As the Ball Turns

The roster for spring softball came around today and they were trying to find my name on the list.  I said “Nope, I’m not on there” and of course I got asked “Why?” Truthfully, I only signed up last year to be a sub, and ended having to play more than I wanted, having to endure the pain of watching people who can sit at the bar and watch a MLB game, but don’t know the basics to play their position.  Granted the ladies give their all, they show up to practice, they try, they get better every year.  But the men have no excuse, especially the one without the cleats, who shows up in sneakers to play, who claims he plays on multiple teams.  So, 'no' I will not be playing this year on that team, I am saving myself the heartache, heartburn and extra energy spent playing 110% on a team that only shows up 50% of the time (unless its to drink afterwards).  There will be a lot of changes this year to my repertoire of sports, many changes for the better.  I’ve been playing the same sport too long to just play for fun, if I can’t compete, if I can’t play on a team that gives their all like the Ball Busters, then “Thank you, but no thank you”.  

Cupid’s Markup

Hello Valentine’s Day, or shall I say the holiday that starts on December 26^th when the Christmas decorations are put away in the stores.  Yes I’m mocking it, mocking a holiday we celebrate to show our loved ones we appreciate them, on a day where 7 gang members were murdered in Chicago.  I don’t quite see the similarity there.

Anyway, when we were in grade school it was neat to go out and get the assorted Valentine’s and secretly or not so secretly give them to your classmates.  You were heartbroken if your box didn’t contain as many as your classmate sitting next to you.  As we got older society started to make it more commercial, more advertisements to get us to buy things, cars, jewelry, dinner reservations, chocolates, flowers, flowers and more flowers.  Flowers which are marked up almost 50% by retailers on one day of the year.  Do we need one day during the year as a reminder to show our love and appreciation?  I’m not opposed to the day at all, but I do not think one should not waste their hard earned money on a $50 bouquet of a dozen roses, when the following week they are normal price.  I won’t deny that I did buy a card, I think of it as I donated to Hallmark and after standing in that card aisle reading all the sappy, pathetic cards that we choose to buy to say the words we should be saying everyday I left the store puzzled.  We spend $2.99 on a pink or red card that says “I love you, Happy Valentine’s Day” with a nicely printed design on the cover.  It doesn’t cost us anything to say that to our loved ones, it doesn’t cost money to show our love and appreciation whether it be that day or any other day.  I guess what I’m grappling with is why we need to be reminded, are we that one sided where we need society to tell us what day to express our feelings?  I doubt that, but some are stupid, insecure and shy, they need that yearly reminder to dish out $$$ because they can’t be creative enough to do so.

I wrote a similar blog back in college called “Down with Cupid”, it was indeed one sided, and my views are quite the same.  Yes, I love flowers, I’d love to get flowers, I’d love to get a gorgeous pendant necklace but it doesn’t have to be on the 14^th. 

So I challenge my readers to do something else, be creative, spend the entire month of February doing little acts of love and appreciation, because it’s the simple things that mean the most, that could put a smile on your loved ones face, a memory forever in their heart.  One can’t put a price on love.

A Relationship is not a 5 year goal

Recently I had a conversation with one of the “Angels” (are I refer to my girlfriends as “Angels” in reference to “Charlie’s Angels” since we all are one in the same) about relationships.  Remember in our 20’s we’d daydream that we’d be married by such and such age, have kids by such and such age, etc.  How it had to be planned just so, that we’d waste too much time if we waited til our 30’s to do anything because we’d be too old and tired to chase around our children.  Back then we were impatient, we had it all wrong.  Back then we were trying to play catch up with the rest of our friends, to comply with societies standards “must get married in 20s and have kids before 30”.  Back then getting married was every girls dream (with subconscious peer pressure applied).  Don’t misquote me because I would get married again, (the dress, the party, the bridal party, etc – I loved planning my wedding) but not to play catch up with the rest of my friends.  I don’t feel the pressure that I felt back then.  Now it’s different, maybe because I’ve ‘been there, done that’, the premise is different.  She mentioned how she spent an hour talking (not texting) with the guy she recently met and how different that was compared to others she met in the past (maybe the romantic gesture of a conversation via phone call is coming back after all these years).  That when they went out to dinner it felt as if they were the only people in the room.  She wants to get married, but its not #1 on her list, it’s not a 5 year goal.   We agreed that the pressure of getting married (aka finding the one) is different, its not about starting a family anymore, but being happy in one’s life, being with someone who makes you happy, who ‘gets you’, who you are in love with, having the independence to still have your own life (meaning go out with your friends whether single or married) and to come home to that person, wrap your arms around them, plant a huge kiss and say “I missed you”.  Sharing interests and learning new ones, spending a life together not a life dictated because its what your families would want, but what you as a couple want.  

