RSVP 2012 – things still haven’t changed

As a follow up to my 2011 post “The Reasons behind RSVP” I have met this feat with great disrespect for the term.  I recently planned my sister’s baby shower, and those of you who have done this have probably gone through the same frustrations as I, especially because we need a headcount for the caterer, the games, the favors, etc.  You are dishing out money for this event so you need to stay on top of everything, you want to make this event special.   Hence why we put RSVP by such-n-such date.  The invites were mailed out about a month in advance, giving everyone ample time to RSVP by email or by phone (by giving people choices I thought would make things easier).  The due date for RSVP came with 10 people we had to follow up on, not entirely bad, but how hard is it for adults to respond yes or no.  I’m sure they’ve been through this before.  Anyway, having to hound people for a response is my forte’, it’s like collecting money, you pay up or you don’t get anything, not that this is the case we just needed an answer.  As one who may have delayed RSVPing to the very last day to some events I’ve been invited to, I can attest that these invites can get lost, misplaced, or just plain forgotten about.  Now what does that say to the person the event is being held for? I don’t think anyone thinks about that – its very disrespectful.  We’re not mind readers either, we’re not going to assume because you live in another state doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t make the trip. 

So had this not been for my sister, had this been a friend of mine (with a sense of humor), or even an event of my own, I would not think twice about checking off an ‘rsvp’ list to those who walk through the door,  “Oh I’m sorry you didn’t RSVP, we don’t have a seat for you.” Now that would teach them.   I do feel sorry for those of us who have to ‘hound’ adults and hold their hand to this simple task.  Either way, my sister is going to have a very special baby shower and I will bite my tongue just this once to those who show but didn’t RSVP.

Pre-Cancerous Spot Removal

The official term for removing this mole is called an excision, not quite an exorcism but an excision.  I guess because its half in the body and half out.  I was fairly calm walking into the appointment and having to deal with their computer technical difficulties before the procedure.  One of the release forms I read on a printed piece of paper, but signed via IPad explained all the risks associated with an ‘excisional surgery’ or complications such as scar, bleeding, infection, nerve damage, not so bad, I don’t care about nerve damage on my hip anyway.  Cancer is a lot worse than what they have listed and again, thank god I’m doing this now.  Then I read down to postoperative care (another reason why I checked my first aid stash), not so bad I can handle this. 

Now I’m in the room answering more typical medical questions (the nurse started our introductions with 'Hello, I'm _____, you look nervous as hell') um, heck yeah. Then I clued her in that I thought the doctor would use a cork screw to take it out.  She hands me the typical paper examining robe and the doctor comes back in to mark the spot. He pulls out a black Sharpie and draws an ‘eye’ (yes an actual eye) on the mole using the cornea as the mole itself.  In my opinion it reminded me of those old  ‘color by number’ books we had as kids.   After he leaves she injects the Novocain which felt like the needle was in there forever, it was a cold and warming feeling (thank goodness I emptied my bladder before I got there).  About 10 minutes later the doctor comes back in and here we go.  I felt what I thought were three incisions, the outline of the eyeball and then taking out the middle.  Followed by “you’re going to hear a little buzzing” (um ok), they should have said it would be followed by a burning smell. I asked if it was a laser and he said he quarterized it (he didn’t answer my question or he did and I was just too numb to ‘get it’). Anyway that was it, then he stitched me up and said he was doing them ‘surgically’ to limit how big the scar would be.  (Sure I don’t care, its going to be covered by my underwear waist band anyway.) Then I got dressed, got my next appointment to get the stitches removed in two weeks and off I went to get my meds filled.  I guess when a doctor gives you a script for Percoset it means I’m going to feel some sort of pain afterwards.

I was in the office for 1 hr and 12 minutes for a 5-8 minute procedure not counting the 10 minutes it took to numb me up.  I love it when they say, “You’re going to feel a little pinch” (um ok) and “Let us know if you feel something” (um ok) then what, are you really going to shoot me up again?  I felt the last two stitches go in (it was no more than a ‘little pinch’) and then I took a peek before she put gauze over it.  Nice and straight like train tracks (11 stitches in all). 

Overall I’m glad this is done and over with, except for the part of going back in two weeks to get the stitches removed.  I don’t want to be part of a statistic for fair skinned females getting skin cancer, another reason why it’s important for everyone on a yearly basis to get screened.  Now I have to find all my low rise undees that won’t put any pressure on the wound for two weeks and no swimming in the pool for me!

