Thanks to my friend who gave me the title – without it would be meaningless.
We all have to get along in this cubicle world so please take your personal life outside on your cell phone that constantly rings at your desk or talk in code, we hear everything. Get instant messenger, don’t have your wife call your desk phone and if you don’t pick up call your cell phone, because you left it at your desk and we hear your hideous ring tone that sounds like a circus. Don’t call your doctor either, I don’t care what kind of medication you are on that you need refills for and now that I know, all my questions about you have been answered. And then there’s your family, which son got pulled over, who’s not doing their homework, the sentimental nicknames you should be calling your wife when she finally gets you on the phone and that unsightly bubble jacket you just got from her as a gift that your co-worker just dastardly adores! I think I might actually be able to tell you who’s been sick with what illness and rattle off your home address based on how many times you’ve given that information to someone over the phone. When you walk by please do not walk on your heels, my entire cube shakes as if there was an earthquake and the tremors are enough to make me regurgitate the food I just ate for breakfast. If and when you are diligently working at your desk, the volume on your headphones should be loud enough for you to hear, not for me to jot down a playlist of Mariah Carey’s Christmas album. Last but not least, please do not say “good morning” just to be kind, I don’t talk to you all the time, you don’t have to be courteous, but I appreciate the sentiment. Just remember if you do say “good morning” to me, make sure you remember to hold the door in the morning when my hands are full so I don’t have to fumble with my keys and spill my coffee.
**Disclosure: just because I write angry things, doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the type of mood I’m currently in.