Surviving the Big D: The Bucket List

First things first, in order to start a new while I was waiting for the papers to be in stone I wrote a bucket list.  This bucket list is everything I ever wanted to do, places I wanted to see, when I was married (and prior to) but he didn’t want to do them with me or had already done them.  These are my hopes for the future that are somewhat attainable, things to plan ahead for.  My item of seeing a great white shark probably would never happen in a safe situation but it’s a clear reminder that is something I’d like to see one day (out in the wild, in a safe environment, but not at a zoo).  Once the list was completed and typed out legibly I hung it on my refrigerator.  It served as a constant reminder that this is who I am/was/am going to find again and these are the things I will accomplish.  If you decide to do this for yourself you can start anywhere and check them off as they are completed.  Living close to NYC for most of my life off the NJ Turnpike I had never been to the top of the Empire State Building, so when my friend and I were sent to the city for IT training, she went with me to cross that one off the list.  Share it with your friends, they will want to help you and you will have fun doing so. I still have mine, there are a few yet to be crossed off such as a trip to Australia and Cooperstown, and buying a pair of black leather pants.

If I've learned anything from this is that if you are in a relationship you will do what it takes to make that other person happy, even if they've never been to the Empire State Building and you have.  Taking trips to learn things together, experience it all over again creates memories that will last a lifetime.  

An Introduction to Sandwiches

When it comes to a free lunch, there are usually a few options.  It might be hot food, it might be pizza, it could be assorted sandwiches and wraps.  So if its free, why does everyone sound stupid asking these questions?  Do they not appreciate what is being offered to them?  Can they not tell the difference between a tuna sandwich and ham? You decide. 

Sound bytes from a free lunch with a variety of sandwiches in a half hour time span (anything in parens indicates the number of times it was said):

Variations of: “What are my choices?” “ So what are these?” “ Which one is pot luck?”

“Glad I got here”

“Walk don’t run”

“Two sandwiches per person” (3)

“Take two, that’s it”

“Don’t forget your bag of chips and your drink” – should be changed to “Don’t forget your daily extra amount of sodium intake”

“This is tuna” (10)

“This is ham” (6)

“This is veggy” (6)

“This is chicken” (10)

“This is like a sloppy Joe” (8)

“Drinks are in the kitchen” (3)

“I just tasted something that was good”

“What luncheon is the best?”

“I was kinda wondering there for a second”

“If (name to not be mentioned) comes back tell him there’s none left”

“What’s going on? Is there lunch happening?” – obviously this could be a person’s inability to put two and two together seeing the spread on the table, however I sympathize because I know this person was on a call with a client while this loud and obnoxious luncheon was being served in the an open

working area for the entire office.

“There’s still stuff left”

“Hey, were you here before?”

“How many can I take?” – what is being offered is never enough for some

“This one has eggplant, maybe that is the veggy one?”

“Do you want the veggy ones or not?”

“That’s it?  That’s all your having?” – as if what was on their plate was a piece of lettuce

“Does your wife feed you?” – LOL moment, literally

“Are they toasted?” – clearly visible that some were toasted due to the marks on the bread

“Gotta watch my girlish figure” – came from a guy

“When’s dessert?” – the ultimate question that only those who do not appreciate freebies would ask

“Look, there’s all sorts of food here today?” – really? I never noticed and had no idea based on the decibels radiating from the other side of the wall

“Go ahead and finish them” – how does this not lead to an expanding waistline?

“Which one didn’t I have?” – see above

Conversation inferring to peer pressure: “Did you get your bag of chips?” “No, I’m passed my limit”, “That’s ok, save it for later” – yes, more sodium does a body good – NOT!

“Thank you” (2)

It’s unfortunate only two said “Thank you” during this session that I couldn’t help but make entertaining instead of agonizing when I’m the one on the calls. It’s a shame that the very same people that drive themselves to work everyday need introductions to sandwiches, even if they were labeled I guarantee the same questions would be asked.  I did not partake in the freebies, as my chicken, spinach salad with almonds was much more appetizing with a banana as my dessert. 

What I Learned and How I Survived the Big “D”

Divorce is not easy on anyone, whether you have kids or don’t have kids, its not easy, its not cheap either.  But I survived and so will you.  I needed to have a little patience with myself.  I was now on my own and alone.  I got a do-over as I like to call it. 

