13 years later I’m going thru my wedding photos. I’ve been divorced 8 years, I don’t need all
of these. I paid for a crazy amount of
photos, photos I thought would mean something, photos to look back on. Well those are in the wedding album I had
made, that I never got back from the ex.
Thankfully the photographer gave us 2 sets of proofs, plus now I have
the negatives.
I’ve had all of these albums plus the video (VHS) I never
wanted done in the first place in a box, taking up space in my storage
area. It was time to go thru them. In sorting thru all of the photos I began to
realize how angry they make me. Not
because I got divorced and all those painful memories are coming back, but
because of things that happened, or things missing from the albums. I’ll start with things that happened. First off, if children are part of the
wedding, the mother should speak to the bride to be sure about what attire to
put them in. I was left out of that
conversation. My ex-SIL decided to go
buy a dress for her daughter, and not consult me. Secondly, children should not be at the
reception. These pictures reminded me of
how angry I was to continually get interrupted on the dancefloor. I’m sorry,
but that was my day, they should have been in bed. I love my niece and nephew like crazy and would be happy to pay for a sitter. Thirdly, my parents are divorced, my mom
remarried, I have three families. These
albums show 2 ½ families. I’m missing a
whole side of the banquet hall with that side of the family and friends. I know they were there but key photos that
could have been taken on that day would have meaning now. Especially now that my father has passed
away. I have enough photos to remind me
of that day with him, but being the organized, detail oriented person that I
am, I think I had pretty good instructions for the photographer. I am grateful for my friends that day who
shared with me their photos, a lot of them are better than what I paid for.
Other things that set me back 10 years of flooding emotions,
my bridesmaid pictures, at least I have one good one of just us, and not with
the children. My sister and her new
boyfriend at the time, where are they?
Had it not been for a good friend of mine at the time, I would have
never seen the video recorder tripod set up in the corner, which I did not
want. Yes I watched the tape once, in
fast forward it is hysterical, and you actually see her telling me about it and
pointing to the set up. I didn’t want to
cut the cake, but somehow they wrangled me into it. A lot of things that went on that day even
though it came out of our pockets, it still had some influence from one side of
the families. All of that will not be
repeated if I ever decide to do this again.
It’s the couples’ day, not everyone else’s.
I’m going thru the 2nd book of proofs now, and I’m still angry. I’m mostly angry on how much we paid for all this, how many photos show me with a ‘fake’ smile. Which I now have seen for myself in many photos that were taken. It was a reaction to the amount of photos being taken and the fact that I had to be a bride and be an organizer at the same time rallying everyone to the main picture taking area. What a PITA. What was I paying people for? Anyway, the garbage men are going to get an eye full if they even look at my recycling pile. I have no idea who that girl is in the white dress anymore, she is long gone in a life far far away. The memories I have with my family that day cannot be repeated in photos, they are snapshots in time for only me. Photos that could have been taken. So I write this as closure to tossing out the past yet again and knowing the next time, if there is one, this anger will not exist because I know better.
