Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Reader Interpretation

I’m smiling, yes, because I know what you’re thinking and you are not saying a word. You don’t want to, you are afraid to ask. But I sit here smiling knowing that each of these things that you read you will never entirely figure out the whole truth. You can’t handle the truth! What’s great about writing, what’s great about the way I write, there could be many stories to these little thoughts I conjure up, many different twists and turns like an old wooden rollercoaster in the rain. I might just skip right off the track and plummet down knowing the next word I write could make a big difference in how you interpret what I’ve written today. My poetry speaks the same language, many different stories hidden between the lines, might be one thought, might be something that inspired me to pick up that pen and start writing, but only I know what I mean, and you can interpret it any way you like.

Playing with the Queen of Hearts

Back in May I compared “love” to a game of cards. Playing your cards right, betting high, no expectations, going all in, striking it big and folding early. But are we all just a card out of 52? Am I the Queen of Hearts? And you the Jack of Spades? Does love and relationships come down to just a coin toss? No, not really. It’s not a game, we’re too old for that now. Let’s see if I have this right – you put yourself out there, you meet new people, maybe you “let them in” to see your good and bad sides, physical and emotional scars, you share interests, likes and dislikes, common bonds, you give them a chance to see where it goes. Wait, I forgot the most important part – the SPARK! The SPARK has to be there before I “let them in”. In my world it is all about the SPARK. You all know what I’m talking about – you might have a different term for it, but it’s the same thing. I admit, I’m not the easiest person to get to know, but I’ll give you a “piece of me” a little at a time if we share the same breeze. I’m not the Queen of Hearts, we are all not cards in a deck and our life is not to be played with. However, if you think I’m bluffing, then corner me, because I might not be and I could fold easily.

I never told you if I struck it big or not, and I’m not about to because I still have some chips left and I’m still holding a great set of cards.

(One) of the most sexiest things about a man – his honesty

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Better than Chocolate?

I recently saw something I really really liked. Liked it better than chocolate, it had a tremendous effect on me. (I wanted it bad – when you are window shopping and you see those heels that you just have to have - bad!) If it was chocolate, I’d want it to be a pool so I could swim in it forever, continually dive in over and over again. But it wasn’t a pool of chocolate. It wasn’t something I could buy either, unlike that awesome mango martini I had the other night. It was untouchable (an antique), unreachable (I need a step stool), out there (not in space) but “within a glance”. So I relished in thought, added some background music, with the potential that if I could buy it, I would pay top dollar, and wouldn’t ever trade it in for anything in the world. Now I’m addicted to it (like a RPG video game), and distracted (like a dirty thought in my nice clean mind) and am always thinking about diving into that pool and floating around on a raft with a fruity drink. Right now I can’t float around on the raft, the image is burned in my brain with the impossible idea that it would ever happen and that I’d get a pool pass to dive in. But I can enjoy the moment, because they could run out of chocolate or they could give me that pool pass.

This is not a dream, this is completely real and if you are curious, just ask. My “eyes” have nothing to hide.

Analyze This

I’m completely distracted today, I forgot my essential items: my phone charger, my planner, I’m lucky I left my glasses on my desk at work! I did get a good nights sleep after Shawn Green hit one out in the 11th inning, but the humidity is getting to me. Did you ever wonder about something? Anything? Just wonder…what if? You sit there deep in thought, you pick it apart, you analyze, compare, contrast, you look for a deeper meaning to help guide your way. After an hour or two and a slight headache you decide that you’ve disassembled every possible angle, and that there is no answer. Nothing, not even a glimpse of a light that leads to that dark cave. Let’s start again, no, let’s not, because this is the cycle that I normally go thru to figure things out, analyze, compare, contrast, pros vs cons. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t sleep, not the major reason though. I’m not ready to share that with my readers yet. And I say it, I say it again….no more analyzing, compare, contrast, pros vs cons. No more headaches and sleepless nights caused by a meer distraction of that stupid, never ending “what if”. There is no “what if” and “if only”, that was the past. Why think about it – why worry about it – just do it and let it happen, whatever it may be. If you don’t turn that flashlight on, you’ll never see what lies ahead of you.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Nothing at All, but Maybe Something