Granted in our 30’s its a lot harder to find someone without an agenda, that fits our dummied down list of requirements, someone we can’t wait to see again.  Once you do, once you are comfortable with that relationship (ring or not), there shouldn’t be a ‘when are we getting married?” dark cloud hanging over that relationship imposed by anyone.  If you both put in the effort to be together, to make each other happy, fill each other’s lives with surprises, laughter, love and the occasional bad hair day then you don’t need a wedding ring to express that.  To roll over in the morning and see that groggy smile followed by a ‘good morning’ is all I need.  I don’t need society to imply rules on how I should go about my relationship as long as I am happy.

A Week with the Little Man

I spent a week at my sisters, not only help her out but to spend time with my new nephew (happy 2 weeks old!)  I haven’t been around a newborn in a while, and anything that I had learned from previously being around them or having to watch them as a babysitter was not too far off in the distance tucked away in my mind of experience.  I had changed diapers before, fed a baby, I wasn’t completely foreign to the idea.  He’s cute, and I’m not just saying that to be polite because it’s my sister’s kid, he is cute.  You’ve been there, you’ve heard people say ‘oh he’s/she’s such a cute baby’ when indeed they are not.  But he is and his cry does not annoy me like some other babies cries you may hear in the supermarket when you know Little Johnny is not happy.  He’d be one of the many few babies I would hear cry and it wouldn’t phase me.  He has many cries, he has the ‘change my diaper’ cry which is accompanied by a scrunchy face if its #2, he has the ‘I don’t like this at all’ cry when we tried to put him in the swing with 6 different speed settings (does a baby need to go that fast?), he has the ‘I’m hungry’ cry and then there’s the ‘I’m still hungry’ mini-cry.  It was a very fun week with him, even at 2 weeks to see how alert he was and responding to Miguel the “French” Monkey who seemed to calm him during diaper changing until he figured out he should get used to diaper changes.  He even attempted a few pushups during ‘tummy time’! (Must have been all the protein my sister consumed.) 

I thought I had a lot of clothes, or at least a variety, but I now understand babies go through 2-4 changes of clothes a day, depending if the diaper wasn’t put on correctly or if he just decided to pee right through so the need to have an extensive wardrobe is a must at 2 weeks old.  I even got the distinction he didn’t enjoy wearing the froggy onesie, he seemed to cry most of the day with it on. (That’s ok, I didn’t like it either.)

While my sister was going about her daily routine (or trying to get into one) and I finished feeding him, we had a karaoke moment together.   Matthew enjoys the Disney classics so far and a few TV show theme songs, but do not sing the Brady Bunch theme song to him, he will cry immediately.  We went through Little Mermaid’s “Part of Your World”, “Under the Sea”, The Monkees theme song, Snow White’s “ Someday my prince will come” (I hummed a few bars) until he nodded off to sleep.  He sleeps so soundly, and falls asleep semi-easy (to be that young again and not have to take a sleeping pill to find zzz’s).  Now what will his first words be? or first sentence?  My sister seems to think it will be “No Chi Chi” or “Down Chi Chi”, referring to the dog, instead of Mommy and Daddy.  But who knows, if I can spend more time up there I can work on him saying “Go Big Blue” instead. J

My sister and her husband sure made a handsome little man, I told him to behave for Mommy and Daddy and I’d give him a $1 next time I saw him.  Now that I think about it starting at $1 might have been too high, by the time he’s able to talk and remember what I said he’d be negotiating for $10s and $20s.  I enjoyed my time with my little All-Star, I can’t wait for him to be more interactive!  

