

OD: Oh that’s pretty close

OD: What would you say if I asked you to come home and take care of me?

Me: (again caught off guard at his sheer bluntness) You’re a sweet man and I’m flattered but no.

(At this point I’m pissed, he’s blocked me in on the chair so I can’t get up unless I’m rude and did he just solicit me?)

A drink was put in my hand by one of my friends and I tried to ignore him the best I could, if you don’t make eye contact eventually he will go away.

OD: Would you think about it?

Me: No thank you, I’m flattered.

It may have been the way I said that, that prompted him to say
OD: I guess I should walk away now

Me: Yes.

I’ll give the OD credit, he tried and failed even with the Claddagh ring on his finger, I should have suggested he meet my Grandma, she’s single.

‘Cuz You’re Hot N’ We’re Cold

Everyone has their own standing temperature, what they are comfortable at in both hot and cold weather.  I prefer to be warm in the summer, not sweating, but warm enough where I do not need to wear a cardigan indoors (obviously one of the reasons why they call it summertime).  In the winter I prefer to be comfortable, meaning my nose, hands and feet are not cold, again indoors.   Here’s where it gets tricky.  In an office setting, in the summertime, men get warmer before the women do, so they jack the AC up.  Some women have the same body temperature as the men so they aren’t complaining.  The rest of us are chilly.  There’s also the theory that businesses keep the air conditioning on full blast (and/or do not turn the heat on to a comfortable setting) to 1) prohibit those who are fit to wear classy business attire that may consist of a sleeveless shirt and skirt to distract the workers around them (just because they work hard to stay in shape and be healthy aka have a right to ‘bear arms’) and 2) to keep us awake.  One good thing about #1 is I haven’t had to buy anything new for work in a few years and unfortunately #2 puts me to sleep (many of us do not sleep with the heat up to normal in the winter).  #1 also provides me with the opportunity to wear a skirt but have to sit at my desk with a blanket over my legs, and keep a heavy sweater or fleece handy at all times. (I have seen men walking around in their coats and sweaters, so at times its not just the women who are cold.)  I can also see the point in #1, this is where the double standard comes in.  When its too warm, number #1 also prohibits the others from wearing clothes from their teenage daughters closet, going against company dress code policy in general.

 

Yes I sit in a bad spot, I not only have the breeze from the hall that leads from the lobby area, I am surrounded by 3 vents, so the constant air on me is not healthy to begin with.  I can’t complain too much though, I can wear my winter clothes throughout the year (can you hear the sarcasm?)  And thanks to a sign posted by office management on the thermostat closest to my area, the temperature gastapo has stopped moving the dial below 70.

So there are a few good things that come about from this daily inconvenience.  Not only has the inconsistent temperature saved me money from buying new work clothes for the change of seasons, it also makes me spend more money to keep warm in the winter months because you never know if the heat is going to be on when you walk in on Monday.  There are only so many layers of clothes you can wear to work before it gets to be ridiculous, sitting at your desk in a turtleneck, sweater, plus your coat, scarf and fingerless gloves for half the day draws the line.  At times its more comfortable outside in the sun. 

Some say if you get up in the morning and dread going to work you’re not having fun or you don’t like your job, the only thing I dread is knowing what the temperature will be.  Because its not healthy or good for your posture if you are hunched over your keyboard shivering, trying to keep warm, or leaning in because the draft is too much.  I don’t think we’ll ever win this battle (since things haven’t changed since I’ve been here so I’m quite used to it), but at least we can avoid it by working from home/Starbucks/Panera where its comfortable.