Maybe that song isn’t so bad after all. I know it will not disappear, you can’t wipe it out like a stain in your shirt. But if I hear it at the right moment in time, then its not so bad after all - it must be a “sign”.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Nothing - Nothing at All

Recently I switched radio stations at work, due to better reception and the motivation of not wanting to hit someone or bang my head against the wall. This station plays everything, songs I like, love, hate, and haven’t heard in a very long time. I am a big fan of lyrics, I can play name that tune with anyone. But today, was again, no ordinary day. There is this one song that I hated, I always hated, and then it grew on me, I enjoyed listening to it, the different versions of the song, it created a new memory for me. It was pure poetry, something to smile about, until today. Bad time of the day to be hearing this particular song, and I sat here, in agony listening to it. Afraid to move to switch the station or turn the volume down or put in a CD. I knew if I could handle the 3 +minutes the song would be over, and it was and I was relieved. And tomorrow is again, tomorrow and the station could play it again, but I’ll have completed step one of my 10 step program of "how to deal". Pathetic huh – getting over a song. If it sticks in your brain, you’re scarred for life, eventually you have to regurgitate it up right?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Starting Fires

Last month I met Shrek, I hate to say it but I did, and it’s not meant to be mean, I’m just being honest. Shrek and I got along but he was Shrek and I was the Little Mermaid and obviously Ogres don’t mix with humans. No sparks were intended. It’s amazing how you can carry on a conversation with little or no fear and have no spark. I think if I were to speak to him on the phone and not meet him, we’d still hit off but then again, with me its all about the spark. The spark that fuels the fire that sets my soul ablaze – blah blah blah. You can talk to someone, have a great conversation but if you expect it to go ANYWHERE, there has to be something there that pulls you in. It’s all about the spark baby, and if its not there in the beginning, it never is. We all get that feeling, that attraction, the butterflies, nervousness, the challenge, the unattainable, the gettable (if you don’t hit a STOP sign) and it doesn’t always happen when we’ve had a few. You put yourself out there, give it a shot and see if the fire starter actually catches. Any idea what I’m talking about because I don’t go looking to start fires, they just happen.

I probably will never see Shrek again because he’s in a land far far away hanging out with his Princess whateverhernameis in their castle having a conversation with Donkey.

ID Please?

I didn’t want to go empty handed to my friend’s bbq so I stopped at the liquor store that I stop at often, (but not that often) often enough so they know my face. Usually if you go in to a liquor store and walk around aimlessly not knowing what exactly you are looking for, (where da' beer at fool?) you look suspicious so they card you. Now, I don’t look 18 anymore, at least I don’t think so. 3 weeks ago I got carded there, I went directly after work and didn’t buy girly drinks, I bought hard liquor and wine. I knew exactly what I wanted and where it was. This time, I knew exactly what I wanted went up to the counter and the guy paused. He was older, at least 50, and he asked the fun question of “Can I see your ID?” I laughed and handed it to him, he says to me “Congratulations”, wtf for? For being over 30 or for just having a birthday? Come on, you card a grandma and she feels great, you card me after I’ve been there a few times and I feel stupid. Yup, I left with smirk on my face, only thinking that he should have known better. I wonder why sometimes you get carded – do they want to see your age or see where you live? Something to think about next time someone asks you for your ID…it could be your next stalker.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Rebel WITH a Cause

What are the rules? Are there any rules? Can we go about our daily lives without any rules – at all? Lately I’m not sure what the rules are, if there is a guidebook to follow, but I sure don’t want to follow any. I think its silly to have to tiptoe around and worry about every little move I make or whatever phrase just happens to come out of my unpredictable mouth. Sure, we have to obey the traffic laws, and work our scheduled hours to get our jobs done, but the rest of it, the daily babble - does not have guidelines. There aren’t any rules to what I do during the day, gosh, can you imagine if there were? I’d have to carry around a checklist of sorts, tiptoe around as if I was walking on shattered glass, worrying the next move I make might set off an alarm. That sounds a bit like Communism and although I am part Ukey it just won’t fly with me. If its 2 am and I can’t sleep, I just might pick up the phone to call you – there isn’t a rule for “appropriate times to call”. If I get voicemail then so be it – my phone is always on for you! There is no such thing as an “appropriate time”, no rules, no regulations, no boxes to check off. I am fed up with the worrying about doing something wrong, saying something wrong, not doing or saying anything. I’m not keeping my mouth shut in the outfield in fear that heckling the other team might start an already impending fight! I am going to abide by my “no regrets”, “do not think – just do” motto. You can’t tie me down, well, maybe you can, but you have to run wild with me too. Tomorrow, I just might take my shoes off, and test the water, if its too cold, then there is always another day but no one said it was against the rules.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The 1/3 Rule

