So you’re
alone, you’re by yourself in your space, whether it’s the house that you kept
or an apartment, your parents house, your friends couch or somewhere else. You have no one to answer to, no one to
complain to, no complaints to hear. Your
everyday changes. You begin to wonder
what you are going to do with yourself now, you ask yourself “how do I spend
all this free time?” Use your family and
friends as support, you will find out who your true friends are once you go
through a traumatic experience in your life, such as a divorce. They are the ones that stick through it with
you. Do not ask them to choose sides, it’s
not their place to get involved with your personal issues, they are not paying
that legal fee. It can make things worse
for everyone. And if they do choose the
opposite side, then they really weren’t your friend after all.
As you begin
this new chapter in your life, think of it as ‘getting the old me back’. I gave up a lot of things I liked to do,
friends I had, clothes I wore, just to name a few and it made me miserable. In hindsight it was for nothing. I learned now I will not lose who I am in a
relationship because it’s who I was before I got there. It’s who he fell in
love with. I will not wear baggy clothes
at family events because a family member continually tells me “You’re too
skinny”. I will not say “No” to friends’ bbq’s because my SO doesn’t want to
go. I will wear my clothes, I will go
anyway. I will not lose who I am and be
miserable again.
But you
learn this, as I had to relearn this. I
learned it takes time to heal, time to figure it all out and that time may be 6
months, it might be a year, it might be longer.
I learned to get my life in check, get ‘me back’ before I had any sense
of direction. I learned and so will
you. Again, it takes patience with
yourself. It’s a rediscovery, a
do-over. So I ask you who were you
before? Did you give up what made you
happy only in the end to discover it made you miserable? What makes you happy?
I started
writing again, in different forms. I do occasionally still write poetry, I’ve
written a few spoken word pieces and now my main focus is blogs (short snippets
of my life, some true, some highly exaggerated). Thank you Carrie Bradshaw! I dove into exercise, not that I needed it
but I found other interests such as running and cycling (thanks to having a
Schwinn in my teens) to fill up all that extra time. I’m secretly waiting for the roller skating itch to
return…shhh. You will find that filling
up your days with doing the things you love, what makes you happy, what you
enjoy doing will be rewarding. You will
find new friends, reconnect with old ones, discover new hobbies. Remember that bucket list? Here’s your chance to start to cross some
things off.
It was
difficult for me, having all this time to myself, filing my weekends with the
big question “hmm what can I do today?” Everything and anything is
possible. Having friends and family to
support you makes all the difference in getting through the every-days.
Just another installment in 'Surviving the Big D'
