Surviving the Big D: Wedding Photos

13 years later I’m going thru my wedding photos.  I’ve been divorced 8 years, I don’t need all of these.  I paid for a crazy amount of photos, photos I thought would mean something, photos to look back on.  Well those are in the wedding album I had made, that I never got back from the ex.  Thankfully the photographer gave us 2 sets of proofs, plus now I have the negatives. 

 

I’ve had all of these albums plus the video (VHS) I never wanted done in the first place in a box, taking up space in my storage area.  It was time to go thru them.   In sorting thru all of the photos I began to realize how angry they make me.  Not because I got divorced and all those painful memories are coming back, but because of things that happened, or things missing from the albums.  I’ll start with things that happened.  First off, if children are part of the wedding, the mother should speak to the bride to be sure about what attire to put them in.  I was left out of that conversation.  My ex-SIL decided to go buy a dress for her daughter, and not consult me.  Secondly, children should not be at the reception.   These pictures reminded me of how angry I was to continually get interrupted on the dancefloor. I’m sorry, but that was my day, they should have been in bed.  I love my niece and nephew like crazy and would be happy to pay for a sitter.  Thirdly, my parents are divorced, my mom remarried, I have three families.  These albums show 2 ½ families.  I’m missing a whole side of the banquet hall with that side of the family and friends.  I know they were there but key photos that could have been taken on that day would have meaning now.  Especially now that my father has passed away.  I have enough photos to remind me of that day with him, but being the organized, detail oriented person that I am, I think I had pretty good instructions for the photographer.  I am grateful for my friends that day who shared with me their photos, a lot of them are better than what I paid for.

 

Other things that set me back 10 years of flooding emotions, my bridesmaid pictures, at least I have one good one of just us, and not with the children.  My sister and her new boyfriend at the time, where are they?  Had it not been for a good friend of mine at the time, I would have never seen the video recorder tripod set up in the corner, which I did not want.  Yes I watched the tape once, in fast forward it is hysterical, and you actually see her telling me about it and pointing to the set up.  I didn’t want to cut the cake, but somehow they wrangled me into it.  A lot of things that went on that day even though it came out of our pockets, it still had some influence from one side of the families.  All of that will not be repeated if I ever decide to do this again.  It’s the couples’ day, not everyone else’s.

 
I’m going thru the 2^nd book of proofs now, and I’m still angry.  I’m mostly angry on how much we paid for all this, how many photos show me with a ‘fake’ smile.  Which I now have seen for myself in many photos that were taken.  It was a reaction to the amount of photos being taken and the fact that I had to be a bride and be an organizer at the same time rallying everyone to the main picture taking area.  What a PITA.  What was I paying people for?  Anyway, the garbage men are going to get an eye full if they even look at my recycling pile.  I have no idea who that girl is in the white dress anymore, she is long gone in a life far far away.  The memories I have with my family that day cannot be repeated in photos, they are snapshots in time for only me.  Photos that could have been taken.  So I write this as closure to tossing out the past yet again and knowing the next time, if there is one, this anger will not exist because I know better.  

My Wedding Dress

The dress that every girl dreams of for that momentous occasion once in her life. The dress she dresses her Barbie’s in and plays 'wedding' with her Ken doll.  That dress has now been donated to an organization that will give that dress to women who are well deserving.  That dress will now make some other bride-to-be happy.

I remember the day at David’s Bridal, sifting through the racks, knowing in my head exactly what I wanted which they didn’t have so I settled.  I settled for a dress that spoke to me after I put it on and looked in the mirror.  If I remember correctly it was the third one I put on.  It was nice, my Mom loved it.  It had white beading on the front, and a detail along the bottom, very princess like, sans the crinoline please.   And so it went, the fittings because obviously the dress wasn’t fitting me right in any curve (I think that’s how they get you to spend money on their services).  The shoe shopping, the hair sessions, and of course the pre-makeup session.  All for about 6 hours of my life that I briefly remember.  Yet I’d do it all again, differently, and definitely a different style dress.

A few months after the wedding, like every other bride, I had the dress preserved (professionally cleaned and placed in a box, which is pretty pricey), it has remained in that box for 10 years.  Now what? Well honestly it was taking up space in my basement, I had no further use for it and I sure wasn’t going to wear it again.  Even if I ever had a girl I wouldn’t let her take a picture in it because well, to be honest it’s not her dress.  Those pictures look ridiculous anyway.  Heck, I spent good money on it to get it professionally cleaned, I am NOT taking it out of the box for a ½ hour photo session.  I even thought of having a ‘recycled wedding dress’ party, but then again, do we really want to daunt the dress for an evening?  Probably not. 

What do I do with this? I thought of donating it to Salvation Army, but after doing some research online I found a non-profit organization that grants weddings and renewals to couples facing terminal illness and serious life-altering situations.  And they accept wedding gowns as donations.  Bingo! I finally decided to mail the entire box, unopened, rather then take it out of the box and donate money for them to have it cleaned – again.  The trip to the post office was a hoot, the man at the counter told me how much this was going to cost (in walks a female customer behind me).  “That’s fine, its my wedding dress and I’m donating it so it’s a write off” I said in reply, hoping the woman behind me heard me for some odd reason I have yet to determine.  Then he said it was going to cost a bit more for weight, “That’s fine, again, it’s a total write-off” I replied with a smile and a chuckle, (deep inside I was laughing).  As I paid the man and he handed me my receipt, I knew inside I was doing a good thing.  To me at this point in my life it was just a dress, to someone else, it was granting a wish.

1 out of 3 Ain't Bad

The year was 2003, we gussied up and put on our best dresses and even our wedding gowns and walked down the aisle.  Today it’s the year 2013 and there is only 1 happy couple still standing out of the three weddings that I attended that year.  For me, it was right at the time, but now I’m happier than I ever have been.  We expect those we marry and those families we marry into to be in harmony, to allow us to grow together and respect us as husband and wife.  I expected things to change, to have more privacy, to not fear that an inlaw would forget to use the doorbell again and walk right in, even without knocking.  I expected certain things to change, certain levels of respect to appear and they didn’t.  Some things just can’t be fixed.  I’m not perfect, I had my flaws, I was in the wrong and there are other reasons why things just didn’t work out.  But today I can proudly say I did what was best for me, put that chapter behind me and am very happy in a chapter that is supposed to be.