Sunday, July 26, 2009

Billy Bob vs Kentucky Don – not your average UFC match

I called it, I saw it from across the bar, Mr. Polo Shirt, who later we named Kentucky Don, came a strolling over to us. Little did we know the next things to come out of his mouth would have left us in hysterics the rest of the night. “You girls know you are the best lookin’ girls in this whole bar.” Now if that ain’t a good pickup line or what! Add a southern drawl, give the boy a cowboy hat and a horse and tell him to turn around and ride out on that horse he road in on. Kentucky had one good thing going for him, he did buy us a drink, which we graciously accepted and wandered off to enjoy the band, (we ain’t comin’ back now ya’ hear’). Next comes Billy Bob, not quite looking like Mr. Thorton himself, but we had to give him a nickname. Billy Bob’s line of the night was “You’re beautiful” multiplied by 10. Yup, by 10. ANNOYING! I’ll give him a few points for the way he approached my friend after Kentucky left to smoke a cig, but that’s about it. Later, Billy Bob stops me and says “My friend likes you”, (ok, how old are we again?) So I said, “That’s nice” and walked away. Sorry, have the balls to talk to me not send your mediator, because you decided to wear a wife beater to go out with the boys.

Now for the main event….for three hours they would not leave us alone. Three hours! We set ourselves up in front of the band to dance and get away from them and they follow us around like puppy dogs waiting for us to throw them a bone and give them the time of day. Mr. Wife beater did try to make conversation about the guitarist but I didn’t want to talk to him anyhow. I actually did ignore Kentucky too when he was talking to me, I was having a ‘find a spot on the wall and just stare at it’ moment. You can classify him as the ‘local yocal who drinks and tosses lines at anything with a pair of boobies.’ He did enter my ‘no zone’ with some comment about ‘wiping my ass on the dancefloor’, I don’t know whatever he said sounded vulgar and he’s lucky I didn’t lay him out right there cuz thems fighting words. Needless to say the car ride home was hysterical, southern drawls, top lines of the night (including the one about how we were in our twenties….our early twenties) and a realization that just cuz the musclehead across the bar has a great upper body, doesn’t necessarily mean his lower half is in shape.

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