Pregnancy from the Mind of a Clock that Once Ticked

Most of my friends got pregnant early on in their marriages, they had one, they had another, some are still reproducing today.  After an influx of marriages and babies my clock ticked.  My ex sister-in-law had 4 in a row, and that was a nice dose of birth control for me at that time.  In a past life, the subject of raising kids was always easy to talk about with my ex-husband, planning it had to be around softball season, at least at the end of the season to start trying.  And that one time when I was surely ready to forego the pills and try, the response I received was one of hesitation (he hesitated!).  As if his mind was preoccupied with something else at the time, and then that’s when it was no longer on the table.  I wiped the thought from my mind and went on with my life. 

Now some of my friends and family are still having kids, just starting to have kids, not having kids and my sister and her husband just welcomed a baby boy, my nephew.  Out of all of my friends who have gone through this once, twice, multiple times I never knew what they told you in Lamaze class, at the OBGYN, etc.  I never took into consideration how insensitive asking a pregnant woman certain questions could be.  I became one of the fearful insensitive ones and started phrasing my questions to my sister as ‘you could add this one to your list of things you shouldn’t ask a pregnant lady…’.    Being an outsider, knowing how many strangers are in the delivery room is enough to keep my legs crossed (give or take a dozen strangers), they do come in to your prep room and meet you first, but they haven’t been with you through the 9 months and you find yourself saying ‘who are these people? They are going to see my va-jay-jay and who knows what else!’. 

My sister had a c section which is quite painful and can take weeks to heal, I’m not sure if natural birth would be any better.  Picture this as I did: You’ve just ‘scheduled’ your c section to deliver your baby similar to scheduling a ‘meeting’ at work.  You show up on time, you’ve fasted from the night before, then you are told to wait because they’ve ‘had a busy morning of deliveries’.  Oh really? What happened to scheduling this?  So you wait, having not eaten for the last 12 hours and counting, patiently for them to come in and give the green light.  Then after the baby is born, you are supposed to ‘rest’.  I had difficulty in understanding the ‘rest’ portion of it when numerous visitors lingered for hours.  Something in me snapped, the protective older sister kicked in. “It’s time for Mommy  who has just been through major surgery to rest, say hello and meet the little man and be on your way” I felt like saying.  I truly didn’t know how to react, if only to think if it was me, they’d be banned until I was home, it’s how I always pictured it.  There wouldn’t be a parade of visitors lingering for hours in a hospital room looking at me with a bad hair day, no makeup, in a hospital gown without anything to eat or drink in the last 12 plus hours.  I would have a list at the door of who’d be allowed in and they’d have to answer to “Are you on the guest list?”

I sat in the waiting room for quite some time prior to meeting my new nephew, so I had plenty to absorb.  After watching all the new mommy’s  and daddy’s leave the hospital with the look of ‘OMG what just happened’, I can only express the same for myself if that day ever came to pass.  My nephew is my little all-star, and my clock isn’t ticking again as it did once before or screaming “I want one of those!”

I’m Still the Same Person (I just live in a different state)

My commute to and from work has given me a ton to think about. Not that its odd for me to be thinking while driving, since thinking always occurs anyway and the topics usually change.  But this topic…hmmmm..how can I say or not say it exactly.  So while I do not choose to offend anyone I’m sure I will anyway, but it’s the truth, and I’m willing to accept it if you are. 

                I’m the first to admit I’m bad at calling people back – yes actually calling people back.  I find that time is never enough and I don’t like to talk while driving either, since 90% of this summer I drove with the windows down.  (Yes I like the fresh hot humid air thank you.)  I can’t talk at work either, everyone can hear everyone else's conversations since the renovation and its horrible.  I could call at 12, or 12:30, or 1 pm.  I’m not sure how that would work either, depending on who I'm calling.  I’m not that bad at responding to emails or messages (I think).  I am not on FB 24/7 like some of you are, connected to the world 24/7 with the latest smart phone gadget ( I don’t want to be that accessible and exploit my life).  My real friends know how to get in touch with me and know what I’m up to.  I can’t access FB at work (not that I would choose to anyway) and I’m not about to run home, log on and see a repeat of what people post everyday.  I don’t care if you took little Johnny to the park (again).  I really don’t, and I wouldn’t dare post where I’m at on a Friday night in hopes that all 200+ friends of mine might see it to come join me.  Heck no!  It’s a virtual friendship network and any true friend, again, I’m repeating here, really knows how to get me. 

