Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Adventures of-the-not-so-kind-in Babysitting

Car packed, ezpass ready to go and the ‘angels’ headed to the shore for the annual girls trip.  We returned to the scene of the crime beach bar where three years ago I drank too much and didn’t eat enough and never made it back out of the room for the nightlife (or as I like to put it, the bed was much more comfortable).  The tables turned this time as one of the angels was in that same situation.  We hit our usual beach bar, figuring we’d eat later, and we should have just ordered an appetizer first.  A few drinks later, one bachelor party and an old man sitting next to me who got an earful we moved on to food.  After eating and making sure the angel was fine without us, we put on our dresses and headed out to this new club HQ in Revel (new hotel).  At 1 am there was a line to get in and somehow we got asked by this group of college guys to go in with them. Of course the birthday girl pulled out the birthday card and the ‘leader’ of their pack paid for her admission along with shots of Birthday Cake vodka for everyone.  Little did he know that in about 5 years from now offering to buy ladies free drinks will not get him anywhere.  I will say that was the funner group of the night, especially the version of Titanium sung by the taller of the pack making me think the high pitched sound was a hint he was gay.  Unfortunately when being sandwiched on a dancefloor there isn’t room to get away so to speak so we walked around and dodged and dived every guy who wanted to reach out and touch one of us or buy us a drink.  I can’t count the times we were asked, it was unreal.  On to the next pass…where this guy, all by himself, a Sean Astin look alike from the LOTR, said “You three ladies look like you need a drink” and bought us Patron shots, actually they were double shots, and did not leave us alone, he got all touchy feely creepy (if that’s at all possible in one sentence) but thankfully we were saved by the other pack of college kids (do you see a pattern here?). They at least held a conversation and bought a decent round of drinks, yet hard to ditch on the dancefloor after telling stories of being in a car accident, who wouldn’t want to ditch them?  And yet we were entertained by their naivety as usual, because none of them were convinced we were in our 30s.  “Yes, really!”

HQ was comical to say the least, I wanted to huddle and yell “21, 26, 37 hut hut hike” haha.  We vowed to card the next pack prior to accepting any drinks next time out.

On to 5 am noodles to get us balanced and back to reality, yet getting to 5 am noodles through the pack of ladies of the night and their groupies was a trip.  “Hey, you could use some chocolate around that milky white mouth of yours,” as we yelled back “White milk”, “fat free’, “skim”!  Yes I know, its bad, but he asked for it.

Down one angel we venture out the next night to Boogie Nights, the remedy for our search for a dancefloor with room to move and no one to grope us.  Seeking refuge in Michael Jackson, Vanilla Ice and KC and the Sunshine Band was the cure we needed, along with the older (much older) guys that joined us (and did not grope us, try to pick us up or buy us drinks).  They were great, we never even got their names but I have a picture of them below, they were good sports.  We were also asked for one last ‘kid’n’play’ move before we left, had we accepted it I would have been barefoot since the running man and staying alive put our dogs out for the night. 

The next day views on the beach were none to gawk at, we saw a tiki hut in bright colors set up by a family, we were tempted to go see what drinks they had after we caught wind of someone smoking the funny stuff.  The 80’s couple was cute, all decked out in a wife beater and pony tail , while the female wore a short denim skirt and her hair teased out in ponytail with a scrunchie, she must have followed Warrant as a teenager.  But it takes a real man to carry his daughters hot pink and purple backpack.

Overall my vote goes to testing the baseball cap theory: “Don’t take offense to this but I have to ask, are you bald under there?” and the guy nicely replied, “No I’m not offended” removed his hat and said “Yes I am”.