Spot Removal – Part 2 the final countdown

Finally after almost a month the doctor called with the results of the biopsy they performed on the two moles they semi-removed.  Finally…and I took a breath and listened as she told me “the one on you back came back negative” (whew) “and the one on your hip came back with abnormal cells” (inhale), “that came back as not cancerous” (um ok) “but could turn into something in the future” (um ok) “so we’d like to remove that as a precautionary measure.”  Great…my heart is racing at this point just imagining had I not gone this year, had they not suggested to biopsy these..well let’s not think about what could it be down the line.  I finally exhaled and inhaled again and had her repeat what she said about the mole on my hip, which they want to take the rest of it out, requiring stitches.  “Ok, now how do I do this around softball, I wanted to run the 5k in October” I thought, and then thought about it again from a realistic standpoint to f$%# my schedule - I want this taken care of now. 

I found myself saying ‘no’ to events people are planning ahead for in October, I’ll miss a few games of the fall season.  I won’t run in October in that race, hoping it will be back next year. I said ‘no’ to a race in November, knowing I won’t have time to prepare.  It actually gives me a goal or two to work harder toward in the winter and to get stronger.  Strong enough to do a 10K when this comes around next year.  Strong enough that I made it clear I’m doing the 40 miles in the Grand Fondo bicycle race in 2013. 

But now a week to go and its on my mind. How many stitches? How are they going to remove this? How much pain am I going to be in? Do I have to buy more gauze? (My first aid supply is quite abundant since I had my first bout with stitches 3 years ago.)  Are they going to use a cork screw to take it out?  What’s the over/under for the amount of stitches?  All I know is that I have to come back in 2 weeks to take them out..who knows what kind of, if any pain I’ll be in for that time.

Not-so 'free screenings' blow smoke

This is the 2^nd year my company has been offering a free ‘bio screening’ for getting a discount on health insurance premiums (we have to pass all their requirements “take a biometric test and test nicotine free” >>We get a deducted amount of money out of our pay check per month, however, if you think about it, each year the premiums go up, and if we meet their health goals then we get the discount. I still haven’t decided if I’m ‘winning’ anyway.)

So last year I pass it with flying colors, not a smoker (not sure why they have to actually test for that anyway when the rest of my results were stellar).  This year I booked one of the first appointments, to get it out of the way.  They do a cheek swab for ‘nicotine’, prick my finger for blood work for cholesterol and right after (why they do it after and not before) they check my blood pressure.  Results are finalized by some small computer thing on the table and I walk over to their ‘freebie’ consultant table. I’m still not convinced these people are certified, yet qualified to tell me how to change things if anything was abnormal.  She makes me retake my blood pressure, obviously since it had elevated after they pricked my finger, she makes a comment about my HDL (the good cholesterol), level was slightly lower than normal.  Everything else was on par.  **They only use a small sample of blood from your finger to conduct these tests and you do not have to fast.

I had a yearly physical scheduled for the next month anyway, deciding to bring my paperwork with me to compare what they did.  Three weeks later I received a letter from the company that runs the nicotine test, saying the test revealed ‘cotinine’, which is an indicator of tobacco smoke exposure, aka 2^nd hand smoke to a non-smoker (which I am).  The results didn’t show any ng/mL levels, but regardless I was furious, because I am a non-smoker and I am not surrounded by chain smokers who pay little respect to me as a non-smoker by blowing smoke in my face.  Immediately I call my doctor to see if they can add on the nicotine test to my blood work when I come in for the physical which they most certainly can.

Now my appointment, where I tell  my doctor the story and he laughs as if he were a made man, “that’s crazy, don’t worry we’ll take care of it.”   Routine physical done, blood work done – check, now I can’t wait for the results.  I was actually very impatient about this because having to prove to my health provider that I wasn’t a smoker p-d me off.  In a way I felt violated, having to prove myself and thinking now that someone is getting a kickback.  Anyway, my proof came in a phone call when my results came back from my doctor, all perfect, negative for nicotine as expected and off goes the fax to my health care provider.  Too bad I couldn’t attach a note saying “See I told you so.”

Don’t mistake this for knocking on a free service provided by my work’s healthcare provider, it may benefit some people, especially those that need to change their health for the better.  However a yearly trip to my doctor for a physical is definitely worth it because its covered under health insurance (sans the write off for a co-pay).  Yes it’s a PITA for an appointment, and to fast just for blood work but to get the expert test results done right and to make sure all systems are go its well worth the drive.  It’s such a shame us healthy folks have to go through all this trouble for a discount.

