My neighbors have not been the same since I grew up.
When I was younger I remember our neighbors were an older couple on both sides of our house. They
dealt with the occasional ball being tossed over their fence and later find me in the
backyard retrieving it. I hardly saw the guy who lived behind us, and
that itself provided some fear.
In my adult life, I had a neighbor who’s kids would leave
their toys in my yard, let’s just say those toys (including a very nice football)
made other people’s kids at work very happy.
In the apartment the obnoxious drunk neighbor would leave his drunk girlfriend asleep on the couch and show up at my door
with two martini glasses and a bottle of vodka. This is why old softball
bats make great weapons at the front door.
Now that I bought a place, my neighbors are strange. I
get along with most of the neighbors around here, everyone except for those who
are directly next to me. The first couple was nice, I hardly saw them and
when I did they were friendly. They did have a dog with separation
anxiety so during the day he got zapped when I was home (yes those things do
work). Since they moved out and didn’t leave a forwarding address the new
lady is horrible. At first I thought this older woman with a limp had
bought the place, and I wondered how she would manage all those stairs.
Turns out it was her mother. I have never been formally introduced to
her, not even after the incident with her dog (giant fur ball) who decided to play chicken
with my car. The woman didn’t have the common sense to run after her dog
who was inches from my back bumper (it would have made a great Youtube video) instead
she chose to yell at it. Finally, after about 10 minutes of yelling she
decides to go after it to pick it up. Yes, finally. I never see her, I never
know she’s there and when I do, she’s walking the fur ball and staring up in my
kitchen window. Anytime during the summer you want to see her in a tube
top outside with her laundry hanging from the patio umbrella, feel free to stop
by, I will provide refreshments to help you break the ice. I did meet her man
during the time Sandy rolled into town when I had ventured out to the mailbox,
he was outside smoking a cigarette and lived down the shore. I found out
more about him in 5 minutes than the woman who has lived next to me in a
year!
Fourth of July rolls around and she decorates the bushes in
the front of the house. Not with anything representing normal patriotic
decorations, she uses Christmas ornament sized red-white-blue light up balls,
hence the butt of jokes for balls on bush. This woman has a grown child
in college who makes weekend stops to do her laundry and always blocks my
mailbox. I still don’t know why she decorates. Halloween and
Thanksgiving come and go and two 5’ light up trees appear flanking her front
door. Thanksgiving had sunflowers in the tree, prompting me to assume she
bought these as a package deal. You know the type of holiday decorations
that you can swap out for the season? Something that you’d find on QVC. I
was right. Black Friday weekend the sunflowers were swapped for Christmas
Ornaments and the bushes no longer had any colored light up balls on them, but
just plain white Christmas lights. I’ll have to pay attention for
Valentine’s day, the bushes could have light up candy hearts on them.
Overall, the rest of the people around here are nice, it’s a
civil neighborhood, even the lady next to the ‘decorating lady’ who always sees
me running or cycling and yells “You go girl!” when I pass her on the hiking
path. You can pick your friends, you can’t pick your neighbors and
eventually you’ll get that one neighbor that makes you say to yourself “WTF?”
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