I am in no way shape or form an expert on how to survive a divorce, what I can tell you is how I survived, what I did, how I found my happiness again.  This is my personal experience, a verbage of after affects from an unhappy marriage, when counseling didn’t work and things probably wouldn’t have changed regardless.  I do not have kids.  In the end it was a mutual breakup and not ‘surprise I’m asking you for a divorce' followed by a 'sign here’ sticker.  I can only tell my story and hope that you will find something which provides you comfort, hope and your do-over.  Always remember you are A #1, you must do what makes you (and your kids if you have them) happy.

Look for multiple installments of ‘Surviving the Big D” in days to come.  

Primer Showdown

Benefit’s The Porefessional vs Revlon PhotoReady Perfecting Primer

 - main use to cover the visible pores and fine lines that have been appearing as I age (seem to find a new one every year).

The Porefessional  I received as a sample with a purchase from Sephora at my last visit.  I was able to get 2 uses out of it.  After I applied my daily moisturizer and let that set in I applied the Pore Professional around my eyes, my forehead and those newly appearing lines by my lips.  It applies like a creamy mousse, has a soft satin texture to it once you apply it and perfectly blends in with my skin tone.  I did let it dry completely before continuing with my foundation, concealer, etc.  which does dry smooth and without a greasy finish.  It does not soak in my powder either.  Retails for $30 for 0.75 oz squeeze tube.

Revlon PhotoReady Perfecting Primer I bought at the local drugstore, I didn’t want to break the bank on a first time primer not knowing what the results would be, how it would feel on my face, even after reading the reviews.  I applied it again after my daily moisturizer set in to the problem areas, same routine as above.  It goes on smooth, it’s a light pink color that blends in well with my skin tone.  It did leave my skin shiny on humid days but nothing a little powder couldn't fix.  Retails for $12.49 for .90 oz pump jar.

Overall I’d have to say I like the texture of Porefessional better than Revlon PhotoReady.  They both cover the problem areas the same, however Porefessional dried quicker and didn’t leave my skin oily on a humid day even with moisturizer.  After speaking to my makeup friend about primers she suggested to try Smashbox and that I’d like that one better.  Back to Sephora I go after I finish PhotoReady – if not to buy then at least for samples J. 

Requirement #2: Must Do Own Laundry

After a much needed girls luncheon, chat and a ‘don’t eat the cake’ lesson passed on to a future bride to be, I couldn’t resist writing about olden times.  Not golden years, but there’s something so funny about the people you date along the way that change your point of view on things. In fact, after a few dates with this particular person I added a few more items to the Requirements.  As always, my disclosure - this happened soon after my divorce, when I was in the infamous dating pool of on-liners, those you meet through friends, at parties and just out. 

To start, yes I do have a nickname for this one, unfortunately sharing it with the virtual world would give his identity away.  Perhaps his ideals have changed, so I wouldn’t want to tarnish his reputation should he in fact still be reading my blogs.  I met him out with a group of friends.  We went out a few times, dinner, movies, typical dating mantra, nothing over the top spectacular, mind-blowing, making me want to share stories with my girlfriends.  He had his quirks, he was nice, always treated me with respect, held the door open, call when he said he’d call. I don’t quite remember when it got weird, weird and weirder as in ‘would you wear a crotchless full bodysuit’ weird, weird as in would rather chat on AOL than actually see me weird.  Here’s how that led to the final deal breaker- he was in his mid 30’s, he lived with a roommate, had a decent job with benefits and still brought his laundry to his mother’s house for her to do, because he didn’t have the heart to tell her that he was a grown man and that she needed to let him be one.  At least that’s what he told me, he couldn't tell her to not do it anymore.  B-S!  I immediately knew this wasn’t going to work.  If a man can’t tell his Mother, his family, his friends or anyone else for that matter to respect his life, where he’s at in life, to give him some space, there’s a problem.  It will never change, they will never change unless you step up and set boundaries.

Anyway, so between the bodysuit request, Mom folding his tighty-whities and then following it up with needing to be on AOL I was done.  I definitely didn’t want a relationship with a guy who would rather use me as an erotic muse online than to physically want to be with me in person.  Granted, he had the best of both worlds, his Mom does the laundry, the girl satisfies his needs which leads to he doesn’t have to see her, he has more free time to sleep, etc.  What more could he ask for?  He’s not as weird as the Elvis poster guy, but with all that free time, you’d think he would have spent more valuable time at the gym instead of talking about it.