*Ultimately I think someone was getting a kickback to have x amount of people test positive for cotinine or nicotine, so you won't see me lining up for the freebie next year > JMO.

CAMPING 101 and other things

(Parental Guidance is Suggested)

I start off regretting never doing this all the other times I went camping, aside from the funny pictures back then, the ‘caution tape’ woman, endless sangria and burning of clothing pictures I do not have any quotes from those trips.  Here’s to starting off camping the right way – and never telling you ‘who said that’!

Look I have a big pole.

Is that a mallet?

And a polar, you got a Klingon.

The box is too small.

Are you putting our fly up?

The hoses are underground but the heads you can see. (obviously talking about the sprinkler system)

Ours goes up quick.

Don’t touch the sides?

Is it ok if I touch the front?

Need to get a little protein in there

That’ll be the 16 inches

You’re a fatty pants that’s why you need a big tent.

You have the right to bear arms.

A little bit of ____ (I’m refraining from putting exactly what was said here, the entire conversation would have to be typed out to understand)

This looks like Occupy ## Old Penn Drive

How much length can you take?

I like the body wash, it has a nice smell to it.

I really hope it clears up tonight, I was looking forward to seeing Uranus and the rings of Saturn.

I had a huge one and put it in a box.

You’re gonna be wrapped up inside me so don’t worry about it.

Dad you taught me that tongue action.

Is it soft enough so you can bite into it?

The tents big enough I won’t smell you.

Is there room in there for morning juice?

Morning juice is the sweetest type of juice

Well, I don’t know about YOUR morning juice

She can sit in there till the morning for all I care.

That was cold in my mouth

Check out Rob’s wood

There’s a difference between a cougar and a mountain lion

Its pixilated

This looks like a sex toy

This is more complicated than it needs to be

There’s always time for wine.

You have to put it on and tie it where you want it.

You can actually reuse it too.

50 shades of Earl Grey

It’s a vent hole…like the sheep.

Push it in the hole – its too deep.

She’s making a club up in here

Its not the size of the tent it’s the time it takes to pitch a tent

U can multi size them? 

Every day for the rest of my life

I wanted everyone to find my nipples tonite

Did you see the size of his head?

Finish your poo!

I’ve got my thing hanging out waiting to get bit and swollen.

He schmeared it all over himself.

Got to get it limp first before you carmelize it and get it hard.

That takes big ones

You can pull the cord anytime you want.

That’s a good piece of wood.

Obviously anything you say during camping can be misconstrued, but it takes the right group of people to make it funnier!

Adventures of-the-not-so-kind-in Babysitting

Car packed, ezpass ready to go and the ‘angels’ headed to the shore for the annual girls trip.  We returned to the scene of the crime beach bar where three years ago I drank too much and didn’t eat enough and never made it back out of the room for the nightlife (or as I like to put it, the bed was much more comfortable).  The tables turned this time as one of the angels was in that same situation.  We hit our usual beach bar, figuring we’d eat later, and we should have just ordered an appetizer first.  A few drinks later, one bachelor party and an old man sitting next to me who got an earful we moved on to food.  After eating and making sure the angel was fine without us, we put on our dresses and headed out to this new club HQ in Revel (new hotel).  At 1 am there was a line to get in and somehow we got asked by this group of college guys to go in with them. Of course the birthday girl pulled out the birthday card and the ‘leader’ of their pack paid for her admission along with shots of Birthday Cake vodka for everyone.  Little did he know that in about 5 years from now offering to buy ladies free drinks will not get him anywhere.  I will say that was the funner group of the night, especially the version of Titanium sung by the taller of the pack making me think the high pitched sound was a hint he was gay.  Unfortunately when being sandwiched on a dancefloor there isn’t room to get away so to speak so we walked around and dodged and dived every guy who wanted to reach out and touch one of us or buy us a drink.  I can’t count the times we were asked, it was unreal.  On to the next pass…where this guy, all by himself, a Sean Astin look alike from the LOTR, said “You three ladies look like you need a drink” and bought us Patron shots, actually they were double shots, and did not leave us alone, he got all touchy feely creepy (if that’s at all possible in one sentence) but thankfully we were saved by the other pack of college kids (do you see a pattern here?). They at least held a conversation and bought a decent round of drinks, yet hard to ditch on the dancefloor after telling stories of being in a car accident, who wouldn’t want to ditch them?  And yet we were entertained by their naivety as usual, because none of them were convinced we were in our 30s.  “Yes, really!”

