Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Misadventures again on a Saturday stem from $18 in tolls, a drive over 2 bridges, 4 major highways and ending at a decent house party. I can’t begin to explain the perils of karma for Saturday as I think my planets were in orbital chaos. However, after venturing to a new place in the sticks, the blues Brian Setzer type music was the only good ambience at the Mohawk House and I realized that Quick Check doesn’t sell alcohol after a certain time so going to a party empty handed was definitely not an option.

Here’s our top 11 scenes from the bar, and yes, we wrote these down on a napkin: 1) Fireman on date across the bar, 2) 3 rude married men wished they could all send their wives away for 8 days, 3) Band singers outfit matched my hair..no joke, 4) Bar had nice lamp shades, 5) Bartender only paid attention if you paid by credit card..she was a “dingbat” over all, 6) Possible ‘cutie to the right…oh wait..he’s with a girl..dammit’, 7) Snowflake sweater man had bad acne, 8) Short guy with glasses across the bar chewing gum like Cali chick while drinking beer with his o/weight friend..kudos for attire, 9) Man had hair like squirrel, and a little Dracula look to him, 10) Local yocal…everyone knows everyone else, we found “Cheers”. Needless to say we won’t be returning to the Mohawk House, not even in our conservative attire. But the night ended with a stripper pole, losing $20, screwing up my knee, and a chance conversation with Chuck who my girlfriend still doesn’t know why he didn’t ask for her number. I’m just glad I brought the cookies.

I'm bored...

I don’t know why I created a profile, why I respond to emails that I have no interest in other than conversation, why I’m even on there for the sport of it all. In all seriousness its just something to fill up my time during the week, and as usual I get, got, am getting very bored with it. The constant banter back and forth thru email, knowing in the real world if I was out at the bar they wouldn’t have the balls to talk to me anyway..baffles the mind. Not that I’d invite Moonshine down for a drink just for conversation (when I know he will think I had ‘changed my mind’) as a way to fill up my weeknights, because I certainly could do that with any one of my token stalkers (if I wanted to). In truth, my heart is afraid to say exactly what’s in there, not that I’d ever admit to it on here anyway. I’m bored, and the butterflies that I felt a few months ago haven’t returned, and lately the thing that still brings a smile to my face is a dried flower and a picture in a frame.

Better than a Comic Strip

My hero showed up in a leather jacket on a cold night saving me from the crazy neighbor who wanted me to make him a martini (he brought his own vodka & martini glasses). When he insisted I make myself one, I did…and it was non-alcoholic. You just don’t leave your girlfriend passed out on the couch and knock on my door for a drink…you just don’t. Minutes passed which seemed like an eternity and a knock on my door saved the night and he was duly rewarded with a “specialty” chocolate martini.

A Personal Ad for a Friend

If I were to write a personal ad for a 'friend' this is what it would say (names are being confidential for obvious reasons):

Screening candidates for rainbow bright fans. He must pay for date and not be afraid to spend vacation time at her folks house, horseback riding out of the question and ferris wheels but loves to handglide. Yankee fan, belongs on a bowling team, enjoys relaxing on the beach, traveling to Mexico, a variety of cuisine and the Venetian table. Frequents the hairstylist for monthly changes due to latest celebrity trends. Her date must be a bodybuilder, have a fat wallet, a sports car, be a perfect gentleman and enjoy a healthy laugh and play trivial pursuit. Smoking is a no-no even if you are a great person. Must gaze hopelessly into her deep brown eyes and find beauty beyond physical appearance. Friends hope to find someone to motivate her to go beyond her limits and enjoy a lifetime of love and happiness.

Obviously the ‘must pay for date’ is a total push for someone who doesn’t mind paying all the time, which might end up as a deal breaker unless they spend plenty of date nights at the buffet.

Full Moon...you saw me standing alone...

Full Moon last night so I should expect nothing less than a night of absolutely no sleep. WRONG! I was tired, exhausted as a matter of fact, no pills necessary to knock me out. My new cozy flannel sheets did their job in keeping me warm on another chilly night. Yet I woke up this morning in a state of shock…I had a dream, something lasting more than just a snippet of time, in color and with sound. This doesn’t happen often but now I know I had at least 7 hours of sleep and that I slept through the night. Funny thing it was about um…I’m not telling you who, what, where, when and why, all I know is that I didn’t wake up terrified, scared and wondering why did that happen but if anything does happen than I’m back to predicting the future.

Revamping another Office Memo

So it is winter, what can we do in the office to not be exposed to catching a cold?