My Wedding Dress

The dress that every girl dreams of for that momentous occasion once in her life. The dress she dresses her Barbie’s in and plays 'wedding' with her Ken doll.  That dress has now been donated to an organization that will give that dress to women who are well deserving.  That dress will now make some other bride-to-be happy.

I remember the day at David’s Bridal, sifting through the racks, knowing in my head exactly what I wanted which they didn’t have so I settled.  I settled for a dress that spoke to me after I put it on and looked in the mirror.  If I remember correctly it was the third one I put on.  It was nice, my Mom loved it.  It had white beading on the front, and a detail along the bottom, very princess like, sans the crinoline please.   And so it went, the fittings because obviously the dress wasn’t fitting me right in any curve (I think that’s how they get you to spend money on their services).  The shoe shopping, the hair sessions, and of course the pre-makeup session.  All for about 6 hours of my life that I briefly remember.  Yet I’d do it all again, differently, and definitely a different style dress.

A few months after the wedding, like every other bride, I had the dress preserved (professionally cleaned and placed in a box, which is pretty pricey), it has remained in that box for 10 years.  Now what? Well honestly it was taking up space in my basement, I had no further use for it and I sure wasn’t going to wear it again.  Even if I ever had a girl I wouldn’t let her take a picture in it because well, to be honest it’s not her dress.  Those pictures look ridiculous anyway.  Heck, I spent good money on it to get it professionally cleaned, I am NOT taking it out of the box for a ½ hour photo session.  I even thought of having a ‘recycled wedding dress’ party, but then again, do we really want to daunt the dress for an evening?  Probably not. 

What do I do with this? I thought of donating it to Salvation Army, but after doing some research online I found a non-profit organization that grants weddings and renewals to couples facing terminal illness and serious life-altering situations.  And they accept wedding gowns as donations.  Bingo! I finally decided to mail the entire box, unopened, rather then take it out of the box and donate money for them to have it cleaned – again.  The trip to the post office was a hoot, the man at the counter told me how much this was going to cost (in walks a female customer behind me).  “That’s fine, its my wedding dress and I’m donating it so it’s a write off” I said in reply, hoping the woman behind me heard me for some odd reason I have yet to determine.  Then he said it was going to cost a bit more for weight, “That’s fine, again, it’s a total write-off” I replied with a smile and a chuckle, (deep inside I was laughing).  As I paid the man and he handed me my receipt, I knew inside I was doing a good thing.  To me at this point in my life it was just a dress, to someone else, it was granting a wish.

"Where do you find clothes that fit?"

“Where do you shop?” A friend of mine asked who is working out to get her sexy back.  Apparently the stores she’s used to shopping in, either the smaller sizes are scarce or the clothes don’t fit her like they should.  Yes we workout to look better, to feel better in our clothes, to be healthier, yet retail stores are misleading people by making a ‘true size 6’ be a size 2 just to make people think they are really that size, they are appeasing the public.  It’s unrealistic.

Some of us are truth to this, I no longer shop at NY&Company, I used to wear a 2 or a 0, well I can fit 2 of me fit in a size 2 now and they normally only have 2 size 0s on the rack.  You’ll find me shopping at Express, Ann Taylor Loft or the outlets.  Ann Taylor Outlet is great for all sizes (btw the store is 60% off this week).  The clothes fit and are reasonably priced. Their sales staff will even make suggestions for you.  I rather pay $50 for a pair of work pants which fit right that I do not have to hem!   Trust me it was hit or miss for a while, I’d get frustrated, I dreaded going to the mall, knowing half the clothes I’d like wouldn’t fit and I didn’t want to stoop low enough to shop in the juniors department at my age (even if their clothes are cute, the pants never fit right because they don’t have a booty)!  It’s also helpful when you shop with a friend, who also went through the same thing I did searching for dresses at Macy’s, she then found exactly what wanted (and what fit right) at Express.  My mom, my sister and I all shop the outlets, Mom even shops at Express (sometimes)!

JC Penny is another store, they have cute skirts for spring, but nothing smaller than a 2.  I said my peace to their customer service department, no wonder stores are losing money.  Their customers are losing weight and they aren’t keeping up with stocking small sizes to keep those customers. 

So it’s not just me, or just you, it’s a group of us striving to find the ultimate fit at the right price!  While retailers stock their racks with larger sizes to appease the general public.  I’m not sure whose winning but I’m not spending my money there.