Bend and stretch, reach for the stars” – if you remember that, you watched Magic Garden growing up! Taebo is great, it works for me, along with my stability ball and my “power” bands. I prefer working out in the comforts of my own home that way I can wear what I want, do a routine the way I want to do it, take breaks when I want and pick up where I left off whenever. The stability ball is a life saver – helps to achieve the girly six pack and show off the muscles which had been hibernating. I’ve been able to maintain where I’m at now, give or take +5 or -5, for 3 years. And no, that doesn’t mean skimping on my occasional piece of chocolate, French fries, or the slap of mayo on my sandwich. Just moderation and the 1/3 rule. Always leave 1/3 of your food on your plate, “diet” doesn’t necessarily mean healthy, and never deny yourself your favorite treats (just have a taste). Want more tips - you can pay me to be your weight watchers guru, I accept all forms of dark chocolate and alternate methods of payment can be negotiated. Yet there is nothing like feeling sore the day or two after working out, knowing that the routine actually worked, the muscles are still alive and kicking and tomorrow I can wear that new red bikini. (Nothing like it EXCEPT the way I feel after ….. is a workout itself.)

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The WOW Factor

Is there such a thing as the “grand gesture”? The huge DOA (display of affection) that is romantic, memorable and knocks your socks off? Or does it come down to the little things in life? Does any of it really matter? To me it is the little things, even if it’s a stupid dandelion plucked from the ground that someone gives you as a small token, though last time I did that, I ended up sneezing horribly and that was over 20 years ago and I was stuck in a car (long short story). What I’m getting at is it’s the details, the minor details, the paying attention to detail that matters to me. If you remember it all and use it to your advantage, it will be an enjoyable ride, because I remember it all, or most of it and I’ll use it any way I can. It is the “gesture” that matters, whether small or large, and the “thought” that went into it. It doesn’t have to be a full bouquet of my favorite flower, rather one stem, or the entire chocolate cake, just give me a piece of chocolate. It is the simplest things that “WOW” me and those will be thoroughly appreciated.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Paying Attention

I never noticed this before until I paid attention and now I see things completely different. Funny thing is, I never thought it made me unhappy until now. Have you ever gone over a friend’s house and meet their family and all they do is make fun of other family members or talk about them in a negative light? They don’t make an effort to get to know you, who you are, what you do, what your likes and dislikes are, what you do in your spare time, what your favorite color is. They don’t make an effort to include you in the conversation and make you feel like a part of their family. I can say this, I was absolutely, 100% myself, (alcohol talk and all), felt accepted and included and didn’t hear one vice of negativity at the table over cake. Amazing how the cloud lifts and floats away and brings the sunshine to light the day. It was nice to compliment a family with a smile instead of a frown and to walk out the door knowing next time I see them, they won’t forget my name.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Suddenly I See....

“Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be” – K.T. Tunstall, what a great song. Its so moving, so happy and bouncy, makes you want to sing it in the shower. Suddenly I see, why it means so much to me to be me and how others couldn’t agree more. They say that some people bring out the best and worst in you sometimes, but I’ve realized if you can’t be you around them and with them, then they are the problem. There’s nothing more comforting than to just wear what you want, even if it might be too sexy for the office, but can be appreciated outside of the office. Nothing more hot and sexy than to just say what is on your pressing, playful and dirty mind (or not so dirty). Mustn't forget the impulsive reaching out and touching someone - don't think about it, just do it!

Sexy is back, sporty never left and the summer is just beginning to bring the fun.