                While I’m apologizing, I’ll tread on this plank that I’ve never tread on before (in the virtual world).  I’ve lost friends, a ton of friends over the years.  Most of which dump me because I don’t have any kids, I’m looked at differently because I’m divorced, no kids.  Yeah and?  I’m still the same person as I was before, what’s the difference?  I admit over the years even when I was married I turned down bar-be-que and party invites for stupid reasons, partly because the ex worked a lot, the drive there, and because we might have had other plans.  I would have went alone, in fact I should have.  I regret that now, but even if I don’t make your party and I try to meet up with you over the years, at least get back to me (answer an email, a voicemail) and set a date.  I’m sorry I don’t have kids, that going to ‘bring your own kid’ parties are frustrating because I can’t fit in with the ‘mommy’ conversations.  What would I say anyway “Hi, I’m single, dating and I’m having a great time.”

                I’m an hour away from my friends or my friends that choose to disown me, I was always a distance from them no matter where I’ve lived.  But that doesn’t mean we couldn’t meet up halfway somewhere.  Hey, we’re all busy, technology makes us busy (if we let it), and so busy that we spend 2 minutes uploading a photo to FB when those 2 minutes could have been spent trying to make plans with friends you haven’t seen in a while.

Don't 'like' to 'check in'

Buying gas this morning and always being in the habit of ‘checking in’ to Foursquare made me realize today that this app is not getting me anywhere.  The app is not rewarding me besides bragging rights for mayorships for being such a creature of habit by checking in every time I enter a store, etc.  It got me thinking all it does is allow my friends to ‘stalk’ me besides compete for mayorships.  Again, this goes along with my thoughts on ‘liking’ a page because those sponsors, brands, retailers who don’t give us anything either.  In fact, they are taking from us. 

By ‘checking in’ we are allowing that application and  all its affiliates to track us, track our spending, track our entertainment, where we go, where we eat, what we like to do, who we might have ‘checked in’ with. They are learning about us (similar to us being watched by those we cannot see from space).  The information they are gathering about us, about our friends, about their friends, all through a small button called ‘check in’ or ‘like’ is phenomenal.  No wonder my inbox is getting hammered with more junk mail, I can’t prove they are selling my information to third party vendors, this is just a theory.

Another theory I have is that society is preparing us for the end of days, moreso for the days where we cannot leave the house.  Think about it, they want us to post pictures, tag others, share interests all online.  Even a simple RSVP by a small button on the internet is foreign to some.  So instead of physically having people over for the holidays, we are seeing photos of Christmas trees being decorated, children taking pictures with Santa Claus.  Taking the personal out of Christmas, holidays and the day to day interaction of people on a physical level.  Could this be brainwashing us in the event the earth goes through a devastation prohibiting us from leaving the house? Are they preparing us – subliminally in hopes to not cause mass chaos when and if it does happen?  Just a thought, it does make sense to me at least.

As of today, I am ‘unliking’ pages I have liked (at least by having a store credit card they send me monthly coupons and/or accumulate points to purchase other items).  I am not ‘checking in’ anymore to places where I could be stalked, that don’t reward or award for any purpose other than to track my whereabouts.  It’s taking up too much valuable time when I could be doing something else more rewarding.

You may think I am overreacting, overthinking this, and becoming paranoid.  The honest truth of the matter is our identity is who we are, where we live and what we do, our time is precious, our privacy sacred.  For any app or internet service to take advantage of that secretly, and for anyone else to have access to that information is purely not acceptable (hence the increase of identity theft).  Might as well carry a tracking device on our backs, similar to EZPass or hire a PI.  I will not ‘check in’ with the  brainwashed at least not until those from space decide to ‘like’ my mind.