1. Recognize that prolonged exposure to cold is hazardous (know the types and symptoms of exposure, refer to attachment) NOTE: When your body is trying to keep you warm, you burn extra energy so don’t be surprised if your hands get cold soon after you’ve downed your java for the day and that your stomach starts growling 2 hours before lunch time. You are working overtime to keep yourself warm, keep a stash of healthy goodies such as oatmeal bars at your desk.
2. Be aware of the forecast/actual weather conditions in work area (check local thermostat – if none is available buy your own for your viewing pleasure and to form ‘weather’ alliances)
3. Plan your work to control exposure to cold hazard – Unfortunately you can’t predict the weather in the office, but I suggest keeping an afghan, another pair of gloves and a heavier sweater at your desk…just in case they forget to turn on the heat.
4. Wash your hands.

Below are tips on how to protect employees – rather how you can protect yourself from the harsh cold and drafts in the office:

• Recognize the environmental and workplace conditions that may be dangerous and totally out of your control
• Learn the signs and symptoms of cold-induced illnesses and injuries and what to do to help employees. For example, hand sanitizers should be in every bathroom and in the kitchen. People touch everything.
• Train employees about cold-induced illnesses and injuries – seek a physician and don’t cough on other people’s stuff.
• Encourage employees to wear proper clothing for cold, wet and windy conditions, including layers that can be adjusted to changing conditions. – Not saying it will get wet and windy in the office, but on occasion you do get an overhead breeze that you can’t pinpoint its origin.
  
• Be sure that employees in extremely cold conditions take frequent, short breaks in warm dry shelters to allow their bodies to warm up. – Does this mean congregating for a group hug? Cuz that is just not happening! If your office ain’t warm, there ain’t no place else here that would be.
• Try to schedule work for the warmest part of the day. Whenever that is..please let me know.
• Avoid exhaustion or fatigue because energy is needed to keep muscles warm. No kidding, but its not our fault they don’t maintain a decent temperature in there.
• Use the buddy system: Work in pairs so that one employee can recognize danger signs. “Hey you, are you cold?” “Yeah” “OK, so its not just me”
• Drink warm, sweet beverages (sugar water, sports-type drinks) and avoid drinks with caffeine (coffee, tea, sodas or hot chocolate) or alcohol. You won’t find me hitting the bottle here especially if its not in a vending machine. Now hot choco – is it available or is that another item we have to buy ourselves and hope no one steals it off our desk?
• Eat warm, high-calorie foods such as hot pasta dishes. One serving, because as we all know pasta is carbs and there are plenty of people who will biggy size it.
• Remember that employees increase their risks when they take certain medications, are in poor physical condition or suffer from illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension or cardiovascular disease. See item above…no comment.

Just because I can...

Many nights I am just like “Carrie Bradshaw”. I have a thought about something, anything, men, women, friends, work, love, heartache, and I sit and pound it out on the keys of my laptop. Toss in some music fitting whatever mood I’m in at the time and my job is done. I adore getting dressed to go out, selecting the perfect outfit to wear, and always changing shoes last minute, always anticipating the perfect moment when I get to wear a skirt and boots. To spend an hour or so straightening my hair because I like to and I know it’s a favorite amongst others, and some prefer curls and I do to when they cooperate. My makeup is interchangeable, I switch it up often and it never looks the same. Accessories are few because I have yet to collect my box of tricks, gold, silver, cosmetic, but I always stick to my favorites. I’m sitting here just like her, minus the cigarette of course, with a thought in mind, or many for that matter, communicating to you on the airwaves even if you don’t hear me. I have a diary, many in fact, but I tossed anything prior to August 1993, and don’t ask my why because I don’t remember why. Occasionally I go back in time, relive what happened years ago, ask the age old question “what was I thinking?”, and ever so often a smile comes across my face because at that one moment in time I was happy and I remember it all.

And I wonder if memories stir up feelings like mixed drinks, why do we bother making them? Of pink and red roses, about moments I’ll never see again, burned in my brain as a memory the sand will wash away one day on the beach, of all the times spent before and now and my endless nightly consumptions of cabernet and chardonnay and the perfect chocolate martini. The wedding dress, the pictures, the momentos over the years, the songs I continue to hear which always remind me of something, there’s always something. One day in this huge world we live in, Mr. Big will be strolling in a park with Ms. Bradshaw holding hands while she slings her expensive shawl over her shoulder, eyeing up the starry sky, filled with scents of musk, amber and a limo to take them home. Who am I kidding….its just another memory, but I cherish them all just as if they happened yesterday.