HQ was comical to say the least, I wanted to huddle and yell “21, 26, 37 hut hut hike” haha.  We vowed to card the next pack prior to accepting any drinks next time out.

On to 5 am noodles to get us balanced and back to reality, yet getting to 5 am noodles through the pack of ladies of the night and their groupies was a trip.  “Hey, you could use some chocolate around that milky white mouth of yours,” as we yelled back “White milk”, “fat free’, “skim”!  Yes I know, its bad, but he asked for it.

Down one angel we venture out the next night to Boogie Nights, the remedy for our search for a dancefloor with room to move and no one to grope us.  Seeking refuge in Michael Jackson, Vanilla Ice and KC and the Sunshine Band was the cure we needed, along with the older (much older) guys that joined us (and did not grope us, try to pick us up or buy us drinks).  They were great, we never even got their names but I have a picture of them below, they were good sports.  We were also asked for one last ‘kid’n’play’ move before we left, had we accepted it I would have been barefoot since the running man and staying alive put our dogs out for the night. 

The next day views on the beach were none to gawk at, we saw a tiki hut in bright colors set up by a family, we were tempted to go see what drinks they had after we caught wind of someone smoking the funny stuff.  The 80’s couple was cute, all decked out in a wife beater and pony tail , while the female wore a short denim skirt and her hair teased out in ponytail with a scrunchie, she must have followed Warrant as a teenager.  But it takes a real man to carry his daughters hot pink and purple backpack.

Overall my vote goes to testing the baseball cap theory: “Don’t take offense to this but I have to ask, are you bald under there?” and the guy nicely replied, “No I’m not offended” removed his hat and said “Yes I am”.

Pavement Tri-fecta

I just realized I’ve ran three 5K’s in 3 different states in 2 years.  This last one was rough.  I trained for it, actually ran in the hot and humid late June and July heat and made sure I made it up the steep hill by my house without stopping and not walking it.  I continued doing my own personal training plan which included indoor intervals on the treadmill, then a long run, then just running for endurance.  The heat didn’t get to me, if anything the bugs along the path by the creek did.  I began to see more people along the path, making running after work more comfortable, seeing the same faces and cyclists and that chipmunk that my stepdad released from his imprisonment after snatching peaches off their tree.  My next goal was personal, this was one of the main reasons why I was running and why I was running this event.  Left known only to me and a choice amount of others I had to do this.  It wasn’t about beating my previous times for a personal record it was to prove a point, at least to me.  On this overcast humid day, I set out with a goal.  I had a healthy breakfast of oatmeal and berries, lunch was a spinach and feta cheese omelette, my choice of snack about 90 minutes prior was a banana.  That seemed to work well the last few weeks for me. Hydration was not an issue, I love water.

The event was not well organized, we did not line up by anticipated finish times similar to the previous races I’ve run in. I was stuck in a sea of jogging strollers, walkers and runners of all shapes and sizes.  This was a free for all.  Needless to say my usual mantra of finding someone to pass went out the window until I dodged the traffic in my way.  “Walkers to the right” I yelled before reaching the half mile marker, and I continued to yell to help fellow runners who were coming up behind me.  I was pissed, this was going to screw up my plan.  Somewhere along the way I just gave up the mantra and just ran, I had heavy tunes in my head, a good pace going and then I found my target.  I had to pass this woman in an orange tank top.  I don’t know why she became my victim but it worked, then I had to pass this old man, and so on.  Anyone that started with me I didn’t see along the way, our team was scattered.  As I reached my sprinting point my energy was almost depleted from the amount of hills we had to conquer.  After the last corner we turned I finally saw the time at the finish line and I had to hurry.  I was close to beating my time from the Albany race at least in my head but I was still unsure where I sat with my personal goal.  I kicked it up a notch and let the tank run dry as I passed the finish.  It was only then when I saw my friend that I said, “Holy $$$$, that was f-in hard!”  She was pretty sure I reached my goal, but we had to be sure and I wouldn’t know for sure until the results were in.  The only reassurance I had was a friend telling me that I had this in the bag, that my training was going to pay off.

I must say I beat the pavement hard on this one, my body aches, I’m still exhausted two days later and I do not curse the person that ever put running in my head.  I actually thank them because I am faster, I have more endurance thanks to this new found cardio and yes, I conquered my personal goal. Dad would be proud.  Who knows you may see me again next year.