Saturday, February 2, 2013

A Relationship is not a 5 year goal

Recently I had a conversation with one of the “Angels” (are I refer to my girlfriends as “Angels” in reference to “Charlie’s Angels” since we all are one in the same) about relationships.  Remember in our 20’s we’d daydream that we’d be married by such and such age, have kids by such and such age, etc.  How it had to be planned just so, that we’d waste too much time if we waited til our 30’s to do anything because we’d be too old and tired to chase around our children.  Back then we were impatient, we had it all wrong.  Back then we were trying to play catch up with the rest of our friends, to comply with societies standards “must get married in 20s and have kids before 30”.  Back then getting married was every girls dream (with subconscious peer pressure applied).  Don’t misquote me because I would get married again, (the dress, the party, the bridal party, etc – I loved planning my wedding) but not to play catch up with the rest of my friends.  I don’t feel the pressure that I felt back then.  Now it’s different, maybe because I’ve ‘been there, done that’, the premise is different.  She mentioned how she spent an hour talking (not texting) with the guy she recently met and how different that was compared to others she met in the past (maybe the romantic gesture of a conversation via phone call is coming back after all these years).  That when they went out to dinner it felt as if they were the only people in the room.  She wants to get married, but its not #1 on her list, it’s not a 5 year goal.   We agreed that the pressure of getting married (aka finding the one) is different, its not about starting a family anymore, but being happy in one’s life, being with someone who makes you happy, who ‘gets you’, who you are in love with, having the independence to still have your own life (meaning go out with your friends whether single or married) and to come home to that person, wrap your arms around them, plant a huge kiss and say “I missed you”.  Sharing interests and learning new ones, spending a life together not a life dictated because its what your families would want, but what you as a couple want.  

Granted in our 30’s its a lot harder to find someone without an agenda, that fits our dummied down list of requirements, someone we can’t wait to see again.  Once you do, once you are comfortable with that relationship (ring or not), there shouldn’t be a ‘when are we getting married?” dark cloud hanging over that relationship imposed by anyone.  If you both put in the effort to be together, to make each other happy, fill each other’s lives with surprises, laughter, love and the occasional bad hair day then you don’t need a wedding ring to express that.  To roll over in the morning and see that groggy smile followed by a ‘good morning’ is all I need.  I don’t need society to imply rules on how I should go about my relationship as long as I am happy.

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