Thursday, August 22, 2013

Surviving the Big D: The Every-days

So you’re alone, you’re by yourself in your space, whether it’s the house that you kept or an apartment, your parents house, your friends couch or somewhere else.  You have no one to answer to, no one to complain to, no complaints to hear.  Your everyday changes.  You begin to wonder what you are going to do with yourself now, you ask yourself “how do I spend all this free time?”  Use your family and friends as support, you will find out who your true friends are once you go through a traumatic experience in your life, such as a divorce.  They are the ones that stick through it with you.  Do not ask them to choose sides, it’s not their place to get involved with your personal issues, they are not paying that legal fee.  It can make things worse for everyone.  And if they do choose the opposite side, then they really weren’t your friend after all.

As you begin this new chapter in your life, think of it as ‘getting the old me back’.  I gave up a lot of things I liked to do, friends I had, clothes I wore, just to name a few and it made me miserable.  In hindsight it was for nothing.  I learned now I will not lose who I am in a relationship because it’s who I was before I got there. It’s who he fell in love with.  I will not wear baggy clothes at family events because a family member continually tells me “You’re too skinny”. I will not say “No” to friends’ bbq’s because my SO doesn’t want to go.  I will wear my clothes, I will go anyway.  I will not lose who I am and be miserable again.

But you learn this, as I had to relearn this.  I learned it takes time to heal, time to figure it all out and that time may be 6 months, it might be a year, it might be longer.  I learned to get my life in check, get ‘me back’ before I had any sense of direction.  I learned and so will you.  Again, it takes patience with yourself.  It’s a rediscovery, a do-over.  So I ask you who were you before?  Did you give up what made you happy only in the end to discover it made you miserable?  What makes you happy?

I started writing again, in different forms. I do occasionally still write poetry, I’ve written a few spoken word pieces and now my main focus is blogs (short snippets of my life, some true, some highly exaggerated).  Thank you Carrie Bradshaw!  I dove into exercise, not that I needed it but I found other interests such as running and cycling (thanks to having a Schwinn in my teens) to fill up all that extra time. I’m secretly waiting for the roller skating itch to return…shhh.  You will find that filling up your days with doing the things you love, what makes you happy, what you enjoy doing will be rewarding.  You will find new friends, reconnect with old ones, discover new hobbies.  Remember that bucket list?  Here’s your chance to start to cross some things off. 

It was difficult for me, having all this time to myself, filing my weekends with the big question “hmm what can I do today?” Everything and anything is possible.  Having friends and family to support you makes all the difference in getting through the every-days.

Just another installment in 'Surviving the Big D'

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