Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Surviving the Big D: The Requirements

I’ve posted the ‘Requirements’ a few years ago and here is how I got to that point.  In no particular order of how you want do get back your sanity, write a list of everything you want in your next relationship, or as I’ve called it “Requirements”. These “Requirements” should be a list of what you are looking for in a relationship, from your potential significant other including situations you do not want to happen in your next relationship.  For example my ex-MIL forgot about the doorbell and calling first before stopping by and my ex never-ever confronted her about it.  Yeah that won’t happen again. 

As you meet people out with friends, dating, you’ll find this as a guide, not necessarily as a list to live by, more as a guide to keep you in line from making those same mistakes again.  My first requirement was ‘Can you boil water?’ in others words, ‘can you cook?’  It’s one of those ice breaker questions you can bring up just meeting someone and they won’t know exactly where you’re going with it (even if it is a bit sarcastic).  You may add other ‘requirements’ as you go along and set up your own rating system.  Not every person you meet has to meet all the requirements, although having a form to easily carry in your purse to hand out to prospects had crossed my mind at one point.  I’ve encouraged my single friends, including those still in the dating pool to make their own list.  There’s always something that happens in relationships we were in that we promise ourselves we won’t deal with again, well..write it down! 

 I no longer abide by my list of “Requirements”, yet it is a great frame for the future and makes a great conversation Q&A to jerks you meet along the way in your newly single life.  Share it with your friends, ask your friends to add to it.  It’s therapeutic as well when you get together with friends and laugh about it and never gets old.  I wonder why I didn’t have this in the first place?

Samples of the ‘Requirements” 
  • Must know how to cook – at least boil water and make mac and cheese
  • Must knowhow to do laundry – there is a big difference between whites and darks
  • Must have manners – A door for me, whether it be the car door or any door. Opening 1 door that night is a big brownie point winner.
  • If he has a pet, make sure he spends quality time with the pet, otherwise I may find myself locked in the basement when he wants to be alone

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Not on My Roster

Every fall softball season I lose a player on Ball Busters, I do pick up a few but I have to search for them, scout them, hope that someone has a friend who can play. I usually post an ad on a local softball forum, I’ve had success there a few times for tournament players and filing a roster spot.  So when this guy by the name of “John” (yes I’ll use his first name or at least the name he gave me) emailed me and gave me his number to text him back, I turned it into an interview.  “Do you currently play?” “What position do you play?”  “Where do you bat in the lineup?”  He just so happened to have a game that night so I asked him to tell me his stats and we’d talk.  In a way I didn’t like his attitude over texting, and he sounded very young and immature.  He sounded like there was only an “I” in his team.

So he wouldn’t tell me if he went 3 for 4 or whatnot the next day but he was adamant about being on my team.  He was evasive.  This weekend he texted me wanting to know if he was part of the team or he’d make other plans.  Well the weekend got away from me and I knew I was waiting for other responses for feelers I placed so I got back to him 2 days later.  Which leads us to today another text message “Am I playing or you dint need me anymore?” Yes he misspelled ‘don’t’ aside from the tone I was turned off. I knew he would not be a good mix with the rest of my team.  Mostlikely someone would want to bash his head in given the attitude.  Now I tell him I need to make a decision by such and such a date and he wants a response ‘yes or no’ today. I then typed out nicely that I may already have too many people but that if a spot opens up I’d let him know.  Well didn’t that just open the marathon texting from the other end of the phone.  OMG, are you f-in kidding me? I thought to myself.  He really took it personal that I didn’t want his cocky self on my all-star team.  He then called me ‘cocky’ after I politely deleted the three messages he sent me and I replied, “Nice to meet you.  Good  luck in the rest of your season.” I see nothing short of cocky in that sentence, if anything I was politely sarcastic.  Wait for it….the kicker was he sent me a ‘selfie’ saying ‘Now you saw me, you wish you had me on your undefeated team.” Um, no guy I don’t.  We’re undefeated for a reason.   I’d hate to be the girl in a relationship with this guy. 

As I politely end this while its still fresh on my mind, I’m waiting for another barrage of texts which at this point I’ll post his # for everyone to RSVP to.  Check your attitude at the door – not on my roster!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Surviving the Big D: The Bucket List

First things first, in order to start a new while I was waiting for the papers to be in stone I wrote a bucket list.  This bucket list is everything I ever wanted to do, places I wanted to see, when I was married (and prior to) but he didn’t want to do them with me or had already done them.  These are my hopes for the future that are somewhat attainable, things to plan ahead for.  My item of seeing a great white shark probably would never happen in a safe situation but it’s a clear reminder that is something I’d like to see one day (out in the wild, in a safe environment, but not at a zoo).  Once the list was completed and typed out legibly I hung it on my refrigerator.  It served as a constant reminder that this is who I am/was/am going to find again and these are the things I will accomplish.  If you decide to do this for yourself you can start anywhere and check them off as they are completed.  Living close to NYC for most of my life off the NJ Turnpike I had never been to the top of the Empire State Building, so when my friend and I were sent to the city for IT training, she went with me to cross that one off the list.  Share it with your friends, they will want to help you and you will have fun doing so. I still have mine, there are a few yet to be crossed off such as a trip to Australia and Cooperstown, and buying a pair of black leather pants.

If I've learned anything from this is that if you are in a relationship you will do what it takes to make that other person happy, even if they've never been to the Empire State Building and you have.  Taking trips to learn things together, experience it all over again creates memories that will last a lifetime.